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WDYT about requesting which class
your child does or doesn't go into?


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#1 *Lib*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:17 PM

My daughter is in grade 2. She is just about finished the hardest of her 3 years at school. There is a clique of 4 of them and they are BFF's one minute, then they run away from each other and they are really nasty to each other. I'd like to respectfully request that my daughter not be in a class with them again next year. We've had issues all year, and I havne't got the emotional strength to help my daughter through another year of this. The kids have all been spoken to about it, my DD claims she is NEVER nasty....but we all know what kids are like Tounge1.gif

So I thought I might ask the head of jnr school for consideration when choosing classes. I never wanted to be one of those parents, always said I'd trust the school to worry about that and my DD would adjust to fit, but its so hard. We've had lots of issues getting her to go to school, and regularly coming home in tears.

We've tried to use this to teach her about not everyone being friends, but she just can't seem to distance herself from this group.....so mabye me getting involved will help.......

Do you think I should ask, or just leave it to chance?

Edited by *Lib*, 16 November 2012 - 05:20 PM.


#2 mum850

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:21 PM

QUOTE (*Lib* @ 16/11/2012, 06:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My daughter is in grade 2. She is just about finished the hardest of her 3 years at school. There is a clique of 4 of them and they are BFF's one minute, then they run away from each other and they are really nasty to each other. I'd like to respectfully request that my daughter not be in a class with them again next year. We've had issues all year, and I havne't got the emotional strength to help my daughter through another year of this. The kids have all been spoken to about it, my DD claims she is NEVER nasty....but we all know what kids are like Tounge1.gif

So I thought I might ask the head of jnr school for consideration when choosing classes. I never wanted to be one of those parents, always said I'd trust the school to worry about that and my DD would adjust to fit, but its so hard. We've had lots of issues getting her to go to school, and regularly coming home in tears.

We've tried to use this to teach her about not everyone being friends, but she just can't seem to distance herself from this group.....so mabye me getting involved will help.......

Do you think I should ask, or just leave it to chance?


Definitely ask!! Totally reasonable.

#3 MsNorbury

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:24 PM

I would ask.  My DD had similar issues last year and the teacher actually requested the girs be split up. I think in this case its perfectly reasonable.

#4 Tigerdog

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:30 PM

I guess it depends on how severe it is and whether you think it actually strays into the territory of bullying for your DD.  Are the teachers actually dealing with the nasty behaviours as they occur?  I would expect that they would be doing so, and fairly for all concerned.

It's good that you're using this as an opportunity to teach social skills and I agree that it's easier said than done.  It's easy to tell a child to just stay away from the nastiness but we forget what it's like to be a kid and to just want to be accepted, if they've been on the outer for a while then get shown some interest again of course a child is going to gravitate back toward the group.

I agree with PP, put it in writing, that way they need to respond rather than try to just brush it off.

Edited by Tigerdog, 16 November 2012 - 05:31 PM.


#5 Guest_CaptainOblivious_*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:31 PM

I don't see that as quite in the same category as I want/don't want X teacher.

We requested separate days at preschool for DD1 and her 'best friend'.  They were going to different schools in the long run and the friend was very controlling and manipulative. We had concerns about DD1's ability to make friends with the BF on the same day.

They went different days, made new friends and lived happily ever after.

I think in your DDs case, I would make sure the teachers knew about the issue and that you'd be happy for her to be given the opportunity to make new friends.

#6 Puffin

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:32 PM

I would ask. My MIL is a retired principal and her thoughts on parents asking were that as a principal you would rather parents be on your side so to speak and have an enjoyable year, rather than having to deal with frustrated parents all year. So if at all possible to grant a parent's request regarding which class, then she would - obviously there were times when this couldn't happen for whatever reason, but she would always try.

So I guess that' a long way of saying yes, ask. You've got nothing to lose and lots to gain.

#7 *Lib*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

QUOTE (Tigerdog @ 16/11/2012, 05:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I guess it depends on how severe it is and whether you think it actually strays into the territory of bullying for your DD.  Are the teachers actually dealing with the nasty behaviours as they occur?  I would expect that they would be doing so, and fairly for all concerned.

Their teacher is a first year male teacher dealing with 4 b**chy little girls. He's actually been really good with them.

#8 jewel2

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:33 PM

Hubby is a primary teacher and he has always said that quite a few parents request a class or specific teacher for the next year.

School usually tries to accomodate requests if they can.

So I would contact the principal or deputy principal to make the request. Class teachers dont make the final decision.

J

#9 *Lib*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (CaptainOblivious @ 16/11/2012, 05:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think in your DDs case, I would make sure the teachers knew about the issue and that you'd be happy for her to be given the opportunity to make new friends.

Ohhhh thats good!!!! Thank you!  original.gif

Edited by *Lib*, 16 November 2012 - 05:35 PM.


#10 Tigerdog

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:39 PM

QUOTE (*Lib* @ 16/11/2012, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Their teacher is a first year male teacher dealing with 4 b**chy little girls. He's actually been really good with them.


Then yes, if you feel all options have been explored re. dealing with the behaviours (which don't seem to sit with one child in particular but more the interactions within the group), then I'd definitely go ahead and make the request.

