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DD wont eat much at school due to being starred at!


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#1 msuji

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

i really need some advice here if any of u could help.. being a single parent i dont have another adult to discuss this with.. so here i go..

DD who is 11 has always been a good eater. she always pack a nice healthy lunch with lots of fruits or green salads with little tub of dressing. for the past few weeks, she said she didnt want anymore of those and wanted to bring just fruits to school. i was concerned at first because i know she 's a good eater but then i thought maybe just a growth thing where it stop and go.

But today while she packed her lunch, she finally told me that the reason why she  didnt want to bring proper lunch anymore because the other kids always starred at her lunch and give comments like" what is that thing??" or "eeww.. i dont like that" (with disgusted face) and it embarrassed her in the class. seriously how strange is a multigrain bread roll with lettuce, mayo, cheese and salmon filling??

she has told the teacher and the other kids would stop for awhile but start again after awhile. so dd got sick of it. she even hide her lunch sometimes so other ppl cants see and finally gave up and only eat her fruits.

i feel so bad for her.. i told her how she dont need to be embarrassed, everybody likes different thing, so what if they dont like it..  doesnt matter what they say etc.. but i guess being a kid, its not the easiest thing. i dont know what else to say to her.

her self esteem is not that great at the moment. i dont think she  can just not care what other people thinking of her. we have big issues about her thinking everybody starring at her for no reason.

how can i help her??? my head is blank and i want to say something encouraging and helpful but i dont know what!!




#2 I look incredible

Posted 11 November 2012 - 08:59 PM

QUOTE (msuji @ 11/11/2012, 09:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But today while she packed her lunch, she finally told me that the reason why she  didnt want to bring proper lunch anymore because the other kids always starred at her lunch and give comments like" what is that thing??" or "eeww.. ieverybody starring at her for no reason.



She went to school today? On a Sunday?

#3 msuji

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:01 PM

we pack lunch before bed for tomorrow. (monday)

#4 Halcyon~

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:04 PM

Maybe she packs her lunch at night before bed to save time in the morning

#5 babychacha

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

Well after that truly helpful first comment......lets hope you gets some good ideas.

Where do they eat lunch? Is it supervised ...a bit?

Can your DD sit with someone else?

I think raising the issue with her teacher would be a good move. Its that kind of pressure that can lead to eating disorders and self esteem issues.

#6 paod

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:06 PM

Poor love! What do the other kids take? Not that you should have to but if it gets her eating maybe try taking that to school.I always had a boring Vegemite sandwich, fruit, drink and biscuits lunch- your DD's sounds delicious!

#7 kadoodle

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

I used to cop a rubbishing over a tupperware of olives, sundried tomatoes, capscicum and assorted greens.  All the "normal" kids had a vegemite sandwich and bag of chips.  They didn't approve of my "wog food".  I used to refuse to eat at school, and have my lunch on the walk home.  It's sad that kids are still going through this, OP.  I wish you better luck than I had in sorting it out.

#8 makingmirrors

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:18 PM

I've been a longtime lurker, this is my first post, but I have to write it because I can identify with your daughter.  If you were to ask me, it's not the wholegrain roll or the cheese....it's the salmon. i was sent to school with salmon sandwiches and curried egg sandwiches among others (the smell was just delightful after a few hours in my lunchbox  sick.gif ). All I wanted was to fit in with everyone else eating vegemite sandwiches. I saw a devon sandwich with tomato sauce as a treat!  

Never fear though, by the time I reached high school, my 'fancy' sandwiches were coveted by other friends, I even had to make extra so that I could share with my friends who had 'boring vegemite sandwiches' (that I didn't want to eat, hence making more of mine)

Perhaps make a plainer style sandwich, ham instead of salmon or something, and see if that makes it easier for her.



#9 Confused :-/

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

QUOTE (*GEMMAT* @ 11/11/2012, 09:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She went to school today? On a Sunday?


What a douche.

#10 zippeemum

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:19 PM

My DS has had similar comment about his lunches (not that they're all that unusual, just not typical 8yo food I guess). I asked him if HE liked his lunch. He said yes. I asked if his friends had tried his lunch. No, they hadn't. "So, they've never tried it, and they think they don't like it? Sounds pretty silly to me! They don't know what they're missing out on!" etc etc etc Next day he came home and told me when a kid said 'Yuck' to his hommus and carrot sandwich he replied "Ahh, it's pretty dumb to say Yuck if you've never tasted it before...." *insert 'that look' here* Shut the kid up pretty fast!
I hope you and your DD can sort it out, it's pretty sad that such healthy lunches are considered 'gross' by some kids :-(

#11 Lyn29

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:27 PM

I agree with PPs on the following:

1. Avoid fish (tuna, salmon) if your DD likes other options - they really do stink and attract attention.
2. Talk to her teacher, who can help ensure your DD is more comfortable eating in class, and who will also be able to tell you if what your DD brings really is that different to what everyone else has. I admire those who go against the flow with inner strength, but not everyone can do that, so some alteration to her lunch might help.

