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Family doesn't support birth plan


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#101 Feralmummacat

Posted 03 November 2013 - 05:50 PM

View PostMianta, on 03 November 2013 - 05:22 PM, said:

I think the moral of your story is that the midwife who looked after you did not judge the situation well. It is not really relevant to how safe a MGP available only to normal risk women is(and if you delivered at 34 weeks, you were most definitely high risk).

NO did you read my post. The moral of my story is that I had a immediately family member my Mum with medical knowledge question a decision I was making with my delivery. I dismissed it without thoroughly rresearching (I took the word of the midwifes).

My Mums concerns happened and now live with the guilt of dismissing her concerns and she has the guilt of not pushing me to listen to her.

I think this is relevant to the OP.

OP do your research and then dismiss your sister if you wish, but I would listen to all her concerns first not just tell her to get stuffed as PP have suggested, after all she does care about you and your little one.

#102 lucky 2

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:04 PM

A small country hospital is not the same as the centre the OP has booked into.
Your mum's concerns were accurate pp and in your situation I would probably advise my dd the same as your mum did.
What happened to you wont happen to the OP, it cant as there are strict protocols to disallow it.

#103 Lunafreya

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:27 PM

Ok, I've read though this thread and an I'm unhappy to see that it's turned into a battle ground to debate about the issue itself.

Horror stories about things that could go wrong don't help. I know things can go wrong, this is my first pregnancy and we already had on early MC, were really much in unknown territory. But I'd rather prepare for the things that might occur rather than be scared into it. I really don't want to be stressed or worried too much, rather take things as they come and deal with them.

And we have done our research on this. Our GP supports our decision to go to Ryde fully, even after the MC and the lady I have spoken to there so far (just over the phone) was so nice and supportive. We also realize that while Ryde is our first choice, that things may happen in the pregnancy which means we have to do things differently. We're not going to stick to our guns as a matter of principle. But if things progress normally, then they'll go as we planned.

What I really didn't like from my sister (and some people in this thread I may add) was that she didn't really realize the effect she was having on me. She was playing on my own fears and insecurities and acted as if she was the on,y one who was having them. I have enough to worry about without her reminding me I should be worrying, thank you very much. And by throwing out these scare tactics (as that is what they are) she somehow forgot that it it was my baby and that no matter what she sees of me and what happens in this pregnancy, she's rather down the list in terms of who it directly affects.

And when it really boils down, it's not about her, but she's tried to make it seem that way. As if she's the only person who's looking out for it and I really resent that.


So, moving on...

DH and I talked to my Mum and stepdad today when we saw them. I was able to reassure my mum in saying the birth centre was part of Ryde hospital, and that we were prepared to do was was necessary to make sure of my safety and the baby's.

My stepdad wasn't, but that's not really important anyway.

I told my Mum how I didn't like her tactics, I knew she was concerned but I didn't like her scaremongering. But there may be no convincing younger sister and I may have to live with her just not bothering me.

#104 lucky 2

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:37 PM

All the best to you OP, it sounds like you've made a great choice for your care.
Having a sibling like this is hard, almost harder than if it were my parents who were whipping things up. That's IME.
I swing btn wanting to be inclusive and then having to shut down because of negativity and judgement which always seems to happen, on almost all issues really, not just child related ones.
The weird thing is, in my family I am the one with the most knowledge and experience but I still get an earful.
It's about strength of personality in my situation and nothing has changed over the years, I'm just don't have a strong enough desire to dominate.

#105 yellowtulips74

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:42 PM

OP I think your attitude is reasonable, thoughtful and rational.  That's the only way to deal with family members like this.

Use this whole situation as a 'practice run' - in a few months' time you might need some strategies for dealing with unwanted parenting advice.

Good luck!!

#106 Lunafreya

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:45 PM

We know if we don't start now by standing by what we have decided to do, it'll end up worse later on.

#107 sāta kōrsa

Posted 03 November 2013 - 06:55 PM

.

Edited by sāta kōrsa, 21 June 2014 - 07:55 PM.


#108 Mianta

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:01 PM

View Postmummacat, on 03 November 2013 - 05:50 PM, said:



NO did you read my post. The moral of my story is that I had a immediately family member my Mum with medical knowledge question a decision I was making with my delivery. I dismissed it without thoroughly rresearching (I took the word of the midwifes).

My Mums concerns happened and now live with the guilt of dismissing her concerns and she has the guilt of not pushing me to listen to her.

I think this is relevant to the OP.

