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Kids sneaking out to swim at night
In a river


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#1 Fr0g

Posted 21 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

I'll preface this "what would you do" with a "it's not my child".

My son has a mate over (just 12), who has spent time at a river shack on the weekend. He went with a relative, the relative's partner and their kids. I believe those kids are 13. My son's friend's mum is my very close friend, not that its really relevant!

So the boys are catching up now, and I'm in the room hearing DS' best friend tell his story.  Aaaanyway, mate just recounted they dared each other to cross the river (approx 100m) at 4am when the adults were asleep.  I asked was whether they had life jackets on (to which he told me, yes).

What would you do/ think/ say? Would you expect the boys to be punished, told off or would you put it down to normal risk-taking? I am really mortified and if it was my son, there would be serious consequences.

Without wanting to re-ignite a helicoptering debate, just wondering about some other's thoughts.

#2 FreeRangeMum

Posted 21 January 2013 - 02:55 PM

Tough one, it does sound like normal teenage risk taking to me, but as for whether I'd say anything to the mother. Not sure.

#3 Monkey_Mind

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

If I was the mother I would want to know

#4 JustBeige

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:02 PM

Im talking about my relationship with my bff and how she parents.

If I knew that information and she found out and found out that I knew and didnt tell her she would kill me.

In my relationship, I would definitely tell and I know she would tell me.  

Not to get the kids into trouble - though they should be, but so it can be addressed with the relative.

The only problem I would have is not letting on that it came via my child.  I would ask that my friend stress that I heard the tale, not that my child told me.

I wouldnt want any problems with their friendship

#5 Tigerdog

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:08 PM

Definitely tell the parents - a huge safety issue, why anyone would countenance doing anything different is beyond me!  Issues about the nature of my friendship with the parents wouldn't even come into it!

Edited by Tigerdog, 21 January 2013 - 03:08 PM.


#6 Fr0g

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:11 PM

I'm not worried about our friendship, but I have a feeling she'll think I'm overreacting, or interfering.

I am going to tell my friend, that wasn't in doubt - I guess I wasn't wondering what to do, rather what others would do.

#7 opethmum

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:12 PM

I would not say anything, who know they could have been talking themselves up or exaggerating about their feats. I would put it down to boy will be boys and move on. Not worth it in my opinion.


#8 FreeRangeMum

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:17 PM

QUOTE (opethmum @ 21/01/2013, 03:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would not say anything, who know they could have been talking themselves up or exaggerating about their feats. I would put it down to boy will be boys and move on. Not worth it in my opinion.

That's what I was thinking but unable to verbalise it above lol!

#9 Monkey_Mind

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:20 PM

Not worth it? What if he is doing it and he drowns next time? At least by letting the parent know they can talk to their son about it. Imagine waking up to see your sons bed empty and not having a clue where he is or where to look and then finding out he drowned and people knew he was engaging in that risky behaviour but never said anything because "boys will be boys."

#10 Fr0g

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:21 PM

Yes, it could all be a tall tale - and for all I know, it may be no secret and the adults know anyway.

Maybe I'm really fearful of all the antics I have seen these holidays with this age group, lol!



#11 Ferelsmegz

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:29 PM

1) of course he told you they had life jackets on.. thats what you want to hear! But I can almost guarantee that they didnt

2) if i didnt tell my friend and vise versa she/we would be ropable. Its definately not helicoptor parenting...

#12 **Xena**

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

I'd tell the mother definitely.

How big a risk it was depends on a few things I guess- the river (how fast if flows etc) and whether they really were wearing life jackets are two major things that come to mind.

#13 baddmammajamma

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:37 PM

QUOTE (UpTheDuff78 @ 21/01/2013, 04:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not worth it? What if he is doing it and he drowns next time? At least by letting the parent know they can talk to their son about it. Imagine waking up to see your sons bed empty and not having a clue where he is or where to look and then finding out he drowned and people knew he was engaging in that risky behaviour but never said anything because "boys will be boys."


I would definitely say something -- it's VERY dangerous behavior. And if the boys are just telling tales, then they ought to be told in no uncertain terms that crossing a river in the middle of the night with no adult present is totally reckless.

If a friend of mine thought that *I* was overreacting, I would seriously question whether her head was screwed on correctly.


#14 Tigerdog

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:40 PM

QUOTE
I'm not worried about our friendship, but I have a feeling she'll think I'm overreacting, or interfering.


Better this than the other scenario the PP mentioned, waking up to not having a child anymore and not having been able to do a damn thing about it!

#15 Fr0g

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:43 PM

QUOTE
1) of course he told you they had life jackets on.. thats what you want to hear! But I can almost guarantee that they didnt


That's what I suspect, too.

#16 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

Tell your friend.  Approach it in a 'this is what the boys were saying, lord knows if it was true or not..' way but you need to tell her.

I think the momentary embarrassment if she thinks you are a bit of an overprotective drama queen will be far less painful than having to have the worry that they might actually have done it and may do it again on your conscience...


(I can't imagine they did though - rivers at night are very scary..  and this is coming from someone who likes swimming in rivers AND swimming at night.....but not at the same time!)




#17 ~Sorceress~

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

I'd trust my friends to react appropriately if I told them the circumstances under which I extracted the information.

It may well have been appropriate risk taking depending on the children's water safety and confidence. My dh grew up on a river and is much more confident with river swimming than I am - but you also never know whether or not the parents were actually aware wink.gif .

#18 josh2003

Posted 21 January 2013 - 03:52 PM

If it was just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool (something my friends and I often did as teenagers), I would let it go, but since it was in a river, then I would definitely say something. I'd also be giving my son a very long lecture about the dangers of what his friends did, just in case he's ever in the same situation.



#19 baddmammajamma

Posted 21 January 2013 - 04:04 PM

QUOTE (josh2003 @ 21/01/2013, 04:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If it was just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool (something my friends and I often did as teenagers), I would let it go, but since it was in a river, then I would definitely say something. I'd also be giving my son a very long lecture about the dangers of what his friends did, just in case he's ever in the same situation.


I used to engage in some stupid behavior as a 12/13-year-old, too, but that doesn't mean I want my kids to do the same. I'd be saying something about sneaking off for a night swim in a pool without adult supervision, as well, which is also dangerous behavior. I'm sure Kat/hannabug could provide us with a few very scary stats about deaths/near deaths for "just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool."  I don't want my kids thinking it's EVER a good idea to sneak off to swim without proper supervision.

#20 fancie

Posted 21 January 2013 - 05:02 PM



The great danger in river swimming is not just how fast the river is flowing but the unseen snags in the river that can change unexpectedly - what wasn't there this morning has been hauled down the river and is there tonight.

I too think the boys wearing life jackets is bullsh*te.

FGS tell your friend.

#21 ubermum

Posted 21 January 2013 - 05:21 PM

QUOTE (FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog @ 21/01/2013, 04:43 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's what I suspect, too.

That's what I suspect too. What kid swims a dare in a life jacket? A dare is about taking a risk.




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