Jump to content

Thoughts creeping up to quit Bfing.. already


  • Please log in to reply
71 replies to this topic

#1 Koobie83

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:06 PM

Hi,

B'fing is going really well. My LO had such a good instinct to latch on right from birth and everything has been going really well. But now, only 1 week later thoughts are coming through telling me to switch to formula.

What do you suggest? I know that the routine things are not popular and demand feeding should be preferred, but on the two occasions I've tried taking the baby out of the house for things (doctor visits) she's needed a feed while out and I've struggled settling her and feeding her in public. I'm a fairly modest person (and a bit of a prude) and while I fully support women bfing in public, I don't think I can really do that.


Then there is the constant demands on me. I'm pretty tired and I feel like I need to sneak in those precious few minutes to eat, shower and do things for myself, DH and the house while she is sleeping. The rest of the time I'm feeding her trying to find a comfy position before my back starts killing me.

What do you suggest I do? I know I need to get into some sort of rhythm or routine so I can plan and do things (and get out of the house) but how? Unless I do I will probably give up already which is sad because it's been going so well so far and it's the best thing for her. I sort of feel a bit cheated from being able to labour naturally, so being able to breastfeed so easily has been such a blessing.

#2 deedee15

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:13 PM

Are you able to express, to give your DH a chance to do the feeds too, and give yourself some time??


#3 Fright bat

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:19 PM

You have a one week old? It gets WAY easier.

I had one bottle fed (from 5 weeks) and one breastfed (until 10 months) baby (stopped both times to go back to work). The breastfed baby was SO much easier. You'll get the hang of feeding discretely in public, and night feeds are so much easier and faster. While bottle feeding may seem a convenience, washing bottles, making formula, finding someone to heat it etc etc is a real pain.

If you found breastfeed hard, painful or difficult - I would not push it. I'm all for women making a choice based on what is best for them. But if you want maximum convenience? Breastfeeding wins hands down.

#4 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:19 PM

Honestly the next few weeks will be hard. Learning to manage BF in public, establishing supply, being exhausted, first growth spurt. It's all hard work. IT really depends on if the benefits of what you've already said has been an easy BF relationship so far outweigh the work.

I found after a few weeks NIP was easier, and I've never once had anyone mention anything to me at all. BF became an incredibly easy way to sooth, settle, feed DS.

I worked thru a difficult start to BF and found the benefits to be immense, let alone the ease and low cost of it all.

So, really, if you hate it, don't do it. Don't feel like you have to do something because someone else tells you to. There are crap days (but I don't think thats exclusive to BF babies!) but eventually I found it more then worth the struggles.



#5 iheartu

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:21 PM

She's only brand new she should work herself into a bit of a routine soon.

Do you have a sling? I used to wear a feeding top and pop her in the sling when we were out and just feed on the go. Most people wouldn't even know you're feeding.

Not that there is anything wrong with FF as I ended up doing it with both my girls due to low supply so no judgement here.

Edited for spelling

Edited by iheartu, 10 May 2013 - 06:23 PM.


#6 Bazinga

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:24 PM

I had these thoughts also.

I was very embarrassed when feeding in public so made sure there was always a feeding room near where I was going otherwise I would just pop back to my car, turn the music on and sit in the back seat and enjoy a quiet moment while feeding.

I made it through by knowing I was giving my baby the best start possible.



#7 Jenflea

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:24 PM

The first weeks are the hardest. I actually felt resentful of feeding my baby at about 2 weeks in. But you get past it. She goes for longer between feeds.

You can try expressing, but I never could.

I would feed before we left the house, only go out for a short time, feed in the back corner of a cafe if I had to, or the car in the undercover carpark etc.
And honestly, BF is amazing, it's something only you can do, and it;s so much easier than formula! It;s free, perfectly suited to your baby, FREE, no bottles needing to be made up or heated...But yes, it really does tie you down in the early weeks.

Can your husband do more around the house? looking after a baby is 24/7 at first. Is there family you can call on for help? Do groceries online? SKIP THE HOUSEWORK!! Easier said than done, but really, do the bare minimum for now, buy takeaway, eat soup, lower standards. get through the early weeks and things will get better.

