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wedding invitation etiquette


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#1 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:32 AM

Short story:

Aunt and Uncles are invited, cousins and extended family are not (big family, not close).

One Aunt and Uncle still have two adult (30) kids at home.

Do we need to specify or is the fact that it says "to aunt and uncle,"  enough?

I'd prefer not to start inviting distant cousins as that would add 30+ people and as I said, we aren't't geographically or emotionally close.

Thoughts?

#2 PatG

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:35 AM

Just invite the Aunt and Uncles.  If you address it specifically to them, by last name on the envelope and first names on the invitation it should be pretty clear who is invited.

#3 SeaPrincess

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:38 AM

I would have thought that just "to aunt and uncle" would be enough, especially with adult children because I would send them their own invitations if they were invited.

But I've realised that you just never know what crazy things people will do when it comes to weddings!

#4 orangepeanut

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:39 AM

Well whenever I receive an invitation I always assume that the names listed on the invite are the people that are invited. So when we get an invite for only DH & I we never take our kids.

But that's me and you know what happens when you assume!

We had an uncle not come to our wedding because his kids (14,17 & 19) where not invited, no children were.

Do you have anyone that can subtlety mention it to then to gauge whether there are intending to bring their grown up children

#5 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:43 AM

Before I joined EB I would have known without shadow of a doubt that an invitation was for the people who's names appeared on the invitation.

One would hope that adults (your cousins) would be able to understand that too...

I would be enlisting someone to do a subtle check for you though if you suspect they wouldn't.

#6 elizabethany

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:45 AM

I once rang the MIL to check whether I could bring DS (he was 1), but was happy when she told me it was child free.  I would assume that any child over the age of 16 would get their own invite.

If I was in Aunts shoes, I would assume the adult kids were not invited.

#7 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 February 2013 - 09:46 AM

Address it to the names of the people who are invited - that should be clear enough.

#8 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 10:14 AM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 17/02/2013, 09:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Before I joined EB I would have known without shadow of a doubt that an invitation was for the people who's names appeared on the invitation.

One would hope that adults (your cousins) would be able to understand that too...

I would be enlisting someone to do a subtle check for you though if you suspect they wouldn't.


Yes, I knew this before I joined EB too laughing2.gif

I might leave it as Aunt and Uncle and see what transpires!  Hopefully they work it out without asking...

#9 SplashingRainbows

Posted 17 February 2013 - 10:20 AM

I certainly would not expect to go to a wedding my parents were invited to - whether I was living at home or not.


#10 namie

Posted 17 February 2013 - 10:22 AM

QUOTE (PatG @ 17/02/2013, 10:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just invite the Aunt and Uncles.  If you address it specifically to them, by last name on the envelope and first names on the invitation it should be pretty clear who is invited.

I agree.

It can be a minefield with large families though, so good luck!

#11 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 10:49 AM

QUOTE (namie @ 17/02/2013, 10:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree.

It can be a minefield with large families though, so good luck!


OMG - just noticed your new Sig, congratulations!! Very exciting!

Yes, large families are a bit of a problem and my Dad (who is in no way contributing to the wedding) has a tendency to want to invite people rather than offend them - so if they ask him he's bound to go "I'm sure dinosaurus won't mind them coming" even though he knows full well I am not inviting any cousins!!

Park soon?

#12 namie

Posted 17 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

QUOTE (Dinosaurus @ 17/02/2013, 11:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OMG - just noticed your new Sig, congratulations!! Very exciting!

Yes, large families are a bit of a problem and my Dad (who is in no way contributing to the wedding) has a tendency to want to invite people rather than offend them - so if they ask him he's bound to go "I'm sure dinosaurus won't mind them coming" even though he knows full well I am not inviting any cousins!!

Park soon?

Thank you original.gif It is very exciting, and a little scary too lol!

I can totally see your Dad inviting everyone under the sun, inadvertently, lol! It definitely needs to be immediate family only (as much as possible) once you start with the cousins there's no end to them biggrin.gif

Yes, the park soon would be great! We're moving house in the next couple of weeks, but after that we'll have playtime and weekends back thankfully.

#13 Pssst...

Posted 17 February 2013 - 11:45 AM

When planning our wedding we couldn't cater for cousins due to the size of the venue (not to mention the cost). Before the invitations went out I sent an email to all the aunts and uncles letting them know. That way there was no confusion about who the invite was actually for.

