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Thoughts creeping up to quit Bfing.. already


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#26 A+L+M

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:09 PM

First of all, bbighug.gif
I remember feeling like this in the first couple of weeks. I know PPs have already mentioned this, but it does get easier. My DS is now 10 months, I'm back at work 4 days a week and am still breast feeding original.gif
When my DS was born, he picked it up easily and fed well, but it's still hard work!Can your partner help out with some feeds if you express? On DH's days off work, I would express a bottle and he would do the midnight or early morning feed. After a 6 or 7 hour straight sleep, I felt AMAZING!
It did take me a while to gain confidence feeding in public, but until I felt comfortable, I would feed in the car or find a parents room if out shopping.
Best of luck, OP. It is exhausting! But after about 6 weeks, everything just seemed to fall into place

#27 Let-it-go

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:14 PM

I think it is a bit early to be making big decisions.  

I really didnt feed in public for the first three or four weeks.  Just take your time.  There is no pressure to be this amazing mother who can whack out her boob at every moment to feed easily.  It is hard and it takes practice.  

Take a deep breath and slow down.  You have a one week old baby.  Stay at home, get some sleep and some rest, be easy on your body and baby.  I am sure they would prefer to be home in calm, familiar surrounds.

#28 Love_Evie

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:22 PM

How old is your baby?
Give yourself 6-8 weeks. Breast feeding is so much easier!!
Takes a while to get comfortable breast feeding but it is absolutely the best nutrition and easiest thing for you and your baby. Breast feeding also lowers th risk of breast and ovarian cancers for mother and baby. It's free, convenient and always sterile. Breast milk also contains amazing antibodies that protect bub against any illness you may catch.
I wasn't comfortable breast feeding in public until about 3 months but once you are comfortable you will wonder why you ever worried.
Formula feeding won't make it much easier for you then you also have to worry about how baby will digest it as lots of babies have problems. It is also a pain in the ass to sterilise and prepare bottles as well as the expense involved.
Have a chat to yout MCHN and Ring the ABA and have a chat to them about it.

How old is your baby?
Give yourself 6-8 weeks. Breast feeding is so much easier!!
Takes a while to get comfortable breast feeding but it is absolutely the best nutrition and easiest thing for you and your baby. Breast feeding also lowers th risk of breast and ovarian cancers for mother and baby. It's free, convenient and always sterile. Breast milk also contains amazing antibodies that protect bub against any illness you may catch.
I wasn't comfortable breast feeding in public until about 3 months but once you are comfortable you will wonder why you ever worried.
Formula feeding won't make it much easier for you then you also have to worry about how baby will digest it as lots of babies have problems. It is also a pain in the ass to sterilise and prepare bottles as well as the expense involved.
Have a chat to yout MCHN and Ring the ABA and have a chat to them about it.

#29 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:32 PM

Lots of good advice here.  

I just wanted to say there is no reason to struggle with back pain.  Get an LC or MCHN or someone from the ABA (or just an experienced breast feeding mum) to have a look at your setup and position.   You may need to have your feet higher, a BF pillow, a pillow behind your back, or you might do better with some feeds lying down.  Or you might be tensing your shoulders and arms.  

Honestly it's just a few more weeks before it settles down to a knack and you can introduce a 3 hourly day routine (or you fall into one).  

I could never get the hang of a cover but a trick I used was to sit down in a corner and pull the pram in front of you with the top up and a muslin over the front, that blocks almost everything.  

In relation to the time to yourself thing, bub won't starve if she has just had a feed, even if she's not so happy.  Get your DH to load her into the carrier and take her for a walk.  



#30 stella1980

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:37 PM

I find topsecretmaternity breastfeeding tanks/singlets to be a lifesaver. It has a build in support (bra) and a top flap which covers your boob so when the baby is feeding the top part of your boob is not exposed and your tummy is also covered. It is the best thing ever! It is my breastfeeding uniform, I sleep with it too. They are costly but worth every cent.

#31 Pooks Combusted

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:38 PM

QUOTE (*mylittleprince* @ 10/05/2013, 08:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm going to go against the grain and give you some tough love.

Seriously... suck it up. Early days and you are considering giving it up because you don't like to feed in public and want some time to yourself. Motherhood is demanding. They only feed often for the first few months and then it stretches out. Get a breastfeeding cover and/or wear a b/f singlet under a normal top and/or feed in the car, at home, whatever.

I'm exclusively feeding twins on demand plus have an older child and no help as my family live overseas.

If you were having major issues I would say consider introducing formula but there is no reason to in your case.

