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Money in your family

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#1 mummame

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:26 PM


My dad has been giving me grief about my families handling of money. TBH there has been issues in the past and my DP is notoriously tight with money although he thinks he is sensible!! I get FTB A and B and use that as my 'money' and he gets his wage and we don't have the same accounts. We are not married and have never had joint accounts. He pays all the bills/household and rent. I use my money for my own things, take away, lunches most days, grocery trips where sometimes I do buy a lot of treat stuff. He buys the groceries but I will occasionally do a top up shop.

I don't pay bills or anything got to do with household stuff. I do pay for nappies sometimes and my petrol, although occasionally I will take his wallet and get petrol with this. Currently I get $490 a fortnight, this is soon to change. Dad got up me this morning about me paying for my own petrol. My dad is very protective but sometimes its like his too hard on DP. I think that occasionally I can pay for my own petrol as I don't have many expenses. I know I should tell my Dad to butt out but these sitautions confuse me and sometimes I don't know if its unfair or not and who is right! I hate this stuff.

Dad seems to think I should have all my money for spending and no contribution I just don't think that is fair.

#2 75etd

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:33 PM

It's not really any of his business in my opinion.

As you're asking, I do think the amount of money you spend a fortnight, on nothing specific (ok occassionally fuel, groceries etc) is pretty generous.  But I'm just jealous..........I would love to have some money to spend on nothing specific

Like I say though - none of your Dad's business.  Why does he even know this stuff?

#3 EsmeLennox

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:34 PM

To be honest, I think that sounds quite unusual, and you are on a pretty good wicket! However, I would struggle with the lack of financial equity in the relationship. Yes, you should contribute to the household. I do not agree with your father, and really he should probably mind his own business.

If your financial circumstance is about to change, then you need to sit down and work out a new plan with your partner.

#4 Lisy-lis

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:34 PM

Tell your Dad to but out - you're 28 years old.  TBH I'm not too sure why he knows the details of your financial arrangements.  Do what works for you and your family.  
Your personal financial situation is not what I would want, but I'm not living your life, and neither is your father.

#5 Apageintime

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:35 PM

Look if it works for your family then its fine.

It depends how much your DP earns though, does he get to spend money on himself as well or he is so strung out paying for the bills he can't even grab lunch out at work occasionally?

I think you should be paying for more than you do, if it was 'fair' your DH and you should both get the same amount of 'play money' and the rest of whatever you get should go to bills.

#6 elco

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:35 PM

I think your dad should butt out. How a couple manages their money is up to the couple. I think if you have any issues that it is for you and your DP to discuss. Just my opinion.

#7 Cranky Old Woman

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:35 PM

I think your father should mind his own business - your financial affairs are between you and your partner.  I would be extremely peeved if my husband discussed the state of our finances with his family.

#8 Ice Queen

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:36 PM

I dont who (or quite frankly care) who is 'wrong' or 'right'.......why?  It is none of my business just like it is none of your dad's business.

Are you happy with the situation?

Do you whinge to your Dad about the situation?  If yes, then that is a different story.

But for the most part your money and finances with your DP are between the two of you.  I get that he cares and he doesnt want to see his daughter being taken for a ride but you are a grown up and need to make your own decisions.

#9 Orangedrops

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:36 PM

Honestly to me your arrangement sounds odd. My partner and I are not married but have been together 13 years and all of our finances are shared. That being said if you are both happy with the arrangement and you are not in any particular hardship yourself trying to pay for things, or doing without nice things while your DP spends all his money on himself or whatever then it is none of your Dad's business. Do what works for both of you as long as there is love and respect.

#10 Orangedrops

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:36 PM


Edited by 3browneyedgirls, 05 October 2012 - 04:37 PM.

#11 Orangedrops

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:36 PM


Edited by 3browneyedgirls, 05 October 2012 - 04:37 PM.

#12 MinkyMonkey

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:37 PM

You are right, your dad is wrong. Just keep doing what works for you and your DP, assuming you are both happy with this arrangement.

Just smile and nod and ignore your dad. Unless of course he says something in front of your DP then you need to stick up for your DP and remind your dad that you are on a good wicket and you both agree your current situation is fair.

#13 katniss

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:41 PM

I don't know how couples organise their finances when they keep them separate. I can see how easily it can get confusing about fairness over who should be paying what.

My first thought is: you seem to use your money mostly for fun. Does your DP get to use some of his money for fun too? I would think it's unfair if he's paying the bills and has nothing left over for treats for himself.

I think it would definitely be worth sitting down and working out your budget and who pays what based on your incomes. If you're going to keep incomes separate then I think it's only fair you both contribute to expenses within your capacity.

You already sound confused and feel it's unfair so that's telling me it's time to sort it all out properly so you both know where you stand and you're both happy with the situation.

Good luck. It can be hard sorting it out initially but worth it in the long run.