Good luck!

#12 aztecblue

Posted 11 November 2012 - 09:31 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 11/11/2012, 10:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I used to cop a rubbishing over a tupperware of olives, sundried tomatoes, capscicum and assorted greens.  All the "normal" kids had a vegemite sandwich and bag of chips.  They didn't approve of my "wog food".  I used to refuse to eat at school, and have my lunch on the walk home.  It's sad that kids are still going through this, OP.  I wish you better luck than I had in sorting it out.


Oh this is so me as well. I am of Asian background, and my family immigrated to Australia at a time and to a city where there werent many Asians around. I once had sushi for my packed lunch, and you should've seen the other kids' faces. But to think how common sushi is now..Sorry I know thats not helpful OP, but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck as well. Kids can be so cruel.

#13 HotPozzum

Posted 12 November 2012 - 09:56 AM

Ditto the smell thing - no fish, curry or egg. It really does smell after a few hours in a lunch box and that attracts negative attention!

#14 mumto3princesses

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:41 AM

I agree with the salmon. If she really wants it she would be better off having the unopen tin in her lunch box and opening it at lunch time. I doubt it would be the multigrain.

My DD3 (nearly 9yrs) will quite often take tuna with some dry biscuits to dip in and a plastic fork to eat it with and no one says anything to her about the smell. She also has an ice brick in her lunch box to keep it cool. She also likes to take a little container of cucumber, carrot and snow peas along with fruit etc. Otherwise she wants just ham. DD2 is really boring and just has ham or vegemite sandwiches and fruit.

#15 steppy

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:58 AM

I agree - give her a more boring meal that others are less likely to comment on. Also, tell her there are two ways to think about people staring - you can think there is something wrong with you if you want to and then feel bad about it, or you can think people look at you because they like something about you and then feel good about it, but until they tell you which one it is you don't know, so you might as well just enjoy it.

#16 YandiGirl

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:59 AM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 11/11/2012, 07:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I used to cop a rubbishing over a tupperware of olives, sundried tomatoes, capscicum and assorted greens. All the "normal" kids had a vegemite sandwich and bag of chips. They didn't approve of my "wog food". I used to refuse to eat at school, and have my lunch on the walk home. It's sad that kids are still going through this, OP. I wish you better luck than I had in sorting it out.


My partner told me some of his school lunchtime stories and it was the 'skip' kids who wanted to swap him for his 'wog' food. biggrin.gif

#17 msuji

Posted 12 November 2012 - 07:20 PM

QUOTE
Maybe she packs her lunch at night before bed to save time in the morning

yes i have to, as a single mum of two who is working & studying full time, packing everyone's lunches the night before is a must!!


QUOTE
Where do they eat lunch? Is it supervised ...a bit?

they eat in the classroom and the teacher is there until its time to go outside. i am going to talk to the teacher now i know whats going on, so hopefully dd would bring her proper lunch soon.


QUOTE
Avoid fish (tuna, salmon) if your DD likes other options - they really do stink and attract attention

Yes I understand the salmon might have attract the attention with the smell, but she doesnt have them every single day. she has other lunches like chicken wrap, cold fried rice, dips with carrots/ celery/caps, leftover pasta or roast and sometimes couscous with added sultanas in it. she does not like plain sandwich and wouldnt eat it, she likes flavour in her food!!