If latching is a problem you can stay home for a few days/weeks (or only go to places you feel comfortable) while you master the art of b/f.

Good luck


There always has to be one.

Ignore that, OP. You know yourself and your baby best. There has been some good advice here, take what you think might help and ignore the rest.

You'll cop sh*t like the above quote no matter what you do as a mother. Stuff em.

It is a massive adjustment in those first weeks, cut yourself some slack. Get whatever support you can get around you and take it one day at a time. Don't make any rash decisions or feel you "must" do anything without getting as much info as you can first. Some people find motherhood a breeze, others like me find the adjustment extremely hard. You'll always get martyrs like PP quoted, "if I can do it while doing a handstand and reciting Shakespeare so should you!", ignore them (and take a mental note not to be that smug in the future yourself).

Whereever you are on that spectrum, from breezy earth mother to completely losing the plot, it's ok. It's where you are. Don't expect too much of yourself and your baby. This time will fly by so fast. Cuddle your little one. Don't do it alone. Keep reaching out for support even if you don't always get the support you need. Give yourself time to discover yourself as a mother, and who the little person is you are raising.

Congratulations on your baby, OP.

#32 au*lit

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:38 PM

The first weeks are crazy. I read somewhere that it takes women 16 weeks to adjust to being a mother when they have their first baby. It's too early to be making decisions like quitting feeding. Especially when it's actually going well.

I learned to feed lying down to save my back. Best thing I ever did. It also allows you to get extra rest while feeding.

Honestly, breastfeeding is much easier and the lazy mother's way. Do you really want to faff around with bottles when your baby is screaming for a feed? You'd be making extra work for yourself.

As far as feeding in public goes, go to your mothers' group and practise there. It's a safe space and other new mums will be doing it too.

I never bought a breastfeeding cover or wrap, but I used pashmina type scarves to discreetly cover up. I was wearing them anyway (May baby, cold weather) and was able to place it over the boob before I undid my top, then lifted it and got the baby into position, then arranged it around him.

Once the baby is a bit older and in more of a routine, you can probably organise your outings so that you rarely have to feed outside the house.

#33 ~katiez~

Posted 10 May 2013 - 09:43 PM

Yes it is intense - but it does get easier and it is worth it. Short and sweet original.gif

And I think no matter how much you want or love your baby or how you feed them it takes many months to adjust to the amount of dependence they have on you and the impact they have on your life.

Congratulations on your new squishy one wub.gif

#34 MuddyPuddles

Posted 10 May 2013 - 10:04 PM

QUOTE (*mylittleprince* @ 10/05/2013, 07:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm exclusively feeding twins on demand plus have an older child and no help as my family live overseas.

There's always one. Motherhood is not a competition.

#35 ubermum

Posted 10 May 2013 - 10:08 PM

QUOTE (JBaby @ 10/05/2013, 10:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
There's always one. Motherhood is not a competition.

You haven't been around here long obviously.

#36 Groucho

Posted 10 May 2013 - 10:11 PM

More encouragement to persist from this corner. I'd suggest giving yourself some time to really adjust to the change - the first few months of morherhood can be such a shock and the demands are relentless whether you're breast feeding or formula feeding.

One thing I will say from (my limited!) experience, babies tend to fall into their own routine by six months. In the first six weeks at least, it is best to just go with the flow. Forcing routine too early can lead to a world of angst! (And, I say this from someone who tends to be a 'routine' person).

Further to that, BF is just easier. No sterilizing, and a pretty efficient tool for settling baby at night, without fussing and tears. I switched to FF when my DD was six months and in retrospect it created a lot of additional hassle.

Best of luck!

#37 Lokum

Posted 10 May 2013 - 10:31 PM

I was shocked by how physically demanding it is caring for a newborn. Sore shoulders, back, wrists, boobs - everything seemed to ache and the Exhaustion!!!

It gets easier surprisingly fast. There are days which drag and seem to last forever, but at the same time, the weeks just fly by!

If you're torn, and want to be a BFer in theory, but are finding the reality exhausting, set yourself a target - 3 more days BFing, and then re-evaluate. 1 week more, then re-evaluate. Get to 3 months, re-evaluate.

If you can make it to 4 weeks, you're halfway home. By 12 weeks, you'll (probably) be loving it. I would definitely try to introduce a bottle of EBM around the 3-4 week mark (my current baby won't take one, as I left it too late.) And get your DH to offer one, every few days at least - use this time to have a bath, with earplugs in or music playing so he can't easily give up, or rope you into helping him.