And if you really don't want to BF; mix feed, or express and have your husband do a night feed every night or so.



#8 unicycle

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:28 PM

I am sure you will get lots of good advice here. Are there any ABA( Australain Breastfeeding Association) meeting near you? The mums there will have great tips for helping you to feed discreetly when out and about. They will also understand you better than we can, because we only can infer from your writing; they will be able to see facial expressions and body language and from your voice how it is going.
From a tiredness point of view, not needing to sterilise and measure, and having milk on tap, was a lot less work for me. It, of course, you can also express and hand over a bottle feed to someone else.
ABA also have a phone number you can call for help.
I found them really useful and when I was struggling, they reassured me that no one would feel less of me if I combined Breastfeeding with formula. It didn't have to be all or nothing.

Good luck and congratulations on a two-legged baby!

#9 Mianta

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:30 PM

It gets easier and is so convienient once it is fully established. Once your breasts have settled into feeding, you will find that you can go out and feed in public (or not there is such things as breasfeeding rooms in the majority of shopping centres0drs clinics etc).

Please don't pressure yourself to be a superwoman by having outings, one week out from giving birth. And I second the idea of expressing off a feed, so your dh can help out when need be.

As for establishing routine, do realise your baby may not want to do a routine. My demand fed breastfed baby had more of a routine than my formula fed baby, who also expected feeds by demand. I recommend getting a sling. You acn use it to comfort your baby in public, by allowing her to always be close to you or use it to breastfeed discreetly when out and about. I breastfed my daughter while she was in a sling plenty of times and no one had any idea. Some people actually thought my sling was a large bag and got a shock when they saw a little baby foot sticking out.

Good luck op, it gets easier.

#10 Accidental

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:32 PM

It's a new skill for you, and a new skill for her. Go easy on yourself!

Feeding in public is tricky until you've had practice. If you don't feel comfortable waving a boob in the breeze (and babies do tend to unlatch themselves at THE most inopportune moment) then either get a nursing cover or light wrap and practice using it at home until you're confident, before venturing out. The other option is to express (you can get a cheap hand pump if you're only going to do it occasionally) and just bottle feed while you're out.

As for your impending sore back, a firm pillow under the baby while they are very young works wonders. No need to buy a specific one, just stuff two normal pillows in one case and you'll be fine. You are using muscles, for a long time, that you've probably never used in that way before, it's usual to be a bit sore but it does pass quickly. When I was feeding out and about sans pillow, I'd find a feeding room and put my legs over the arm of the chair - it made a comfortable baby support on the go. And remember, very soon your tiny baby will be quite large, and will rest comfortably on your lap unassisted.

Feeding my babies was the nicest thing I could do for them - it was a bit tricky learning the ropes, but then they loved it and I loved it. And it was SO much more convenient, in our situation, than bottles. But if feeding is something you just can't get into, then don't feel guilty about stopping. The alternatives here are safe and healthy, and in the end, it's entirely your call!




#11 merleauponty

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:33 PM

If you are shy about BF in public, get yourself a nursing cover - something like this: http://www.bebeaulait.com/products/bebe-au...-nursing-covers. My husband popped out and bought me one from a baby shop when DD was a couple of weeks old; she is now 5 months old and I still use it all the time when I am out.

You of course need to make the decision that is right for you. I just want to say, in my experience, it does get easier! It might take time but for me it was so worth hanging in there. Quite apart from the benefits we all know about, BF really is the easy and convenient option once you get into the swing of things: no sterilising, washing, carrying bottles etc. Good luck and many congratulations on your newborn OP.

#12 ekbaby

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:33 PM

A couple of ideas:

- is there anything that would make you feel more comfortable breastfeeding in public?
How about planning the first few trips to places with a parents room (like a big shopping centre) so that you have a more private place to feed in ?
Or could you go to places like a mothers group/playgroup, Australian Breastfeeding Association meeting, where there are likely to be other mothers there breastfeeding their children? Not only might this feel like a less scary place to feed in, it might be good to see other women breastfeeding out and about, to see how they manage it, and how much (or little) you actually can see, also I think the more you see other people doing it the less of a big deal it seems.

