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9 year old DS being bullied...


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#1 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:36 PM

Long story short.

We have history with a child that DS has in his class this year.  They went to pre-school together when the bullying started and it continued in the playground in PREP.  I put in writing they not be placed in the same class and so far so good, until this year.

Monday - DS was physically kicked and punched by this other child.  His friend was shoved over on concrete when he went to get a teacher.

Tuesday - DS's friend was grabbed by the shoulders and around the waist and shaken.

Thursday - said child has again approached DS and verbally started to abuse him, told his friend to F off because he wanted to fight DS.

Friday - swore at DS and called him totally unnecessary names.

These are only the events that I know of.

We're not even into week 3 and I've already had enough.  We had a meeting on Tuesday and the school will not suspend this child because they have done so before and it doesn't work.  They stated the child has issues and they are working with the family, etc etc.  That's all well and good but I know for a fact the child has been like this for at least the last 5 years!!!  They have given DS strategies of how to deal with this in the playground (they use a "Hi-5" option) but seriously, this kid does not care.

I do not want it getting to a stage where DS does not want to go to school because this child is causing problems in the classroom and playground.

I'm not sure where to now.  I have no hesitations going to the Police, but thinking maybe the Education Department is my next stop?

Any advice?

#2 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:42 PM

Sorry, just realised there was a bullying thread.  Can Mod move this please?

#3 HurryUpAlready

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:44 PM

Sorry, I have no advice to give. My kids are little but I am already dreading them going to school because I'd imagine it must be agonising to see your kids being bullied and not being able to do much about it. I'd find it very hard not to step in and get involved, I think.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry that your DS is going through that and I really hope you are able to sort something out for him.

Out of interest, have you had any contact with the parents of the other boy? Can the school meeting include them so you can make it very clear to them, not only the school, that you will not hesitate to take it to the Police and/or Education Dept, should the bullying continue? Surely that'd make them try to do something about getting their kid under control?

Good luck. I feel so bad for your little boy, it must be awful for him (and you).


#4 Mummy_Em

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:52 PM

I think I would request better supervision for this student at break times. Either a teacher is going to have to follow him around or he spends breaks doing an indoor activity where a teacher can watch him (which they probably can't do because that would be socially isolating for him). I understand he may have a miriade of issues that are not his fault, but your child needs to feel safe at school.

The Ed department is the next port of call, I think you;'ll find the police won't get involved because of his age. They might when he is 10 or 11, but you don't want to wait that long.

#5 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:55 PM

Sadly his mum is not overly involved.  I know their family situation from the Pre-School days when we had issues.  He has siblings which are quite a bit older so was told that he is a rough child because he has older siblings.  That was her story and she was sticking to it.

School implied they don't have much luck with her, but obviously could not divulge too much information due to privacy.

#6 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 04:57 PM

A child cannot be held responsible if they are under 10 however a complaint can still be made.  I just know the Police have better things to do with their time - however I want to show I am dead serious with this.  I do not send my child to school to be assaulted.  :angry:

#7 lizzybirdsworth

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:01 PM

Thats awful. Your poor son. I think if you have tried with the school then your next step should be the education dept and see what they suggest. If you then feel nothing is being done or helped then i would take it further. Surely the ed dept would have some advice on how to go about it.
Big hugs to your ds.

#8 Brameny

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:02 PM

Any mentoring programs in your area op that could pair up say a brother program to the bully?

#9 Lees75

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:07 PM

We had a bully at our school who was about the same age. The school tried suspension, but it didn't help. The best thing the school did was make him walk around with the yard-duty teacher for a week. When he was involved in another incident, it became two weeks. He has been much better behaved since then!

#10 Ritaroo

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:09 PM

I don't know why this child is given the privilege of being out in the playground.

#11 taddie

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:12 PM

School needs to do more. Even if it's watch the boy and warn him away whenever he tries to find your son.

Bullying ruined my brothers life and imo a wait and see approach ends up badly for the bullied child.