Lots of luck.

#38 Natttmumm

Posted 11 May 2013 - 08:57 AM

There's some great advice on here but thought I'd add my 2 cents worth.
I formula fed Ds for 3 weeks until I got BF established and I can tell you there was no change is routine or sleeping changing over. He is my third and his pattern at 12 weeks is similar to DD1 except for slightly shorter day sleeps (now sleeps all night) My first was formula fed and by far the hardest to get into a routine.
I have f ed in public and usually take myself away to a quieter corner or feeding room (I'm also a prude). If I'm at a friends house I can go to a bedroom etc. feeds get much quicker around 8 weeks and mine now take about 10mins.
I find both FF and Bf have their upside and down side. Babies don't get into a routine until 3 to 4 months (not weeks) and that will be the case no matter which feeding option you choose. No judgement from me as I have chosen both options with my kids based on how I felt at the time. Good luck

#39 BetteBoop

Posted 11 May 2013 - 09:17 AM

Your boobs, your decision.

But I will urge caution in making the decision. By 6 weeks of age many babies become efficient eating machines. And you body learns to respond to your baby's needs.

When DD was 6 weeks old, a feed would take under 5 minutes. I had a fierce let down. If she drank from a bottle, it would take 10-15 minutes of someone sitting there holding the bottle.

There are also lots of benefits in being able to roll out of bed with food ready. Making a bottle at 2am is not a quick process. You fully wake up to do it.

I started formula feeding and switched to breast when DD was almost 2 weeks old. I found BFing much easier.

Personally, I would give it a few more weeks before making a decision. You could look back and regret it later if you feel you made a decision too quickly.

But that's just my opinion.

#40 butterflyme

Posted 11 May 2013 - 09:26 AM

It's hard OP - I've recently been there.
I now BF & FF top up due to low supply & bubs losing weight.

It has taken me a few weeks to get over the 'guilt' of not exclusively BF, but for us it just wasn't going to work.   It's only been late this week I've been able to accept the way that works for us, but it's the opinions and comments of friends and strangers that really bother me & make me feel bad all over again/

Give it a little more time & good luck with whatever you do you know your baby & what is going to work for both of you

#41 RichardParker

Posted 11 May 2013 - 09:45 AM

QUOTE (stella1980 @ 10/05/2013, 09:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find topsecretmaternity breastfeeding tanks/singlets to be a lifesaver. It has a build in support (bra) and a top flap which covers your boob so when the baby is feeding the top part of your boob is not exposed and your tummy is also covered. It is the best thing ever! It is my breastfeeding uniform, I sleep with it too. They are costly but worth every cent.

Bonds also have these, which are a bit cheaper.  Although you might want the better quality ones if you've got a larger cup size and need more support.  I often wear these underneath a knit top, so for feeding, I just unclip the flap of the singlet and lift up the top.  Only a tiny bit of boob ends of showing, and baby's head covers that.  You would barely notice I'm feeding unless you looked closely.

I hear you in the back pain, but even that gets better once your muscles strengthen.  I'd recommend getting a massage and doing strengthening exercises like mini push-ups to to reduce the strain.

The fact is, you have a two week old baby, and they are annoying, exhausting and demanding however they end up getting fed.  You don't have to continue breast feeding if you don't want to. But, personally, once you get the hang of feeding in public, BFing is incredibly convenient and is a fantastic way of keeping baby calm and settled.   It's up to you, but I'd recommend persevering if you really want to BF, because it truly does get easier.

#42 livvie7586

Posted 11 May 2013 - 09:48 AM

OP, don't think bottles are any easier then breastfeeding.  the only good thing is that you can pass baby on to someone else to feed.

as PP have said, though, it gets easier.  those first few weeks are hard, you are getting used to your baby, she's getting used to you, and with your first you're getting used to the huge change that has just occurred.  But if feeding was going well i wouldn't consider stopping completely just yet.  would you consider the odd bottle of formula?  i know others have said expressing, but expressing is f'ing hard (DS2 has had massive feeding issues, and is being fed EBM, and i feel my life is ruled by timings, what time i last expressed, what time i need to be home by in order to express again etc, etc.  plus you constantly stress about how much milk you got each time), and for one bottle here and there i probably wouldn't bother.

#43 Koobie83

Posted 11 May 2013 - 10:03 AM

Thank you all for your advice, even the tough love! I probably need that just as much.

I think I'm expecting too much too soon. She's only a tiny thing. I think I'm just scared of her losing her sh*t again like she did at the doctors and having random nurses (receptionst ex midwife) coming over to me taking her off me trying to settle her as I was just about to feed her.