How about looking at some of the different types of breastfeeding tops around? Or using a breastfeeding cover or shawl?

I know it can be hard in the early days when your baby is still learning to attach and your boobs might be swollen, leaking milk etc- but those days usually pass quickly- and whilst it might seem impossible to imagine feeding "discretely" at this point in time, once baby is 2 months old it's likely to be something you don't even have to think about (the attachment side of things). I remember struggling getting comfy with the pillows, trying to attach baby, milk spurting etc thinking how on earth do people do this out and about, but within a few months I could feed my baby walking around in a carrier or sling, attach him mid-conversation etc.

I think having a newborn is a tiring and demanding time whatever the method of feeding. So changing the feeding method at this point in time won't necessarily change that.

How does your DH feel about how your baby is fed? If he is supportive of breastfeeding you could suggest to him that it would be great if he could support you by bringing you a drink and snacks when feeding, or taking care of some of the household tasks like dishes etc when you are stuck on the couch feeding. You shouldn't be having to run around after him or doing housework at this stage, when your baby is only 1 week old and you are recovering from birth (whatever your feeding method)

Things change *a lot* in the first 6 weeks, especially if you are having a "textbook" breastfeeding experience. It feels really intense right now but the feeds will gradually space out and become in more of a rythym. It is probably too early for this, as your baby is feeding frequently due to her small tummy and to establish a good milk supply, but within a month you will probably find things much more predictable. You could get one of those breastfeeding wrist bands or apps where you record when baby last fed and what side, and you will probably start to see a more predictable pattern.

Also it doesn't have to be all or nothing, it is possible to use formula and breastfeed, if you decide you need that option- however if you can wait till 6 weeks till breastfeeding is well established before introducing formula it might be a safer bet in terms of not setting up supply issues.

#13 mandala

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:42 PM

I agree with PP. BFing is much, much more convenient in the long run, and it does get easier. There are lots of good tips and I encourage you to try some of them before making any final decisions/

It's also not all or nothing, most of the time. Many babies can go between breast and bottle, although there are always those who do have problems.

And my experience of bottle vs breast feeding - all those 'extra' moments with bottle feeding seemed to end up being dedicated to washing/sterilising!

#14 daturah

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:45 PM

As PPs have said, it definitely gets easier and in the long run is SO much more convenient!! It really comes in handy for settling and soothing baby down the track too - think after immunisations, when bub hurts herself, when she won't sleep no matter what.

I freaking hated it for the first six weeks.  It is such a strain on the body - my back and my wrists really suffered.  It is awkward in public for awhile, but gets easier (or as PPs have said, just plan your day out after things settle down a bit - honestly, things change rapidly, give you and your baby time, 1 week old is NOTHING).  It made me feel resentful that my baby relied totally on me for everything - feeding, comfort, night waking a, everything.

But this time passes by really really quickly, and every week it gets better and easier.  Formula is a huge gigantic PITA, particularly in the middle of the night, several times a night.  Breast feeding is the greatest convenience.

Everything about becoming a mum is a huge big shift, physically, mentally and emotionally.  It is a marathon, that's for sure.  Do what works for you, but truthfully, breast feeding is just one of the first uncomfortable inconveniences out of a whole world of not-so-fun things about having a baby.  Its like starting an entirely new job - there is definitely an adjustment period where patience and perseverence is required, even when the reward doesnt feel so great.  But I can honestly say the pain of hanging in there was worth it in the long run for me.

Edited by daturah, 10 May 2013 - 07:23 PM.


#15 Pooks Combusted

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:51 PM

OP, leaving the house with a newborn is hard no matter how you feed them, IME, I did both! And pumped!

I actually find formula preparation and feeding to be a giant PITA when out and about (especially when he was having 8 a day) and it comes with its own host of complexities.

I'm not trying to sway you one way or the other, I just want you to know that it's hard, I get it, and it's a big adjustment/learning period that we all go through. I'd hate for you to make a decision thinking you'd get a result that you don't get, or regretting it.

I always went places with a private feeding room (especially with pump and shield...) or sat in the car.

