How to fall in love according to a second-grader

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If you’re still trying to master the art of falling in love these two adorable eight-year-olds have the answer for you in a 24-step guide handwritten on a napkin and bound together with trusty staples.

Ted Scheinman originally posted a picture of the “book” on Twitter, after his sister, who is a school teacher, shared the story of the two girls with him.

“My sister teaches languages at a school in the northeast and did not actually witness the composition of this masterpiece, but a colleague confides that the two girls (both second-graders) had finished their work about 12 minutes early and decided to write a “book” ...” said Ted in an interview with The Awl.

So how do you get the ball rolling? ‘First you stare at the person.’ Followed closely by getting ‘close to each other’, and then ‘you ask for a date’. Three simple steps and you are on your way to finding true love.

We are assuming the date went well at this point because step four on the girls’ master plan is to ‘go in bed and do sex’ but you don’t actually take your clothes off until step six after you partake in some heavy-duty kissing. Step seven has been left mysteriously blank. But number eight wins us back with ‘go dance and put your noses together’. All this time we have been doing it wrong – you don’t put your lips together but your noses!

It seems the girls disagreed on what the appropriate follow-up to nose-touching-dancing should be. Crossing out the part where they go to bed forever before deciding that it would be better to ‘kiss forever’. Let’s hope they advise these hypothetical lovebirds to have some Chapstick and mints handy.

Matrimony is finally mentioned in step 12 - at least that is what we take ‘give each other rings’ to mean. But seeing as it is followed up with ‘go to the pool together’ it really could mean anything. Although on second thought, prancing around in a bikini at a pool in the harsh light of day does require a certain level of trust and commitment.

The next eleven steps have been left blank by the insightful eight-year-olds. Perhaps they realise that some things are better left to the imagination. Either that or they are setting us up for a sequel in which case we can’t wait to find out what happens after this pool trip. Maybe all that ‘do sex’ has resulted in a baby and 24 more tips on how to keep your love alive after kids.