I am so sorry you are going through this.
A hurt to a child is magnified a million times to a parent as we always want to protect them and shelter them from the hurts in life.
I agree with a lot of the posts here and I would call the party invitations bullying too. Exclusion is bullying.
The best champion for your child is you. I remember my son complaining of bullying (some kids older than him were stealing his lunch and taking his clothes, throwing his hat in the tree and as there was a no hat no play policy he wouldn't be able to play).
We didn't tackle it properly, we didn't keep communicating with the school, and I wasn't assertive enough in talking to the school about it. When he complained about losing his stuff (I am very sad and ashamed to admit this now) I wondered if he was just being careless and lying to me about it because he was scared of getting into trouble with me.
He started walking around with his head down and his shoulders bowed. He looked like a whipped dog.
In the end we moved schools, and yes it was the best thing we did for him. Apart from him being extremely happy, suddenly he was no longer losing his stuff. If I had wanted evidence that he hadn't been lying to me this was it.
Also the school has a duty of care. Knowing what I know now, I would keep escalating it until I had a response; take your husband with you as two parents show you mean business. Talk to the teacher, then talk to whoever she reports to, then talk to the principle. usually schools have an anti bullying policy. The highest escalation will be if you put things down in writing to the principal then the school would have to respond.
After my son changed schools, we talked a lot about walking around with your head up, your shoulders back, looking confident, looking people in the eyes. Bullies target kids who lack self esteem and are not confident (and don't look confident). I took my son to swimming training as he was good at it, it had the beneficial side effect of building up his muscles too, and it did wonders for his self esteem and confidence. Sport also releases endorphins and he would get rid of his "grumpies" by swimming laps. Always came out a little sunshine.
If there's one thing in my sons childhood that I regret though, I wish I had camped at the school when he was being bullied and protected him from what was happening.
I guess I comfort myself that he now has heaps of confidence. He's at uni and the president of the committee for the degree that he's doing (he's doing engineering) and he has heaps of friends who voted for him to get this position. So maybe that experience about looking confident helped him.
(And maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better because of my guilt. Oops.)
Just a suggestion, but could you invite one of the nicer boys around to your house for a play date?
There is a pack mentality with bullying. Kids follow the leader, partly through fear of being bullied themselves. Maybe if you systematically invite kids over one at a time you can build up a friendship support group for him, as he must feel very isolated and alone.
I used to do contract work. I remember one year I took a contract over christmas, and I wasn't invited to the office xmas party as only permanent staff were invited. I must have been the only contractor (I was covering someone on parental leave) and I sat in this empty building while everyone went off to their nice lunch. Phones were going off everywhere, echoing on different floors, and I felt absolutely awful. Not being invited to a party is pretty miserable even for adults! We all crave acceptance and want to belong to the group.
Edited for typos, sorry.
Edited by Marge10, 28 May 2014 - 09:10 PM.