Your body is still going through a lot so soon after birth, don't expect too much of yourself or your baby right now. There are no routines, no magic answers. It's just trial and error, you building your confidence and finding what works for you and your baby.

#16 ubermum

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:53 PM

Why do you want to be convinced?

#17 Nofliesonme

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:55 PM

Hang in there OP it gets easier.this is my longest breast fed baby.... Almost 6 months. First 3 didn't work past 3 months. I'm glad I stuck with it.keep going your doing an amazing job original.gif

Eta you need to do what's best for you and bub. If that means formula then so be it. I personally looking back found formula harder. Breast feeding is easier than formula.

Edited by thunda, 10 May 2013 - 06:56 PM.


#18 Jeyamoo

Posted 10 May 2013 - 06:59 PM

Breast feeding for the first 6wks at least is hard work, I am sure that in this period it would probably be simpler and easier to formula feed. But once everything settles down it is SO much easier!! No bottles, no washing, no fear of running out etc. Breastmilk is a ready mixed, sterile fully portable feeding solution ready to be served at the perfect temperature in an instant 24/7, plus it's free!

Eta: forgot to say, I have always used a feeding cover in public, there are some gorgeous one on the market. Not just for privacy but so I didn't need to dress for breastfeeding, I just wear whatever I want and if I have to get half naked to feed under the cover no one need be any the wiser!

Edited by Jeyamoo, 10 May 2013 - 07:01 PM.


#19 MuddyPuddles

Posted 10 May 2013 - 07:52 PM

QUOTE (Koobie83 @ 10/05/2013, 05:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know that the routine things are not popular and demand feeding should be preferred, but on the two occasions I've tried taking the baby out of the house for things (doctor visits) she's needed a feed while out and I've struggled settling her and feeding her in public. I'm a fairly modest person (and a bit of a prude) and while I fully support women bfing in public, I don't think I can really do that.

Then there is the constant demands on me. I'm pretty tired and I feel like I need to sneak in those precious few minutes to eat, shower and do things for myself, DH and the house while she is sleeping. The rest of the time I'm feeding her trying to find a comfy position before my back starts killing me.

What do you suggest I do? I know I need to get into some sort of rhythm or routine so I can plan and do things (and get out of the house) but how? Unless I do I will probably give up already which is sad because it's been going so well so far and it's the best thing for her. I sort of feel a bit cheated from being able to labour naturally, so being able to breastfeed so easily has been such a blessing.

Feel free to take or leave any of what I'm about to say but my tips would be:

- If you dont like demand feeding, it's not compulsary! I'm a control freak so couldnt stand "going with the flow" so went more by the clock and it helped me cope. Of course if your baby is hungry feed her, but there's nothing wrong with offering when it's "time" and *gently* encouraging a stretching out of time.

- Get some breastfeeding tops. Kmart has some super cheap ones, Target has some slightly more expensive and nicer ones. They dont take long to get the hang of and most of the time people cant even tell that you are feeding. And you'll get very quick and efficient at latching her on. Also I found parent rooms in shopping centres quite nice and relaxing (obviously depends on the centre).

- If I was going out somewhere (doctors, long drive) where I knew I wouldnt want to feed, I would feed just before I left the house even if she wasnt due for a feed. It would usually be enough till we got home again.

- I completely understand the need for time to yourself. This is a tricky one. It definitely gets easier as the baby gets older with faster less frequent feeds. I dont tend to agree with the advice to express and get your DH to feed because expressing can be a huge PITA and more time/effort than just getting up and feeding yourself. It works for some ppl though.

I would try to keep in mind that in the medium to long term bfing is by far easier than ff. You dont have to organise/pack bottles to take away, you're not wasting time washing/cleaning bottles and you dont have to go buy formula and worry about running out.

If you do want to stop bfing for the reasons you've given above, can I suggest comp feeding? There is no rule saying you cant do both. I know a few people who bf all day but do formula overnight so DH does those feeds. ANY breast milk is doing good for your baby, it doesnt have to be all or nothing.

Good luck with whatever you decide

#20 TinMan

Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:11 PM

Brand new baby time can be really intense- especially if you find their dependence on you overwhelming.