In my case though, there were plenty of cousins still living at home, and I was the first not to invite cousins to my wedding so I wanted to give them a heads up

#14 Soontobegran

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:04 PM

The invitation is just for those whose names appear on it.
I am also one of those people who never ever thought this could be seen as ambiguous pre EB  original.gif

You need to have a friendly chat with your dad, there are many who do not understand the cost for each person.
I know my parents got the shock of their lives when we were planning our DD's weddings. They wanted their siblings and their siblings children as they were family but they had no idea.
My wedding cost them $3.75 per head PLUS alcohol  of course biggrin.gif

#15 Lots of stripes

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:16 PM

QUOTE (Pssst... @ 17/02/2013, 12:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
When planning our wedding we couldn't cater for cousins due to the size of the venue (not to mention the cost). Before the invitations went out I sent an email to all the aunts and uncles letting them know. That way there was no confusion about who the invite was actually for.

In my case though, there were plenty of cousins still living at home, and I was the first not to invite cousins to my wedding so I wanted to give them a heads up



That's a good idea. I agree that people should understand if names are not on the invitation then they are not invited, but there are some people out there with a big sense of entitlement who just assume (or are really naive??)..... also picking up on something a previous poster wrote, that children over 16 should have their own invite... well, in my mind regardless of the age of the child they are not invited unless "and family" or specific names are there.

#16 CharliMarley

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:24 PM

And it doesn't matter how you arrange the guests at your wedding, there will still be someone like Great Aunt Fanny, who will be offended that she wasn't asked, along with Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. rolleyes.gif

#17 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:14 PM

QUOTE (Winterdanceparty @ 17/02/2013, 12:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And it doesn't matter how you arrange the guests at your wedding, there will still be someone like Great Aunt Fanny, who will be offended that she wasn't asked, along with Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. rolleyes.gif


Indeed.

No way is Uncle Tom Cobbley coming - did you hear what he did at cousin Annie's wedding?

Thanks all, I will have a stern talk with Dad - I can't send an email as most of my aunts and uncles on that side live in a black hole where the phone is still too modern!  I will  just be blunt if they ask and tell dad to do the same.

Namie - I am in the culling process if there is any kind of baby junk you want.  Or an exercise bike!

#18 epl0822

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

I've been invited to a wedding where the bride and groom only addressed me and DH in the invitation, so I assumed DS wasn't invited and found a babysitter. When we went to the wedding DS was included in the table setting, turns out the couple assumed we knew the invitation was extended to DS. So the confusion can occur both ways.

If you want to make sure, I would clarify with the aunt and uncle.

#19 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (Dinosaurus @ 17/02/2013, 03:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
No way is Uncle Tom Cobbley coming - did you hear what he did at cousin Annie's wedding?



I thought that everyone who was involved in that agreed to Never. Speak of it. Again......

#20 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:40 PM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 17/02/2013, 03:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought that everyone who was involved in that agreed to Never. Speak of it. Again......


But this is EB! Normal rules don't apply here.

#21 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

QUOTE (Old Grey Mare @ 17/02/2013, 03:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But this is EB! Normal rules don't apply here.


I'm not speaking, I'm typing.

Glad the photographer had already left.

#22 countrylivingmum

Posted 17 February 2013 - 04:34 PM

I had this at my wedding people brought their adult children even though they were not on the invite so my mum noticed and had a quiet word with my aunt and cousin between the ceremony and reception apologising for the mix up ( even though it wasn't our mix up and turned out ok )

It might just pay to have a quiet word with them maybe if they really want to come to the ceremony they can but just explain the reception numbers are limited. I would still only put the aunt and uncles names on the invite though.

#23 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 17 February 2013 - 04:49 PM

Oh wow countrylivingmum - that is weird!

My sister had similar issues in that when they announced their engagement (they worked together) her boss said "fantastic we'll close the restaurant for the night" and they sort of went. Ohhh....right.... laughing2.gif

Anyway, I need to nip it in the bum before anyone comes because I live in a different State to them so once they pay for flights and accommodation not giving them dinner will seem exceptionally cheap biggrin.gif

The wedding is not until next year, we are sending out save the dates as a lot of family and friends are overseas and interstate. Hopefully I shall have time to say "no, you're two adult sons who I have met about as dozen times in my life are not invited, nor are their girlfriends whom I have never met!"

I am looking forward to becoming bridezilla though so hopefully there is some fall out - what's a wedding without a massive family fight?

#24 cuddlebud

Posted 17 February 2013 - 06:41 PM

Wedding website with online RSVP? Then you can limit it to just two rsvp's, they should get the hint then...

#25 sa5ha

Posted 17 February 2013 - 06:49 PM

I'm midway through wedding planning at the moment (we've sent save the dates but invitations won't go out for another month or so) and have addressed invitations to the people invited only.
I think the vast majority of people will take the hint from that.

And if someone is an adult but living at home still, normally you'd send a separate invite to them I would think so the lack of that is a clear sign.

Edited by sa5ha, 17 February 2013 - 06:52 PM.





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