I hope you are documenting each incident so you can provide a timed and dated log to the school with detail of each event and the schools reaction to it or lack thereof. Sometimes once they can see you are documenting they see you are serious about taking action with others if they don't do anything and it can motivate them to get off their butts and do the work they are supposed to do to protect your child.

Edited by taddie, 08 February 2014 - 05:13 PM.


#12 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:40 PM

Yes taddie, writing everything in my diary!

I really hate being one of "those" parents who are at the office every second day but if I don't stand up for him, who is going to?

The bullying seems to be playground based, when he is not in direct teacher supervision.  I know he got detention 2 days last week for swearing at the teacher, but then when he is allowed out 2nd break - he lets loose.

I am going to suggest to the school looking to get an Adopt-a-cop and looking for other suggestions, such as the buddy program you motioned Brameny.  So instead of just bagging out the school and the child, I'm offering some suggestions which are not in place and may assist.

#13 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:42 PM

It's just frustrating because I explained to DS that if I was to kick a person in the shopping centre, I would be arrested and charged with assault.

So I think it's confusing for him when the school says that this child will not be suspended, and they were not even going to mention that DS had "dobbed" for sake of the child becoming angry and retaliating further.

#14 tothebeach

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:52 PM

Can you go to the P&C?  We had a child at the school who was causing some issues.  The school kept reassuring the affected parents that they were working with the family but could not give details.   Parents were unhappy with this response as they felt that children were physically in danger - the P&C raised with the principal at the meeting.  They didn't want to know if and how the child was being punished - they wanted to know how the other children were being protected.  This was exactly the wording that we used with the principal.   In the end, they tried inschool detention for a period and very close supervision when the child was in the playground.

#15 Shellby

Posted 08 February 2014 - 05:56 PM

Sadly the only thing that worked for my son who was also being punched up etc was to send him to martial arts and also self defence classes.

After about 6 weeks one day the bully tried to put him in a head lock and my son knew how to get out of it, and then deflect every punch the bully tried, he tried for a week and when he couldn't land a hit on my son anymore and kids started laughing at him he gave up and now my son doesn't get bullied anymore.

Sadly it means the bully has moved onto new kids but I had to do something for my son as like you I got the whole, working with family, background issues etc and I knew really nothing was going to change - so I changed my son instead.

#16 TheWizardsGirl

Posted 08 February 2014 - 06:42 PM

I like that idea Shellby.  DP is encouraging DS to stand up for himself, however the school tells him not to get physical and walk away.

I need to get this sorted this week as I know DS and it's likely he will not want to go to school soon should this continue.  He is a sensitive little soul.

#17 CupcakeMumma

Posted 08 February 2014 - 06:53 PM

I'd be at the school office every single morning until they do more, they have a duty of care to your child.  Do they have an anti-bullying policy?  I know they aren't perfect, but it sounds like they aren't trying very hard.  I like the suggestion of the bully having to stay with a teacher during play sessions.    I would also let them know that unless they start to really provide some solutions, you will be going to dept ed.

And it sucks, is he in the same class as this child?  I'd also demand he be moved

We went through some issues when my ds was 9 but fortunately ours was resolved speedily and my son, is now also doing tae kwon do and is more confident in himself.

Edited by CupcakeMumma, 08 February 2014 - 06:54 PM.


#18 busy&happy

Posted 08 February 2014 - 07:04 PM

I think you need to keep documenting every incident- physical and verbal. Schools response and next incident inform the principal enough is enough and you intend to report to the police. Issues or not, the school needs to start implementing and enforcing consequences for his behaviour especially as he has a history.

#19 DEVOCEAN

Posted 08 February 2014 - 07:13 PM

View PostTheWizardsGirl, on 08 February 2014 - 06:42 PM, said:

I like that idea Shellby.  DP is encouraging DS to stand up for himself, however the school tells him not to get physical and walk away.

