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Bullying & teaching resilience


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#1 ~Mo+Moosh~

Posted 07 March 2013 - 03:01 PM

I've just collected our 6 year old DS from school to be informed from his teacher that DS is being bullied and may not want to come to school tomorrow. This certainly explains our sons attitude to school over the past few weeks and we had expressed concerns to his teacher 2 weeks ago which she dismissed as having an unsettled class.

She has suggested that we need to teach our son some resilience and while I agree that resilience is a wonderful skill to have I was shocked that the teacher would suggest that the solution for the bullying is to teach the victim to accept it?

She did not seek out any of the parents of the children who are doing the bullying.

We have contacted the school to make an appointment with the principal as we feel the teachers approach is completely unacceptable.

Are we justified in being upset with his teachers approach?



#2 Etcetera

Posted 07 March 2013 - 03:12 PM

Absolutely justified!

Teaching resilience should definitely be done, but to put all the responsibility onto the victim is ridiculous.
Do they have a no bullying policy?
Definitely follow up with the principal.

#3 JustBeige

Posted 07 March 2013 - 03:17 PM

QUOTE (~Mo+Moosh~ @ 07/03/2013, 04:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've just collected our 6 year old DS from school to be informed from his teacher that DS is being bullied and may not want to come to school tomorrow. This certainly explains our sons attitude to school over the past few weeks and we had expressed concerns to his teacher 2 weeks ago which she dismissed as having an unsettled class.

She has suggested that we need to teach our son some resilience and while I agree that resilience is a wonderful skill to have I was shocked that the teacher would suggest that the solution for the bullying is to teach the victim to accept it?

She did not seek out any of the parents of the children who are doing the bullying.

We have contacted the school to make an appointment with the principal as we feel the teachers approach is completely unacceptable.

Are we justified in being upset with his teachers approach?

Based on the information you have shared here,  then yes I would be upset.

I would be asking the school for their policy on bullying and  what their duty of care to your child is.

You may want to investigate further what is happening between the children though.  its not common for a teacher to take the stance she has and maybe your definitions of bullying differ.

#4 ~Mo+Moosh~

Posted 07 March 2013 - 07:07 PM

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 07/03/2013, 04:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Based on the information you have shared here,  then yes I would be upset.

I would be asking the school for their policy on bullying and  what their duty of care to your child is.

You may want to investigate further what is happening between the children though.  its not common for a teacher to take the stance she has and maybe your definitions of bullying differ.


They have a zero tolerance policy on bullying.

I may have been less concerned if she hasn't used the terminology to describe what was happening.

My husband has been to see the VP this afternoon and he will discuss it further tomorrow with the teacher concerned and report back to us.

I just don't what to end up in a situation where our bright son hates school because of behaviour like this being able to continue.



#5 Sif

Posted 07 March 2013 - 07:18 PM

The teacher doesn't seem to understand the meaning of resilience.

Resilience is not being passive while you are bullied, nor is it ignoring a bully. Resilience comes from the understanding that someone has your back when you are overwhelmed, that you are safe and will be okay.

Takling to the Principal and saying the other children need to be addressed as well, backing your child, will teach him resilience. He needs to know he has done nothing to deserve this behaviour from the other kids and it is not okay for them to treat him this way.

#6 Handsfull

Posted 07 March 2013 - 08:42 PM

Hopefully you get a better answer from the Principal than the teacher.  Are you just supposed to teach them how to cover their heads when they get hit?  .... NO!

When our DDs were in Grade 1 there was a ton of bullying going on from both the teacher and other students, separate incidents.  20/25 parents went to complain on how the teacher was with the class and the principal just said your children need to learn to grow up and deal with it.

Needless to say quite a few of us have left the school.  

Hope you don't need to take it as far as we did.

GL and hope it works out.  Poor little mite.

#7 Dionysus

Posted 07 March 2013 - 08:55 PM

QUOTE (~Mo+Moosh~ @ 07/03/2013, 03:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've just collected our 6 year old DS from school to be informed from his teacher that DS is being bullied and may not want to come to school tomorrow. This certainly explains our sons attitude to school over the past few weeks and we had expressed concerns to his teacher 2 weeks ago which she dismissed as having an unsettled class.

She has suggested that we need to teach our son some resilience and while I agree that resilience is a wonderful skill to have I was shocked that the teacher would suggest that the solution for the bullying is to teach the victim to accept it?

She did not seek out any of the parents of the children who are doing the bullying.

We have contacted the school to make an appointment with the principal as we feel the teachers approach is completely unacceptable.

Are we justified in being upset with his teachers approach?



How do you know this?

#8 ~Mo+Moosh~

Posted 07 March 2013 - 09:47 PM

You're right, I don't know with any certainty that she didn't. I am only going from our discussion today regarding her approach with these kids and the fact she returned to the classroom.

It will be clarified tomorrow when we discuss the matter further with the vice principal, who has been wonderful to deal with so far.



#9 José

Posted 07 March 2013 - 09:54 PM

I would want to clarify the use of the words bullying and resilience.  I thonk tgese words are usef a lot more than they used to be and at times maybe misused- im not saying by you but perhaps by the teacher.  I read a great book on bullying once. I think it was by ken rigby about how kids who are victims might behave or change in order to try to prevent ongoing bullying.  Of course bullying is not okay and should not be condoned how ever if a child does experience it-and many will- they nerc to be able to respond some how.  Whether that's by telling a teachet, having the courage to keep coming to school,  etc

#10 fudgeit

Posted 16 March 2013 - 04:02 PM

QUOTE
She has suggested that we need to teach our son some resilience and while I
agree that resilience is a wonderful skill to have I was shocked that the
teacher would suggest that the solution for the bullying is to teach the victim
to accept it?


Unfortunately this is the approach of many schools today.  We moved our dd to another school because the bullying was so bad, and we had been fed the resilience line on multiple occassions.  I can only say from mine and some friends experience that if this is the way the teacher reacted, then it will probably also be the way the school reacts.  It's far easier for them to single out the victim than the bullies, in my experience there are far more bullies than victims, and even schools are frightened to stand up to them.  I'm so sorry your family is going through this.  It is heartbreaking to watch your child be victimised first by bullies, then secondly by thier own school.




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