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#1 curious1990

Posted 13 May 2013 - 10:55 AM

I know starting a new topic could be taking up too much space but people rarely post in all the forums in this section so hence the new topic.

Quick description of my situation, my ex girlfriend is pregnant, we broke up in march and didn't speak until april 26 and she told me that she is 8 weeks pregnant. It was a pretty bad break we ended up having a stern dislike for one another.

We only speak when it is about the baby, she doesn't really contact me, it's always me asking how it is going..

Just wondering if any of you guys have been through this or are going through this.

I am more than happy to answer any questions, fill in more info if needed.

Before you ask, yes I am sure It's mine.

Thank you all in advance.

#2 opethmum

Posted 13 May 2013 - 11:23 AM

Firstly I would ascertain whether she is going to continue with the pregnancy, if she is not then I would no longer contact her and leave her alone, if you need help to deal with anything then I suggest to visit a counsellor to help you out with anything you may be feeling as a result.

If she is going to continue the pregnancy then
I would make an appointment with a counsellor and encourage her to attend as well. Perhaps under therapeutic guidance you could learn to communicate again and set up boundaries that you both are happy with concerning the baby and how you both relate in future in regards to your child together in the future.
You don't have to get bck together and play happy families but you do need to develop a level of communication that puts your child first and so you can have a foundation of friendship so your child does not suffer two parents eternally engaged with a tit for tat battle over everything concerning her/his life. Also it would be a good time for you to consult a family law specialist to ascertain your legal rights and also to maybe draw up a plan for custodial matters that you and she are happy with.
As for extended families you really need to listen to your heart and please don't let yourself be railroaded either by hers in the same step. Your child needs two functional parents communicating cohesively not a large extended family at war. You both need to step up and make sure that this child feels loved from their first breath and strive to achieve peace where possible.
Good luck in the months ahead and I do hope you and her can come to the table with peace in mind not war. This child needs two loving parents not two parents at war. In the same step she needs to step up as well and not use and manipulate you either.


#3 Feral Becky

Posted 13 May 2013 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (curious1990 @ 13/05/2013, 10:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I know starting a new topic could be taking up too much space but people rarely post in all the forums in this section so hence the new topic.

Quick description of my situation, my ex girlfriend is pregnant, we broke up in march and didn't speak until april 26 and she told me that she is 8 weeks pregnant. It was a pretty bad break we ended up having a stern dislike for one another.

We only speak when it is about the baby, she doesn't really contact me, it's always me asking how it is going..

Just wondering if any of you guys have been through this or are going through this.

I am more than happy to answer any questions, fill in more info if needed.

Before you ask, yes I am sure It's mine.


Thank you all in advance.



You seem to mention this a lot.

I would still get a DNA test.

I would do everything opethmum suggests but I would back off a bit if I were you. Give her some space to come to terms with it. Let her contact you next.

She may also be planning not to continue the pregnancy and your calls could be distressing, asking about the 'baby' etc.

That is the advice I would give if you were my son and my son is not much younger than you. Good luck anyway, you sound a genuine guy.

Edited by Becky Thatcher, 13 May 2013 - 11:38 AM.


#4 curious1990

Posted 13 May 2013 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (Becky Thatcher @ 13/05/2013, 11:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You seem to mention this a lot.

I would still get a DNA test.

I would do everything opethmum suggests but I would back off a bit if I were you. Give her some space to come to terms with it. Let her contact you next.

She may also be planning not to continue the pregnancy and your calls could be distressing, asking about the 'baby' etc.

That is the advice I would give if you were my son and my son is not much younger than you. Good luck anyway, you sound a genuine guy.



Both great advice, she is very much so planning on going through with it, we spoke on the phone last week and she said she wouldn't shut me out of the babies life.

I just want to do more, be involved more, I am that type of person that always is wanting to do more. Perhaps I might just wait until she contacts me. As hard as it is.

#5 Orangedrops

Posted 13 May 2013 - 02:43 PM

You don't actually have any right to be involved at all until the baby is born. You should definitely keep the lines of communication open and talk about what sort of involvement you will want to have in your child's life once it is born. In the beginning when the baby is small that will probably mean visiting at the mother's home when she is present, especially if she is breastfeeding it will not be possible to take the baby away from her for any length of time. You should think about setting yourself up with a safe car seat and somewhere safe for the baby to sleep at your home.

#6 EffiesMum172

Posted 13 May 2013 - 05:33 PM

.

Edited by EffiesMum172, 13 May 2013 - 05:37 PM.





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