I need to get this sorted this week as I know DS and it's likely he will not want to go to school soon should this continue.  He is a sensitive little soul.
We have always taught DD to walk away and not hit back. However after one of the boys who bullied her last year, started on her the first day back at school this year. I told her next time he starts at her to just hit him.
Am I proud I have told her this? No.
It is the last resort though, as the school just refuses to do anything about them. The next stop may be an AVO against this kid.
You could try the Department of Education Regional Office for your area.

#20 Dirtsa

Posted 08 February 2014 - 07:17 PM

Perhaps a direct talk with the kid's parents? A respectful but firm message of make sure your child keeps his hands to himself or we will take this beyond the school. ( or whatever your next steps will be. ) or, I agree with the self defense classes suggested by pp.

#21 Luvmy4

Posted 08 February 2014 - 07:49 PM

Start by emailing the teacher and principal in a joint email every day there is an incident. Continue replying to the email with each new issue.

If you get no resolution fairly quickly send a group email to the class teacher, the principal and the district education office every day outlining what has happened each day and the schools response to each incident. Be clear and precise about it and outline exactly what your DS has said and what the teacher/principal response has been so far.

Involving the district office a few times was what helped in our situation.

Hope you get it sorted soon

Edited by Luvmy4, 08 February 2014 - 07:50 PM.


#22 Shellby

Posted 08 February 2014 - 08:48 PM

Quote

DP is encouraging DS to stand up for himself, however the school tells him not to get physical and walk away.

The good thing DS was taught was you don't fight back - yes he has the means (I have seen him take down a 18yo one day in class) - the idea is to deflect hits to protect yourself, keep your hands up and palms open while in a loud voice asking them to stop - idea being if a teacher notices (yep this is a class for kids so they try to teach them how to protect themselves and not get in trouble.) he will look like the innocent party - which he is, but if the teacher catches your son over the top of the bully with a fist you know what the teacher is going to do - blame your son just as much as the bully.

The idea of self defence is to first protect yourself, then if you must do one thing that will distract them or hurt them (like pull out their legs from them etc) and run - so in the real world and your older. In the playground they don't encourage fighting back because they know the teachers will then just blame your child - idea is to show the bully they can't hurt you, look stupid and leave you alone and if they want to keep trying at least you won't get hurt as you know how to defend yourself.

Its sad when you have to send your kids to classes to not only learn how to defend themselves but also not get in trouble from the teachers for sticking up for themselves.

#23 Guest_Cat_Blessed_*

Posted 08 February 2014 - 09:06 PM

Maybe it's a bit dramatic but I would go over the school's head and complain to the education Department or relevant governing body. Failing that would start legal action against the school. They have a duty of care to protect your son and are failing miserably. Their response is not good enough. The school is going a disservice to both your son and the bully.

That being said my eldest is 2, so I have no experience dealing with schools.

I'm sorry for what your son is going through :(

Edited by Cat_Blessed, 08 February 2014 - 10:51 PM.


#24 Handsfull

Posted 08 February 2014 - 09:32 PM

View PostDEVOCEAN, on 08 February 2014 - 07:13 PM, said:

We have always taught DD to walk away and not hit back. However after one of the boys who bullied her last year, started on her the first day back at school this year. I told her next time he starts at her to just hit him.
Am I proud I have told her this? No.
It is the last resort though, as the school just refuses to do anything about them. The next stop may be an AVO against this kid.
You could try the Department of Education Regional Office for your area.

I don't advocate violence at all but sometimes it takes a stand to make them stop.  However it is appalling to hear that when your child is being bailed up, many others are watching to see what happens and not one stands up to intervene.  DD1 (ASD) got bailed up and had her shirt grabbed and shoved by a much larger girl (same age though) and others just stood round to see how far it would go....

pretty appalling... DD1 now has our permission to take a stand.

#25 lucky 2

Posted 08 February 2014 - 09:54 PM

Hi OP, I've moved your topic to the Bullying forum.

In regards to approaching the parent, no way I'd do that. I doubt that ever ends well.

I'd escalate the matter up the chain of command but I wouldn't bypass certain levels. You never know what will happen until it happens.
I'm sorry to hear your child is being bullied. It's not fair.




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