I know I did.

The children in my sig were all BF just passed their 1st b'day...and even with the fourth I considered FF...and that was with a routine no major drama run at BF.

I never fed any of them in public either- but 100% support other Mums who mange this it just wasn't for me.

I would do the same as the PP and if I was going out just top them up before we left and be home for the next feed.

I found things settled down by about the 4wk mark.

Good luck with whatever you choose- enjoy your newborn snuggles.



#21 LoveMySnuggles

Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:19 PM

You've already been given lots of wonderful advice, but I think if you really want to swap to formula its your choice not EB. To help me in the new days when I was learning to feed I would express or take a bottle of formula to give bub so I wouldn't have to feed in public, once I got comfortable feeding I attempted it but still to this day (7.5 months) if I know I cant hide in a corner I take a bottle but I'm fine with that. You need to just work out what you feel comfortable with & dont worry what anyone else thinks, good luck

#22 Libster

Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:34 PM

I'm having the same thoughts as you, my baby is only slightly older than yours. My main concern is when hubby goes back to work as I've got older twins to look after too. Breastfeeding is taking up a lot of my time as my supply is not great and I'm not sure I want to keep pumping a couple of times a day on top of everything.

Only thing I can suggest is taking it one day at a time and set a little goal for yourself, say a month and then see how things are after that? My mum will be staying with us to help out for a couple of weeks so I'm going to keep BF'ing while she's here and reassess towards the end of her stay.


#23 spottyladybug

Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:44 PM

Hello :-)

My first bub is almost  3 weeks old and 1.5 weeks ago we started giving him one formula feed at night that DH does. We had to feed at least every 3 hrs to clear jaundice and that one formula feed gave me a slightly longer stretch of sleep and it has helped DS and my feeding because I am not as exhausted. Would this be an option?

Would a cover help in public to help your little one? It helps my little one a lot, but at 1 week old you are both still learning and without sleep it can be so hard to function and make rational choices. I was still an emotional and hormonal mess 2 weeks ago, and it was only when a nurse at the hospital pretty much sent me home to sleep leaving DH to feed DS did I realise how nonfunctioning I was. One full night sleep made the world of difference. Even if you give yourself a break with formula and still breastfeed it might help you make a decision you are happy with. Because you need to do the right thing for your overall wellbeing as well as your little one.

Good luck reaching a decision and I hope you can catch a decent stretch of sleep to help in the decision making process!

#24 *mylittleprince*

Posted 10 May 2013 - 08:54 PM

I'm going to go against the grain and give you some tough love.

Seriously... suck it up. Early days and you are considering giving it up because you don't like to feed in public and want some time to yourself. Motherhood is demanding. They only feed often for the first few months and then it stretches out. Get a breastfeeding cover and/or wear a b/f singlet under a normal top and/or feed in the car, at home, whatever.

I'm exclusively feeding twins on demand plus have an older child and no help as my family live overseas.

If you were having major issues I would say consider introducing formula but there is no reason to in your case.

If latching is a problem you can stay home for a few days/weeks (or only go to places you feel comfortable) while you master the art of b/f.

Good luck

#25 LoveMySnuggles

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:06 PM

QUOTE (*mylittleprince* @ 10/05/2013, 08:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm going to go against the grain and give you some tough love.

Seriously... suck it up. Early days and you are considering giving it up because you don't like to feed in public and want some time to yourself. Motherhood is demanding. They only feed often for the first few months and then it stretches out. Get a breastfeeding cover and/or wear a b/f singlet under a normal top and/or feed in the car, at home, whatever.

I'm exclusively feeding twins on demand plus have an older child and no help as my family live overseas.

If you were having major issues I would say consider introducing formula but there is no reason to in your case.

If latching is a problem you can stay home for a few days/weeks (or only go to places you feel comfortable) while you master the art of b/f.

Good luck


Thats not tough love its harsh! No one should every feel forced to breast feed! No matter what OPs reasons are if she ever wants to use formula that is her choice not yours! Be it an occassional feed when out, mixed feeding or full time formula the OP should never be told to just suck it up




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.