I strongly, strongly, strongly echo what pinkplane has written. When an issue is at the level where it regularly and detrimentally affects a child and/or her family, it's time to get professional guidance from a qualified expert.
I would suggest that you ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician and/or a good clinical psychologist (the two often work hand in hand). You will probably have a lesser wait with the psych, as developmental paeds are notorious for having long waits (though don't let that deter you from booking in with one -- you might luck out & get someone else's cancelled appointment).
If you have a sec, please take a moment to read the thread below -- about the importance of seeking support when you have concerns about your child's development (hope this link works!):http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...=845645&hl=
I'm not a medical professional or behavioral specialist, but I am a mother of a little girl who has struggled with some of the same things you describe. I don't think it's fair to our girls to just hope that they will outgrow their issues -- especially when there are good professionals out there who can give them (and us as parents) support.
Good luck. I feel for you, as it can appreciate how hard it must be for you to see her struggle.