OP do your research and then dismiss your sister if you wish, but I would listen to all her concerns first not just tell her to get stuffed as PP have suggested, after all she does care about you and your little one.

Yes I did read your post and I stand by my quoted post to you.

If the op ended up with the same situation as you ie. IOL at 34 weeks for PROM, she wouldn't deliver with the MGP and the midwives would transfer her care to that of a higher level.

Any midwife who takes on a case outside their scope of practice and encourages you to stay in their care is a cowboy or just plain inexperienced, pure and simple.

The Ryde MGP would not be able to deliver a high risk case.

#109 StopTheGoats

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:32 PM

Scarfie - That statistic I 'bandied about' is one that the midwives themselves freely 'bandy about' at your first appointment and at your pre-natal classes to prepare expectant mothers for the reality that they may not birth in the birth centre. You are welcome to call the RPA birth centre yourself to confirm.

View Postcatnapper, on 03 November 2013 - 09:25 AM, said:

Firstly I was referring to all interventions, not just caesareans. However.  May I ask where you get these statistics about caesareans from StopTheGoats?

From the birth centre midwives themselves. Again as they aren't the enemy of the delivery ward teams (despite some gossiping and ideological differences) and they like to keep their patients fully informed, they tend to share the factual pros and the cons of your birth choices openly. The reality is that this is not the USA and RPA is generally a safe, efficient, supportive place to give birth, whichever side of the corridor you choose.

I'm unsure as to why you've taken exception to my posts. I'm a birth centre patient and have never stated to the OP that she shouldn't birth in the birth centre, just that her sister may have concerns based upon her lived experience. I simply don't share the opinion that her sister is being a heinous b**ch by ensuring that her 6 week pregnant, first timer sister goes into her birth with her eyes open. She may also just be a pain in the a*se control freak. The OP is in the best position to judge.

The OP is also the one who knows Ryde the best, as has been demonstrated by the first three pages of this thread when most assumed, based on the information provided, that Ryde was a stand alone birth centre.

#110 jessekah83

Posted 03 November 2013 - 09:24 PM

View Postscarfie, on 03 November 2013 - 05:40 AM, said:

Ryde Midwifery Group Practice is located at Ryde Hospital.  There are doctors, emergency care, surgeons, theatres, and ICU  

Finally someone said this... been reading this post and thinking that some people who are commenting actually know nothing about the hospital. Ryde Midwifery Clinic is part of Ryde Hospital and any woman in the local area going public are automatically placed at Ryde Hospital. They have a maternity ward and a birthing clinic. *IF* you are seen as high risk, they will transfer your care to RNSH before the birth. They rarely do hospital to hospital transfers.

I am 26 weeks pregnant and going through Ryde Midwifery Clinic and cannot talk highly enough of my care. Who the hell made up the lie there is no DOCTOR on site? A doctor over sees all of the midwives patients and the midwives are in continual discussion with the doctors/ OBs.

Ednaboo, yes this thread went on for three pages with the wrong information. You will be transferred in a serious medical emergency, like needing an emergency C-Section. By the time they organise the theatre you will have arrived in an ambulance.

I repeat again, Ryde Midwifery Clinic is NOT a standalone service. It is part of a smaller hospital which is a sister hospital to RNSH.

#111 echolalia

Posted 03 November 2013 - 09:35 PM

View PostStopTheGoats, on 03 November 2013 - 07:32 PM, said:

Scarfie - That statistic I 'bandied about' is one that the midwives themselves freely 'bandy about' at your first appointment and at your pre-natal classes to prepare expectant mothers for the reality that they may not birth in the birth centre. You are welcome to call the RPA birth centre yourself to confirm.



From the birth centre midwives themselves. Again as they aren't the enemy of the delivery ward teams (despite some gossiping and ideological differences) and they like to keep their patients fully informed, they tend to share the factual pros and the cons of your birth choices openly. The reality is that this is not the USA and RPA is generally a safe, efficient, supportive place to give birth, whichever side of the corridor you choose.

I'm unsure as to why you've taken exception to my posts. I'm a birth centre patient and have never stated to the OP that she shouldn't birth in the birth centre, just that her sister may have concerns based upon her lived experience. I simply don't share the opinion that her sister is being a heinous b**ch by ensuring that her 6 week pregnant, first timer sister goes into her birth with her eyes open. She may also just be a pain in the a*se control freak. The OP is in the best position to judge.

The OP is also the one who knows Ryde the best, as has been demonstrated by the first three pages of this thread when most assumed, based on the information provided, that Ryde was a stand alone birth centre.

