"I haven't had a drink in 16 years, but I wanted a drink today. I wanted one real bad."
That's how dad Clint Edwards felt after helping chaperone a group of his daughter's kindy classmates - an excursion that's left him with "incredible respect" for teachers.
"Listen: I love my daughter, but other people's kids are a bit much," he writes in a post to Facebook. "I only had five in my group, and they listened about as good as goldfish. The whole time I was afraid I'd lose one in the corn field, they'd never be found, and ultimately end up as the premise for a Steven King novel."
Mr Edwards, who blogs at "No Idea What I'm Doing" shared that he was only with the kids for about four hours - but it felt like "an eternity".
"Between the mud at the pumpkin patch, and the smell on the bus that I couldn't quite identify, but was probably a virus, and that one wild little boy that is either destined to be a ground breaking artist or an inmate, I ended the afternoon with a long hot soak in the bath, TOO many cookies, and a handful of Tylenol."
The US dad's effort was in stark contrast to that of his daughter's teacher who successfully orchestrated the entire day, even changing the kids' shoes before getting on and off the bus. "This was to prevent the children from getting mud on the bus, but I'm pretty sure if she listed this act on her resume, she'd be as respected as any military general. I mean, wow! No child lost a shoe and she smiled the WHOLE TIME!"
The trip left the Silence is a Scary Sound author feeling nothing but appreciation for teachers. "If you are a teacher reading this, give yourself a huge pat on the back. You are incredible. And if you know a teacher, give them a huge thank you.
"And if anyone needs need me, I'll be right back. I'm heading to the store for more cookies, and maybe some ice cream, to keep from having that drink."