You are all right - I do need a cover and I do need to suck it up because this is motherhood. It's just hard on the days you've had no sleep.


And yeah - got to stick to my goal - exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months until solids are introduced. That's my plan.

Thanks everyone...

#44 Jenflea

Posted 11 May 2013 - 12:48 PM

trust me, she will lose her sh*t again, many many times over the next 18 years. That part DOESN'T change!
You need to get a bit of a thick skin and learn to cope with it.
I had mine do a massive screaming jag at a hospital when I was doing my 6wk GD check up, it was horrible and I was so stressed out so I know how that feels. Pretty sure every mother does!


You'll also have to put up with family sticking their noses into how you parent, as well as strangers on the street...older people who want a cuddle or to touch the tiny baby. The list goes on. You develop coping strategies and a good glare original.gif

#45 Maggueful

Posted 11 May 2013 - 01:29 PM

I look at it as it isn't the end of the world if you aren't breastfeeding. I just BF for as long as I was able to put up with it and then just changed to formula. Both of my boys have been happy and healthy.

I found BFing to be difficult because I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without having to worry about feeding the baby. I hated having to get up during the night to feed the baby and I was very uncomfortable physically. BFing just wasn't for me. I lasted 6 weeks with DS1 because he had reflux and kept using me as a comforter so I had very little sleep until I changed to thickened formula. DS2 lasted just over three months. He was a good feeder and didn't hurt me as much as DS1 but after I changed over to formula he seemed a lot happier, slept better and didn't have as many digestive problems.

Go with what is best for you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. I took my DS1 to see a pediatrician when he was a baby due to his reflux and I was told that a baby gets everything they need from formula and not to stress myself.

You don't have to tell anyone how you feed your baby. I was constantly nagged by everyone that BFing was the best option etc. But it wasn't the best option for me. You know what is best for you.

#46 Jenflea

Posted 11 May 2013 - 02:08 PM

i don't want this to turn into a breast versus formula bunfight, but the baby DOESN'T get everything they need from formula.
Breast milk provides immunity for the baby, formula doesn't.
Breast milk has hormones to help the baby sleep better at night, formula doesn't.

Nutritionally it might be similar, but it's not equal to breast milk. it's also a highly processed milk from another animal.not related to humans at all closely.

Ooh I wonder if humans could drink monkey or ape milk?? is that a bit too weird? Doubt you could get a chimp to be milked...

#47 B0612

Posted 11 May 2013 - 02:26 PM

It is so tough in those first few weeks but if attachment is going well and baby is relatively content then you are doing a great job. I was not so lucky, I made it to 4 months with having to comp feed. I had attachment issues, ongoing thrush, very low supply, reflux baby, colicky baby...you name it. Tried everything I could to get a better supply with the use of supplements and motillium but in the end having such a large baby that needed a lot of milk my body did not do what is was supposed to do and for the last month since DS has been ff I grieve for the loss of bf.

Just let everything go, the housework/meals etc and try and get family and your partner to help as much as possible and see how you go over the next 6-12 weeks or so. It is hard but trust me ff isn't as easy as it looks, as others have said you have to wash bottles, prepare them, make sure you have them when you go out and a ff baby isn't necessarily a happier/content baby who sleeps long stretches.

Good luck op and know you are doing a geat job but just give it more time and give bf a chance  bbighug.gif

#48 knottygirl

Posted 11 May 2013 - 03:12 PM

to me, all the people saying they forumla fed and their kids turned out fine are lucky.  Its been proven that there are numerous babys die each year who wouldnt have died had they been breastfed.

I think its like saying, 'well i drove to the shops with no seatbelt on and i got there ok' yes, you may have but thats not to say that if there was an accident you would have been worse off than if you had a seat belt on.

I wouldnt switch to formula for a week old, just stick with it.

I get that alot of people stop breastfeeding for valid reasons.  But ive also heard lots of invalid reasons.  Like a woman i know who tried every type of bottle on the market, every day, trying to force her son onto a bottle when he didnt want it.  Finally, he took one.  she had no problems with attaching or supply or anything.   Within a couple weeks he was on formula only, and she could go back to having a couple of drinks each night and going out and stuff.  

I also know people who stopped feeding at 6 months cause they wanted to get pregnant again.  To me thats not a valid reason to stop a child breastfeeding.  

I personally would not gamble my childs health for the sake of abit of discomfort on my part.  Both my kids self weaned, oldest at 15 months and youngest just after he turned 2.  Both my had breastmilk and full cream cows milk from 12 months, now they both just have cows milk. Never bought a tin of formula.

