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Why is #2 harder?

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#1 mimilo

Posted 18 April 2013 - 09:56 AM

hi everyone,

i used to use these forums when ttc our first and now i'm back again.

i found out our fresh icsi cycle failed today and i just needed somewhere to vent.

we were very lucky to get our beautiful boy from our first cycle but since then it's been downhill. we really want to give him a sibling but it isn't going well so far. the first month when we started trying again i fell pregnant naturally (amazing) but that ended as a missed miscarriage. our fs was very excited though and encouraged us to keep trying naturally which we did for a year and a half without any luck. so back to the ivf and that's not working out so far either. this time i had 13 eggs and it only resulted in 2 decent embryos. only one left now, in the freezer.

the other two girls from my original ivf support group who i'm now good friends with both fell pregnant naturally with number two straight away and have never had to go back to ivf. it feels really unfair. there's going to be a minimum of 4 years between our ds and his possible sibling, if he ever gets one.

why is it so much harder to concieve number two? shouldn't it be easier than number one?

anyway, thanks for letting me vent x

#2 Elsie4321

Posted 20 October 2014 - 01:52 AM

Hi Mimilo,

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time trying to have your second baby. We have 3 children and all of them have taken longer to conceive than we planned, the quickest was 2 years and the longest a decade to conceive and so we have a large age gap and a moderate age gap between siblings.

Although we wanted all our children to be much closer in age, it's worked out very well. Older children can be mentors for younger ones, a bigger age gap reduces the likelihood of competition because they're at very different stages and there's nothing so sweet as to see an older sibling care for and love their younger sibling with such deep appreciation that siblings close together don't have when they're young.

We can't always choose the age gaps between siblings, but there's distinct benefits no matter how it ends up, whether they're 12 months, 5 years or 12 years apart. When baby finally comes you will see the unique things about the sibling relationship as it is and it will be good :)

Worrying about getting and staying pregnant is hard enough, just trust the sibling relationship will work itself out when the time comes.

I hope you get your sticky BFP very soon.

Take care,

#3 Elsie4321

Posted 20 October 2014 - 01:56 AM

Sorry, I just realised I replied to an 18 month old post. I really don't have the hang of this yet.
Mimilo, I still hope everything turned out well for you :)

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