Miss Piggy hasn't lost her screen presence.
The new film The Muppets reunites the old Jim Henson gang on the big screen for the first time in more than a decade and introduces a new generation (and their more mature fans) to the joys of digitally manipulated (as opposed to digital) heroes.
The film features Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Fozzie, Kermit, Animal, Beaker and the curmudgeonly Statler and Waldorf.
But there is little doubt (in her mind) that all eyes will be on a certain curvaceous paragon of porcine pulchritude - Miss Piggy.
It's been 12 years since the last Muppets movie. Where you been? On holiday in Aruba?
I adore Aruba! Do you have a place!? I'd love to visit! I'm already packed … Let's go as soon as this interview is over, OK? And if you can't make it, that's OK, too. I can entertain myself … Oh wait, you asked a question in there, too, didn't vous? What have I been doing for the past 12 years? I've been terribly busy. Not only did I write a book, The Diva Code, and make multiple award-winning appearances on such internet sensations as Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody [on YouTube], but I've also been responsible for maintaining my position as a full-time international world-class diva. You have no idea how time-consuming that is. I have no idea either … my people take care of it.
When the new movie picks up, you're working as a plus-size editor at Paris Vogue. French sizes are smaller aren't they?
Oui, they are! That's why the ''plus'' size nom de couture is so misleading. What is ''plus'' in French would be considered junior petite in Hollywood. But I believe that style comes in all sizes. Ergo, the bigger you are, the more style you have.
In the new film, oil is discovered under the Muppet Theatre, and oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) plans to raze it. Does somebody save your bacon?
Oh, I see what you did there! You made a little ''bacon'' joke at moi's expense. You got a death wish or something, buster?! Normally, at this point, I would storm out of the interview. But since you haven't printed it yet, I'd better stick around to make sure I can plug the movie a few more times.
As for saving moi's … never mind … just say, saving it was a mutual effort. For more details, see moi's movie The Muppets.
Does a celebrity of your magnitude really need co-stars?
Oh, you're trying to make up for that last question, aren't you? Good idea. You're a lot smarter than your headshot on Facebook. The fact is, a star of moi's magnitude doesn't need co-stars … or a plot … or any of the usual trappings of most movies. But I do it all for Kermie. If he wants those things, then so be it … as long as they throw in my expensive wardrobe, show-stopping musical numbers, LOL comedy gags, overpriced catering and a star trailer with its own area code.
Are you a free-range pig?
Moi is not sure what that means. For your sake, I'll take it as a compliment. And the answer is ''no''. I'm not ''free'', and if you have to ask my ''range'', you can't afford moi.
Do you work out?
Actually, I have a personal trainer who works out for me. I pay, he sweats.
Is Kermit your soul-mate, or have you moved on?
Yes, Kermie and moi are still soul-mates. We are meant for each other. And while we are not ''married'' in the traditional, legal ''I do'' sense, we are bound to each other forever, till death do us part (I personally guarantee it).
That's not to say I don't flirt. If George or Brad or Javier, etc. are in town, we get together. But they are mere passing fancies. If they pass, I fancy 'em.
Newsday