My DS1 (who is 4) and his cousin of the same age go to the same daycare, his mother and I have decided to send them to different schools and preschools from next year as they have a tendency to gang up on other kids when together (they also see each other a lot out of daycare).  When they're on their own with other kids they're fine.  Same at swimming lessons, they didn't get anything out the classes as they mucked around so we only had them together for one block, it was separate groups after that!

Edited by Tigerdog, 16 November 2012 - 05:57 PM.


#11 Mrs Optimus

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:49 PM

Definately ask.

I did - but they had already decided to seperate my DS and his friend as they just messed around all day!

#12 *Lib*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 05:53 PM

Well, I bit the bullet and sent an email off....can't hurt to try eh?

#13 SkyeMummy

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:00 PM

OP I could have written your post word for word apart from the fact that it is just 2 girls - my DD and another.

I have done exactly that. Put it in writing addressed to the Principal. I named names - which of course you have to if you want them separated, but did not get into nitty gritty about behaviour, just that the 2 girls had been together for the first 3 years of their schooling and as their personalities are developing they are tending to clash and it is becoming a problem. I explained that I am encouraging my daughter to resolve her own problems and learn some resilience and of course I know there are 2 sides to every story. My own DD has had a fair bit to deal with this year and I am just trying to help her cope with everything a little without getting directly involved.
I hope this gets her in a separate class to the other girl next year.

#14 Chocolate Addict

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:00 PM

I did last year. And would do it again if need be. Our school gives us a few weeks to put in class requests for the next year (closed today). They don't guarantee they will do as you asked but will try their best.


(PS - your sig is huge and is putting the whole page out, at least for me, anyway) original.gif



#15 *CalamityJane*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:02 PM

Our school is quite specific that they will not accept requests for particular classes.  In fact they put several notices in the school newsletter that all requests will be binned.  Their reasoning is that the requests are rarely for educational reasons.  (They do make an exception for multiple births - we get asked our  preferences for same or separate classes).  

However, the teachers have input and I know that if I spoke to DDs' teachers about reasons for putting them in classes with or without certain children they would definitely take that into consideration when making their recommendations.  It might be worth speaking to your DD's teacher as well in case your school has a similar approach.

#16 Swahili

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:04 PM

I'd definitely ask.

#17 Dionysus

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:05 PM

As a Head of School, I am happy to deal with parent requests re classes - home groups in my case, as I deal with seniors

Often, I have already been thinking about which groups to split up  original.gif



#18 SkyeMummy

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:05 PM

Just saw your update about the email OP. I would put it in writing as well and hand a copy to Principal. They get hundreds of emails a day and I would hate to see your email get missed.

#19 somila

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:05 PM

Up until this year we were encouraged to submit class placement requests, but now it has been vetoed (new principal).  Having said that I would still raise this as it is a specific issue, not  "I want teacher x".

#20 Julie3Girls

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:09 PM

I would put it writing.

Explain that there have been a lot of social issues which have been causing a lot of problems this year. That you think it would be preferrable for her to have the opportunity to develop new friendships away from these girls.
Be specific. Use names.
And don't make out your child is the angel, make it clear the problems have been between all the girls, and you would prefer them to seperated if possible.



#21 *Lib*

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:10 PM

QUOTE (Chocolate Addict @ 16/11/2012, 06:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
(PS - your sig is huge and is putting the whole page out, at least for me, anyway) original.gif

Sorry someone told me that yesterday and I thought I had shrunk it.......will go fix it now. Thanks

#22 JustBeige

Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:30 PM

QUOTE (Ibea @ 16/11/2012, 06:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Totally fine.

I'd write to the school rather than speak to them so the message gets tot the right person and just say you want to draw their attention to the ongoing issues and request they take that into consideration when planning next years classes. If you phrase it like that you can just be a concerned parent rather than being a "one of those" pushy parents.

This is the way I would approach it also.

#23 elmo77

Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:23 PM

At the school I work at, the teachers ask the kids for some friendship group suggestions...might be an idea for you to talk to your DD about who else (other than the kids you're concerned about) she'd like to be with.  We also have a staff meeting where classes are put together with other teachers of the grade, taking into account behaviour, special needs, spread of abilities, friendship groups that work (or perhaps don't), etc.

You might find too that your DD's teacher is thinking the same as you.  I would also talk to them about it...sometimes it's nice for us teachers to get the requests as well as the execs or principal.  Depends on who is doing the organising of the classes though I guess :-)

#24 Expelliarmus

Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:31 PM

I'm so glad you did. 4 b**chy little girls? Oy Vey.

Why no, I haven't ever encountered the energy sucking draining vortex that is 4 b**chy little girls at all - why do you ask? Tounge1.gif

They are probably already thinking it - a parent request adds weight and makes it closer to happening IMO.

#25 CupcakeMumma

Posted 16 November 2012 - 07:35 PM

Definitely ask, whilst I'm not in the camp of asking for specific teachers, I think a request like this is more than reasonable and I'm pretty sure you'll find that your request will be accepted, provided they have enough rooms to split them up.  

We can discuss with our principal any concerns we have such as this and they try very hard to help us.




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