#14 libbylu

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:48 PM

I also think your arrangement sounds odd.
My partner and I have also not married, but have a child and own a house together and have been together more than 10 years.
All our money is shared.  We pay our bills, put money into our long term savings account and what is leftover we can spend on incidentals like lunch, coffees, clothes, tech items etc.
I also think $490 per fortnight is quite a lot for spending on petrol and top up groceries with the rest for play money.  Say you spend $180 per fortnight on the petrol and top up groceries, that's still more than $150 per week for random things for yourself.  I would be trying to put some of that into a savings account.  And what is your partner doing with all his spare money?  How much does he use as play money and how much is he saving?
I don't think it's any of your Dad's business, but these are the things I would be thinking about if I were in your shoes.
In the eyes of the law - all your income and assets are shared, so I find it hard to understand why some couples feel the need to keep things separate.

#15 Elemenopee

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:51 PM

OP we organise our money quite similiarly (together 10 years, married 7). It works for us.
My parents would never comment on now we spend money though, just as I would never comment on how they are spending money.

#16 la di dah

Posted 05 October 2012 - 04:56 PM

My parents don't care how we spend money as long as we are okay.

If I was getting those payments and had nothing to do with them but buy lunches and spend it on myself, I would honestly probably consider making a few lunches and rolling the rest onto savings (or in my case, the mortgage) as I would feel better seeing it grow and contribute to family stability, not just disappear on treats.

I'm boring though, maybe.

#17 katbalou

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:00 PM

I think it's pretty normal for a father to advise his daughter on money issues - she doesn't have to comply or agree.

I'm wholeheartedly jealous!  My DH's wage goes on rent, petrol and his pocket money.  My FTB pays for everything else - groceries, electricity, phone, school fees, car loan, insurances, etc, etc.  I get about $50 a fortnight for pocket money.  I think it's a bit odd that you don't have to contribute to the household finances out of your 'wage'.  How does your DH feel about it?

#18 noonehere

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:05 PM

Sounds like our agreement.
I pay half rent
Food essentials
Nappys and wipes
Stuff as i want/need.

He pays rent
Food top ups and bulk buys
Petrol (when we borrow a car)
All family outing and activitys.
Gives me play money as needed/wanted

#19 mummame

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:06 PM

Thanks for the responses. As I mentioned we have had many issues with money in the past, so my Dad has built up quite a negative attitude towards my DP and my DP has been unfair in the past. I know I am lucky at the moment and the saddest thing is I don't know where it all goes, I am bad with money, poor spending habits. I don't have any nice clothes or buy myself much but I do treat the kids and spend a lot on crap! I think this is why it ended up working for us to just keep everything separate. My DP spends money on himself and can get treats if he wants. I don't mind what he spends money on, he chooses not too mostly as he likes to save. My dad is pretty controlling and I do tell him to stay out of it but he doesn't really listen to me, as Dads do.

#20 opethmum

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:08 PM

I think your dad's heart is in the right place but he should respect that what you do with your partner with regards to finance. Every one is different and he should respect that if it is working for you both and that you are happy with the arrangements he should just accept it and move on.

#21 hiccamups

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:12 PM

Whilst I don't agree with the concept of being restricted by your partner and it reeks of control to me, I think that $490 a fortnight discretionary spending is pretty darn freaking awesome.

So, as it goes so far, it seems you're on to a good thing.  Why rock the boat right?

#22 Overtherainbow

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:20 PM

It sounds like you have it better than your DH so I don't know why your dad is complaining.

We operate our family budget as a family.  Both our incomes go into a joint account, bills and mortgage are paid, set expenses are paid and the remainder is to live off.  If we want to make a big purchase we discuss it.  If we have some big costs coming up or know things are tight, we discuss it.  We have goals together that we are working on.

When money was tighter we had a very clear budget that we stuck to and had to discuss if we needed to modify it. We had an equal amount of spending money per week that could be spent without questions.

My question would be does your partner have an equal amount to spend on luxury items?  If not, why?

It is a lot to spend on luxury items.  If I were your parents I'd be concerned about how much you're planning for your future, either future home ownership or other investments.  I'd also wonder if you have started saving for your children's future.  I'd bite my tongue though knowing you are 28 and have to make your own decisions unless asked.  I'd be tempted to loan you a good finance book like Paul clithero's money and be kicking myself that I hadn't taught you more about money at a younge age.

I'm 5 years older than you and my parents haven't discussed my finances with me since I left home.  If you don't want to discuss it wih your dad, change the topic.  If he doesn't get the hint, politely and firmly tell him you don't wish to discuss it.

#23 qak

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:21 PM

I agreed that it is not your fathers business what you spend your money on. I am guessing your father has no idea how much you get for discretionary spending either, it does seem like a lot to me too. I am not sure why you think you DP its tight because I don't think he is?

#24 mummame

Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:31 PM

To the PP who mentioned saving for a house. We actually own our own house already, but I really should be saving and I do have some money on savings. We are renting as we are renovating at the moment. I hate how money burns a hole in my pocket though and I know this something I need to work on.

#25 2bundles

Posted 06 October 2012 - 07:11 AM

Sounds like the situation works for you both. Doesn't sound like your dp is controlling you through money so I don't see a problem. I think your Dad is way off if he thinks your dp should pay for your petrol on top of the $490!

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