QUOTE
My DS has had similar comment about his lunches (not that they're all that unusual, just not typical 8yo food I guess). I asked him if HE liked his lunch. He said yes. I asked if his friends had tried his lunch. No, they hadn't. "So, they've never tried it, and they think they don't like it? Sounds pretty silly to me! They don't know what they're missing out on!" etc etc etc Next day he came home and told me when a kid said 'Yuck' to his hommus and carrot sandwich he replied "Ahh, it's pretty dumb to say Yuck if you've never tasted it before...." *insert 'that look' here* Shut the kid up pretty fast!
I hope you and your DD can sort it out, it's pretty sad that such healthy lunches are considered 'gross' by some kids :-(

like ur little tip here, will share with dd.. maybe it will shut the other kids up if she needs to original.gif


QUOTE
Also, tell her there are two ways to think about people staring - you can think there is something wrong with you if you want to and then feel bad about it, or you can think people look at you because they like something about you and then feel good about it, but until they tell you which one it is you don't know, so you might as well just enjoy it.

i have told her something like this but dd's self esteem is low atm and she cares too much about how other people think of her. we are working on it.


she also told me today that she is no longer wants her lunch in a containers ( she has something simialr to the tupperware ones with divided sections in it). she said other kids said its like a baby! now i have to glad wrapped and zip locked everything!





Edited by msuji, 12 November 2012 - 07:22 PM.


#18 Sparkles1013

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:10 PM

Thats so sad sad.gif My daughter is in the same boat.......she is a vegetarian and now 14 - but her fear of taking her lunch to school began in primary school. AShe used to take salad and a fork, a little tub of dressing and a tub of cherry tomatoes. Yep.....she got teased for this!! Meanwhile all the other kids are eating chips, biscuits, chocolates and nutella sandwiches.
Now she doesn't like eating much in high school as the boys call the girls pigs if they eat anything messy! Really sad sad.gif

#19 mumto4boys

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:30 PM

OP - kids and comments about lunches are fairly common. To some kids this is no big deal but in some cases it can definitely be classed as bullying.

Three tips,

1. Absolutely get rid of anything that would be smelly when she opens her lunch box. She can have those foods for after school snacks instead and as a PP said, some of those foods will be fine with her friends once they all mature a bit ( around 14 or 15 when more of the girls become health conscious).

2. Talk to the teacher. The teacher won't mind at all. Be subtle about it though, don't let any of the other kids hear you talking to the teacher. These sorts of things happen in classrooms from time to time. The teacher can deal with it as a general chat and it will stop for a while. If it starts again, you or your daughter have another quiet chat to the teacher.

3. Visit this website http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au/under13/index.html Take a Stand is an anti bullying website . They have a free phone app too. The website has a section for over 13 and under 13. Go to the under 13 section and read through the anti bullying strategies with your daughter.

Then, click the tab that says 'Other things to do'. From there click the wording to watch animated videos. This will take you to a page where your daughter can build an avatar, she may like to do this or you can skip it. At the bottom of this page is a small tab to the video menu.

There are 3 animated videos about bullying where children can choose an ending. You could view these with her and talk about the options the children had. Most importantly, in one of the videos the girl is being bullied because her lunch smells. This will help your daughter see that she's not alone and that it's not her fault. It will also give her some strategies to use if someone does mention her lunch again.

You may even like to pass on the website to her teacher. I have viewed the videos on the smart board with my class and they were great for discussions about bullying.



*A note for anyone else reading along. If you 'google' Take A Stand you may end up at a domestic violence prevention website. You need to make sure that it is www.takeastandtogether.gov.au

There is also a free phone app for the website.

Good luck OP.

Edited by mumto4boys, 12 November 2012 - 10:30 PM.


#20 @m@nd@

Posted 12 November 2012 - 10:37 PM

QUOTE (Rubymom @ 11/11/2012, 09:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've been a longtime lurker, this is my first post, but I have to write it because I can identify with your daughter.  If you were to ask me, it's not the wholegrain roll or the cheese....it's the salmon. i was sent to school with salmon sandwiches and curried egg sandwiches among others (the smell was just delightful after a few hours in my lunchbox  sick.gif ). All I wanted was to fit in with everyone else eating vegemite sandwiches. I saw a devon sandwich with tomato sauce as a treat!  

Never fear though, by the time I reached high school, my 'fancy' sandwiches were coveted by other friends, I even had to make extra so that I could share with my friends who had 'boring vegemite sandwiches' (that I didn't want to eat, hence making more of mine)

Perhaps make a plainer style sandwich, ham instead of salmon or something, and see if that makes it easier for her.


+1
original.gif

#21 ~ky~

Posted 13 November 2012 - 03:49 AM

My kids take fruit and veges only for lunch out of choice. They have a very substantial breakfast and a snack when they get home from school

11yo DD has had several comments from other kids but she just counters with "well, if I actually liked lollies, chippies and muesli vars I would be eating them but I prefer fruit and veges". They then ask if they can swap something for her apple or similar.

They have made it their mission to educate their classmates on the fact apples are better at keeping them alert than a cup of coffee or an energy drink!




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