Cartoon families are driving me to distraction
Check out that bumper sticker ...
THE car in front of me has two kids, a dog, cat, tennis-playing mum and surfing dad. It's a cute-looking family in that juvenile-art, cartoonish kind of way.
The car on the left just has a cartoonish sticker of a cat and a girl with springs growing out of her head - I think it means curly hair.
You've seen these stickers, right? They're all over the back of cars in the way ''Baby on Board'' cautions were last century. What was the point of them? Were they a warning to other drivers that the driver of the car might be driving but also might be doing baby things such as cleaning up vomit or scragging around in the baby bag looking for rusks? Or, were they a sign that there was indeed a baby on board and would you please be careful while driving around that car?
Maybe they were both.
As a kid I always thought the yellow ''Kangaroos Next 20km'' sign was a reminder to keep an eye out for roos because it would be really cool to see one.
I only recently twigged they're a warning to look out for kangaroos because it's dangerous to hit one. The slightly rarer wombat or koala signs were even better. If our parents could find one of those signs they could distract us for ages from a game of ''corners'' or giving each other horsey bites on the legs.
I've tried to figure out the point of the cartoon family stickers. They're a bit like the old frangipani stickers, aren't they? They were so cool before everyone had one but then, almost overnight, they were everywhere.
Frangipani stickers bloomed the same way Oakley stickers did in the '90s. And then, almost as quickly, the Oakley stickers were replaced with Wankley, and the ''frange'' stickers have become ''ban the frange'' stickers.
Back on the road, the curly-haired cat lover cut me off. The tennis-playing mum with the surfing dad and the two cute cartoon kids disappeared. I tried cutting to the left so I could sneak a peak at them and see if they were anything like their stickers but some barbecue-loving bloke with four kids, a dog and a possessed cat sticker wouldn't let me in.
He didn't look anything like his sticker - he was much skinnier.
While wondering whether I should tell him to trade his sticker of the round, barbecue-loving self for a slimmer version, the cat lover stopped right in front of me. Talk about a close call with a cat's bum! And then, like a scalded cat, she screamed off to the lights, put her blinker on to turn right but refused to enter the intersection until the orange light turned red.
So, of course, I couldn't go. It was very irritating.
That's when I started thinking of a new line of stickers.
What if there were a bunch of stickers you could use to cover the heads of their ''personality'' stickers. Like, a tool. Or a knob. You could have a doorknob sticker to cover the head of her sticker, and everyone would pull up behind her and know she wasn't just a cat lover but a bit of a knob, too. Or, a rooster … now we're thinking!
Oh, hang on, what if I get one on my frangipani?