Not to mention the huge expense of formula.  Add up how much 1 or 2 years of formula would be.  



#49 Duck-o-lah

Posted 11 May 2013 - 03:49 PM

QUOTE
to me, all the people saying they forumla fed and their kids turned out fine are lucky. Its been proven that there are numerous babys die each year who wouldnt have died had they been breastfed.
Holy Jesus I have no words. Proven by who and how exactly?

OP, big hug to you original.gif I'm offering advice as someone who has tried BFing and failed, pumped and FFed.

Sounds like three main issues for you...

1. Concerns about BFing in public...
Great advice from PP's regarding covers etc. Personally I find a scarf is great, helps me cover up a bit and whilst I'm not feeding helps me conceal my massive cleavage laughing2.gif

As you get better at BFing it will get easier to BF discreetly.

Babies will have meltdowns, and will continue to do so well into the toddler years and there will always, always be people to judge, or offer 'helpful' suggestions. Know that most mums (and dads) have been there, done that and will quietly sympathise with you.

2.
QUOTE
Then there is the constant demands on me. I'm pretty tired and I feel like I need to sneak in those precious few minutes to eat, shower and do things for myself, DH and the house while she is sleeping.
As a PP said, those precious moments will probably be dedicated to cleaning bottles/pumping equipment etc. I've taken the liberty of crossing out looking after your house and your DH, I know it's tempting, but you have a one week old baby, let those things take care of themselves original.gif

BFing isn't all about feeding, your baby wants to be held by you. I thought when I switched to formula with DS (4 weeks) that it would be a miracle cure, unfortunately it wasn't the answer I thought it would be. Sure, feeding was quicker and I could be certain that he had had a decent feed, but he still cried when I put him down or tried to settle him, he just wanted to be held. I didn't get any more time to myself. That said, if you have your DH around then that does give him the opportunity to handle that for you.

3. Back problems....
I don't have much advice here, but I second advice regarding pillows and feeding lying down.

Have you an opportunity to see a lactation consultant? If you're still with a hospital MW program, do ask them about it, otherwise if you have a local maternal & child health centre, enquire with them. LC's aren't just for people with major issues, they are there to help every woman BF successfully. I've seen the hospital LC on several occasions and it was so reassuring even just for a chat about how overwhelmed you are.

I know your goal is 6 months, but how about setting up some intermediate goals? My long term goal is 6 months, but I made my short-term goal to get to 6 weeks. In those difficult first weeks it's easier to look ahead to a few weeks rather than thinking in terms of months.

I'm nearly at the 6 week mark and I'm startled by how convenient it is becoming. Feeds are becoming shorter and less frequent, and not having to worry about packing enough formula makes getting out of the house much easier.

Do what you have to, but remember formula probably isn't the magic answer that you may be hoping it is. Wish you the best of luck, whichever path you choose original.gif

#50 Pooks Combusted

Posted 11 May 2013 - 03:59 PM

QUOTE (knottygirl @ 11/05/2013, 03:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
to me, all the people saying they forumla fed and their kids turned out fine are lucky.  Its been proven that there are numerous babys die each year who wouldnt have died had they been breastfed.

I think its like saying, 'well i drove to the shops with no seatbelt on and i got there ok' yes, you may have but thats not to say that if there was an accident you would have been worse off than if you had a seat belt on.

I wouldnt switch to formula for a week old, just stick with it.

I get that alot of people stop breastfeeding for valid reasons.  But ive also heard lots of invalid reasons.  Like a woman i know who tried every type of bottle on the market, every day, trying to force her son onto a bottle when he didnt want it.  Finally, he took one.  she had no problems with attaching or supply or anything.   Within a couple weeks he was on formula only, and she could go back to having a couple of drinks each night and going out and stuff.  

I also know people who stopped feeding at 6 months cause they wanted to get pregnant again.  To me thats not a valid reason to stop a child breastfeeding.  

I personally would not gamble my childs health for the sake of abit of discomfort on my part.  Both my kids self weaned, oldest at 15 months and youngest just after he turned 2.  Both my had breastmilk and full cream cows milk from 12 months, now they both just have cows milk. Never bought a tin of formula.

Not to mention the huge expense of formula.  Add up how much 1 or 2 years of formula would be.


Do you have contact details? I think we should set up a system so we could submit our requests to formula feed to you for approval as "valid", or as "invalid". Then you can decide whether it's ok for us to let our babies die. Kthnx.




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