Modern Mumma Mel Watts, who recently shared the truth about post-kids relationships and "quickie" parent sex, has revealed the mortifying moment she "stripped her son's childhood" away from him.
In a post to her Facebook page, Watts, who blogs about the "honest, open, not-so-perfect life of being a mum," wrote that while she and her husband had been putting off the "sex talk" with their nine-year-old boy, one innocent question changed all that.
"I thought dad didn't want another baby?" her son asked.
At that moment, Watts explains, "I knew he was pretending to be asleep so he wouldn't get in trouble, when in fact he was wide awake."
And, through the thin walls, her nine-year-old heard everything.
"This morning I wish we had that talk long before he heard about [it]," the mother-of-three admitted.
"You see he didn't hear amazing passionate sex. He heard "well that was a waste of a load" from me and oh my favourite part "that was the worst" courtesy of the husband. Which it was." Watts recounted that her husband Nolan had said something funny and she'd replied, "I'm honestly about to pee myself."
As you can imagine, Watts says, "the things the 9yo was hearing wasn't exactly nice."
Noting that they were all "traumatised" by the experience, Watts added that her son had just one request, "could you possibly keep it down when you have sex?"
Vowing celibacy, Watts wrote that for her soon-to-be-10-year-old's upcoming birthday, instead of skate ramps, "he can get some physiological sessions," in the form of The Talk – from both of his dads.
"In the meantime," she writes, "I'll clean my sheets and try my luck at having another baby in 10 years. #Motheroftheyearnextyear"
In an update, Watts added that when her son's biological father picked their nine-year-old up for a surprise visit, he told his dad, "I heard mum and dad (Watts' husband Nolan) making a baby last night."
"Nolan," Watts writes. "This is your fault. I was going to go to sleep."
Watts' hilariously candid post prompted other parents to share their awkward stories of being sprung by their kids.
"My kids were in bed upstairs while me and hubby got carried away downstairs in the living room," wrote one commenter. "My 6 yr old daughter came down found us both starkers in a compromising position. Poor kid was traumatised."
"It's amazing how young they know the basics these days!" shared another. "Couple years ago my eldest yelled out during night in the middle of our sheet romping "Daaaad! Please stop hurting mum! Can't you hear her!"Moment killer & I burst out laughing, to then yell back "it's Ok darling, I'm yelling at the possums in the roof!"
Other parents shared their tips for having The Talk, one mum of three boys telling Watts, "I have found that if you show no shame and are open and honest it is heaps easier to talk about…he won't be too embarrassed if you aren't."
Read the full post below.
Have you ever been caught having sex by your kids?