I haven't taken exception to your posts.  I'm interested to know, when you say

Quote

The rate of Caesarean section births at RPA are only slightly higher in the delivery ward than amongst birth centre patient

Are your referring to the rate of C/S births in those women who transfer out of the birth centre into the hospital prior to giving birth, or the rate of C/S births for planned birth centre births as a whole?  

I ask because the stats for Vic birth centres show that the C/S rate for women who transfer out of birth centre care is close to that of women who plan hospital births, which is unsurprising.
However given that the c/s rate for birth centre births is nil, and the majority of women who plan to use birth centre do not transfer, the overall c/s rate for planned birth centre births is much lower than for planned hospital births.

Edited by catnapper, 03 November 2013 - 09:38 PM.


#112 PrincessPeach

Posted 04 November 2013 - 10:53 AM

Given the distance between the hospitals and today's very risk adverse attitude of medical staff I would think that the midwives at Ryde would be uber cautious and look at transferring you before an emergency ever came up.

OP, I would be simply informing your parents that the midwives are not idiots & they are more than aware of the transfer times, but you feel much more comfortable birthing there & that is what you will do.

#113 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 04 November 2013 - 11:29 AM

OP, I feel for you, I really do! As demonstrated in this thread, when it comes to birth and babies, everybody has a friggen opinion! Wait till the kid comes out!

In your position I really just would refuse to engage anymore. You've decided to go to a birthcentre attached to a hospital, it's not like you're planning on birthing in a cardboard box in your garage! The only opinions that matter are yours, your partners and the health professionals directly responsible for your care. Tell everybody else to bugger the hell off!

As for all the scaremongers on here...what the hell do you think you are doing? What on earth are you trying to achieve? Yes, bad stuff does happen in some births...my twins was a bloody car crash... but that doesn't give me the right to p*ss on somebody elses choice, ESPECIALLY if that choice is a perfectly legitimate one. Pull your collective heads in!

Edited by Livsh, 04 November 2013 - 11:31 AM.


#114 Wildence

Posted 09 November 2013 - 12:02 PM

sorry havent read comments above.

I personally believe that midwifery program can be much better than just seeing an OB.

1. you get to see one midwife for the 9 months, there is no guarantee that your OB will be the one catching your baby.. He might pop in and see how you are going, but normally the midwives are the ones that delivery babies - assuming everything goes well with the delivery and no need for interventions...
2. free of charge vs for Ryde / RNSH area at least 6k out of pocket... + additional charges for epidural / patrician if you will require one. Not to mention 19 week scan, that under public system can be done free of charge yet if you go private, you will have to pay everywhere you go.


My mum was also very pro OB... but at the end of the day its your body, your decision and they should really respect your choice.

good luck!

#115 Wildence

Posted 09 November 2013 - 12:22 PM

Sorry OP if you might not find this useful.... just have to add something else here as ive briefly read through some posts.

as far as i know caseload midwifery program is a little different to the birthing center...

in my case, as soon as i've asked for an epidural i was given one.. safety and comfort of the mother is their number 1 priority.
I was also given morphine to take the edge off for a while...


I was told by my midwife at RNSH, that they also get patients from private hospitals like Mater or RNSP if complications arise...

have you met your midwife yet? i bet you will love her! :)

#116 savannah_8

Posted 09 November 2013 - 12:27 PM

Goodluck Hun we had caseload midwife care in Melbourne and it was fantastic and I couldn't recommend them enough. Stick with your choices and be strong toward your family, it's your life and birth. All the best

#117 Lunafreya

Posted 09 November 2013 - 08:01 PM

We have met our midwife and made a visit to the birth centre and are very satisfied with it.

The ladies there actually know about this thread.

No word from sister but mum is reassured about the place.

#118 Mummy Em

Posted 10 November 2013 - 09:45 PM

No issues with people disagreeing with my birthplans, but my Dad is a bit difficult and often takes person offense at others' decisions. I take the approach of a few OPs and give minimal info until the last minute where possible. If that doesn't work, I tell him clearly that the decision is made and not open for discussion. If THAT doesn't work I try pointing out to him that I have chosen to involve him this time and I can choose to not tell him anything at all next time if he is going to be difficult. Then he sulks for a few weeks.

If your mum is more prepared to be open minded, what about taking her along to an appointment and letting her see the place and ask some questions? Perhaps you can get her support in getting your sister to back off. Divide and conquer.




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