After 8 years and seeing BFP after BFP I now get a chance to do it.
I'm still really guarded with my excitement - but *whispers* I'm pg.
Forgive me, but I've wanted to do that for sooooooo long!
Updated: I hope I don't regret this - but I've decided I've had my guard up for 15 years and god dammit, I don't want to do it anymore and have announced it. I want to soak every minute of this up - I'll let the fears come on Thursday with my next BT. But for now and right at this minute... I'M BLOODY PREGNANT!
10/1 - (9w3d) My Little Ones heart has stopped beating! I knew deep down it was coming but my heart still broke. I knew as soon as I saw the sac and the sobbing started even before the wand was removed.
I feel devestated for DP, as he was with me today but never got to see that precious little heart beat 2 weeks ago!
I'm now just waiting to find out when the surgery will be. I can't wait around to miscarry naturally, it could takes days, even a week or 2, for that to happen because of the progesterone support I have been on.
I just wanted thank everyone single one of you for your thoughts and kind words over the past couple of weeks, it's been wonderful and I'm so sorry I couldn't give you better news!
6/1 - (8w6d) Had some bad pains around lunchtime yesterday and then a couple of hours later I had some bleeding (along with cramping), but only when I wiped. But it was enough to send me in a bit of a panic and thinking the worst. I've woken up this morning with no bleeding and no cramping, but I do have sore tummy muscles. Will spend the day watching movies I think. Becoming mentally exhausted - I should be loving this, not thinking the worst with everything I feel!
(updating so I have something to refer back to if I need it later!)
3/1 - I'm still here - I have my scan booked for the 10th. One part of me dreads the scan, but another part of me doesn’t. Past 3 days I have had a lot of cramping - sometimes it’s really uncomfortable cramping - which has me running to the toilet ‘checking’ (love white toilet paper)
So for now, I’m plodding along and trying not to think about it too much - some days I’m successful and some days I’m not! The Mornings and Nights are the hardest because I can’t help but think about it when I am inserting the pessaries (progesterone support).
28/12 - Well I saw the tiniest of heartbeats this morning - but within a blink of an eye, the excitement was shot down! The growth has slowed down (1mm over a week) and the sonographer has said to prepare myself for it ending in a miscarriage. Now the wall has slammed itself back up again!
At least I now know what it's like to feel the excitement at seeing a heartbeat - even if it was for a split second.
ETA: it was the Dr overseeing the U/S who said it - not the sonographer!
21/12 - I wanted the rescan done today so there wouldn't be any doubt before having the surgery - but I've now been thrown into the lovely world of 'Inconclusive' - and naturally I won't be having the surgery! burst into tears and they took me to the 'special' room so I could compose myself before walking into the waiting area - which happened to have a room full of big pregnant bellies (that doesn't usually bother me). So the next week or so will see me wondering if my little one will perform a miracle or if I will miscarry. Being pushed to my limit now!
A little glimpse into the world of IVF.
18/12 - Had a scan and blood test today. Levels are only 5108 and it only measured 5w3d with no fetus present (it's a FET, so my dates can't be wrong). I'm booked in for another rescan (I asked them to do it) to confirm it and then will have surgery after that. My head knows that my little one wasn't strong enough to stay with me, now just how to work on the heart accepting it.
14/12 - Levels are only 3700 (was hoping for 6000+) - so I'm in limbo land again!
10/12 - My little one is a snuggle-bum - HCG is 1515 (expected 1260). Another BT on Friday and then I should also get a date for the Heart Beat scan for the following week.
7/12 - needed my HCG Levels to be at 172 - they are 315!!!!
Still shaking, my little one is starting to snuggle in!
Another BT on Monday, same thing, to check my levels are doubling every 48 hours!
6/12 - I had sharp pains yesterday which have made me feel really uneasy since yesterday! I had my BT this morning to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours, so around 2pm I should have gotten the results - but they just called to say their machine has broken down and I won't know the results until tomorrow. It's torture as it is, without that happening - in tears now!
Edited by Bwok~Bwok, 10 January 2013 - 11:52 AM.