The warning signs were right there in the beginning, when she organized a play date with me, but promptly dumped her kid with allergies on me. I expected her to stay, we would have coffee, the kids would play, especially considering we were practically strangers. No, she arrived, dropped her kid off and said she had something in the oven so had to go, but would pick her kid up at 5. No mention of the fact he was not toilet trained (but still in underwear) and she didn't talk to me about his allergies, nor did she provide any safe food for him to eat. (and thankfully I was vaguely aware he had allergies enough to contact her before giving him stuff that may have been dangerous). The day was horrible. He urinated all over my house, ate everything he possibly could and he trashed the house completely because he just doesn't listen. I took him home well before his mother was meant to pick him up.
So here we are 1.5 years later, and I can not avoid her as much as I used to be able to. Our children are in the same class at school! Every morning she asks to catch up, and I am constantly giving excuses to try get out of doing anything with her (thankfully because I have so much going on in my life, I don't even have to make them up, just exaggerate them a bit). Then every afternoon her kid asks me if we can go to their house after school. I hate it, it is so awkward. How can I say no to a kid? I can't just say no to either of them (her and her son) either, they ask why!!!
She is always relying on me to baby sit, even though 99% of the time I say no, I still resent that she asks me. The only times I have done so are when there has been a emergency and her husband is away. Yet, the ONE time I needed someone to sit in my house while I take myself to ED she ignored my message and the following calls (iMessage sends read receipts, I knew she had read my message).
The thing I struggle with is the fact that I know she is struggling, so I find it hard to ignore her or cut her off or just be rude. Plus in general I a not a rude person, I'm friendly with everyone. But it's affecting me. I feel like I am shutting the other school mums off because if I say no to her then I have to say no to the either mums.
The other day I had to go to the shops after school pickup, but my toddler had done a poo so I dropped by at home to change her first, and I got a message from her "I thought you had to go to the shops?"..
I am sick of having to avoid this woman, like dropping my child off at her class and running, or picking my child up 5 minutes later than I usually would. She won't get the hint! After 2 years of brushing her off she just does not get the hint.
I'm a great friend usually, I will help my friends out when they need it (including with baby sitting), I will listen to them when they need it. But I expect it in return.
This woman I have (begrudgingly) listened to her endless life dramas, money issues, her getting pregnant then terminating, her struggling with her 3 kids, her struggling with her husband being away. I've looked after her kids when she has had to take another one (or herself) to the ED or doctor. She has never, ever been there for me (not that I ever would rely on her because she is so emotionally unstable) but she ever asks how I am or anything, just the small general stuff that would show that a friend cares about you. She has never returned the favour in babysitting (not that I would because I know she can't handle her 3 kids, so why would I burden her with more kids), apart from the one night when I was in extreme pain and vomiting due to a gall stone attack and all I needed was for her to sit here while my husband comes home from work (and I knew her husband was at home at the time) to take over.
She is really offensive in her opinions. I can handle people having differing opinions, but she is completely rude and offensive. I'm talking racist, making rude comments about disabled people, making rude or offensive comments about mothers who are bottle feeding, blatantly and openly (and irrationally) judging people. It's embarrassing. I've had mutual people ask me if she is ok mentally. I feel embarrassed to even be associated with her.
At first I just ignored her, but now it makes me so angry, and if I dare question her on it she just gets all irrational and emotional, like its a personal attack on her then other people dislike me because I've been 'mean' to her (but they don't now the full story).
I love kids, but I can't stand her kids. A few times I've gone to the park with them, and I've taken a few things for my kids to snack on while we walk to and from the park. Left them in the bottom of the pram, somewhat concealed. They always go through the pram and just help themselves to the food, and she doesn't bat an eyelid. I'll tell the kids no, to leave it alone as its for my kids to eat on the way home, but they just continuously get at it and by the end of it I'm so exhausted I just give in. She just sits there and does nothing! The other day they tipped all the water out of 3 water bottles, so my two children didn't have any water to drink on the way home (and it was a hot day too). Not to mention they then got filled with sand, too.
They are just really full on, don't listen, and don't give you any personal space at all.
Overall we don't have anything in common, not one thing, apart from having children, and having partners that work away or awkward shifts.
I could keep going but really all I want to know is how to handle this, how to tell her nicely to back off, without potentially turning her nasty as she is someone who could potentially get rather nasty. I have to deal with her every day after all, unfortunately.
Edited by Anon2012, 27 February 2013 - 12:27 PM.