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When the Grandparent REFUSES to babysit?!


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240 replies to this topic

#26 tazz91

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:23 AM

View Posttamjk, on 18 February 2014 - 10:21 AM, said:

You are being a precious princess...

Let it go.

He may change his stance as your son gets older, 2.5 he's still a baby in nappies in the eyes of many people. A lot of men will refuse to change nappies because they are afraid of being accused of child molestation.


Fully toilet trained actually.

#27 Loore

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:25 AM

I don't think he's being rude in refusing to look after a toddler for a day.  My dad's about the same age and I know he wouldn't be comfortable looking after a toddler, and knowing this I wouldn't ask him to.

You say you never expect him to babysit but isn't that exactly what you are doing here?  Your father isn't being unreasonable and selfish just because he doesn't want to look after your child for the day.

#28 Soontobegran

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:27 AM

View Posttazz91, on 18 February 2014 - 10:14 AM, said:

My husband is not the father of my child. That's the reason.
I had a baby before we were together.
The reason I do not want to hassle his parents is because my husband looks after my son every Friday, but almost always leaves my son with his parents while he goes out and does things. Which makes me feel AWFUL and guilty. They baby sat my son over night last Friday when our friend died, so that we could all be with our friends for support.
THAT'S why I feel like it's an unreasonable hassle for them.

You feel it unreasonable to hassle your inlaws who are willing step grand parents but are going to confront your dad whom for one reason or another doesn't think he's up to the task?

#29 jupiter71

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:27 AM

I don't get the biological grandparents thing either. My mum has 2 non bio grandchildren which each have a bio sibling, by that reasoning she should only babysit the bio-grandchildren.Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?  No difference between bio and non-bio children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews in my family, family is family and no one gives a hoot where everyone came from, the important thing is that they stay.

The glaringly obvious solution is to ask your husband's parents to look after your child.

#30 tazz91

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:28 AM

View PostZombieMum, on 18 February 2014 - 10:23 AM, said:

I find it hilarious that your DP is unable to look after you son once a week as he offloads him to his parents, yet you are upset and feel entitled to have your dad baby sit.

Glad that you find my situation so funny. But my husband has a condition which requires appointments most weeks, so when I say that his parents baby sit, it is about an hour or 2 every 1-2 weeks. And I do not agree with it. I feel that he dumps my son on them too often. As I have said, I don't dump my son on anyone, I feel too guilty. Which is why it's such a rare thing for me to ask my father for one favour.

#31 Sayerley

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:29 AM

I am sorry for your loss.

I would arrange with your husband's parents to look after him. They have done it before and sounds like they would be more comfortable doing it.

Don't stress yourself over your Dad. Unfortunately he doesn't want to do it and all you are doing is working yourself up over something you can not change.

Again I am sorry for your loss.

#32 rainycat

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:30 AM

Why don't you find a good babysitter?  He has said no, find someone else.

#33 protart roflcoptor

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:30 AM

Ahhhh, 22yo huh? I see.

Can your siblings help out?

Very sorry for the loss of your friend.

Oh, and perhaps save 'having it out' for your husband if him leaving your son with his parents every week has made it difficult for you to ask for their help on this occasion.


#34 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:31 AM

View Posttazz91, on 18 February 2014 - 10:21 AM, said:

Everyone is being so rude like I'm a spoiled brat...


Why do you suppose that is?

It isn't his job. It isn't his responsibility. Yes it would be nice, convenient, parental...

But he isn't obligated to do it and has made it clear that he wont.

So stop looking for people to say he MUST help you out when we all (most) think he shouldn't and find someone else. Don't ask him any more, it clearly upsets you.

#35 TopsyTurvy

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:31 AM

So hang on your DH has him every Friday, but dumps him on his parents to do other stuff for himself.  So how would them having him this Friday be really any different?

Firstly they obviously do not mind, and are capable.

Secondly your dad obviously does mind, and probably does not feel capable.

So the math.  Leave your child with the people who are happy to take care of him, and not the person who doesn't want to.

#36 Hayleymumof3

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:32 AM

View Posttazz91, on 18 February 2014 - 10:21 AM, said:

Everyone is being so rude like I'm a spoiled brat...
I just don't understand why he big notes himself as "Grandfather of the Year" (you don't even know how much I'm not kidding....) and brags to everyone about how ANGELIC his grandson is, but then refuses to help me. Just once. Because what, he might want to go to the shopping centre or something..? He has 4 kids (yes I have 3 siblings) so he has had plenty of time around toddlers.
I'm not asking for a 1-day-a-week commitment. I'm asking for 1 day.
Yes I do plan on bringing this up with him. Because I think he is being unreasonable and selfish. And I was hoping that some of you might have similar experiences or some insight on how to deal with BASICALLY having no parents. He wouldn't even help me on my wedding night, or the night I got engaged. I'm not exactly expecting the moon here.

You think your father has issues my father does this hasn't seen some of his grand kids in over 9 years and hasn't met one of them at all, yet still thinks he is great with his grandkids :omg:

Your in laws knew you had a son when you married their son, they have opened their arms lovingly towards your son and have accepted him as their grandson.  If they are happy to baby sit him and watch him USE THEM.  Don't force your father to defend his right to refuse you won't like the outcome.  And learn to deal with the fact that your father doesn't want to baby sit your child.

#37 AngryBird

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:34 AM

View Posttazz91, on 18 February 2014 - 10:21 AM, said:


Yes I do plan on bringing this up with him. Because I think he is being unreasonable and selfish. And I was hoping that some of you might have similar experiences or some insight on how to deal with BASICALLY having no parents. He wouldn't even help me on my wedding night, or the night I got engaged. I'm not exactly expecting the moon here.

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with the poster who suggested you not get into a situation that''s going to cause you more stress and heartache - it's a difficult and emotional time for you already, so I'd try and keep things as calm as you can.

You don't have basically "no parents" - you have parents in law who seem to want to babysit and spend time with your son alone. And you have a Dad who is willing to be a grandfather without doing the actual care-giving - and that's his right! Don't push it, don't risk destroying what your father and son DO have with resentment or guilt on his part.

Use the willing babysitters, let your Dad and son have a relationship he is comfortable with maintaining and let yourself relax and grieve.

#38 niggles

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:35 AM

Can't y'all go a little easier. The OP has just lost a friend and is probably stressed about wanting to be there for the funeral.

Perhaps talk to your husband and see what he thinks. Perhaps if he does the asking you'll feel more comfortable.  

Or your Dad might be willing to play with your son for an hour with a picnic in a park near to the funeral.

#39 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:37 AM

View Posthayleymumof3, on 18 February 2014 - 10:32 AM, said:

You think your father has issues my father does this hasn't seen some of his grand kids in over 9 years and hasn't met one of them at all, yet still thinks he is great with his grandkids :omg:


Mine is almost as bad - he has met them, wont be alone with them, thinks they are 20 already and capable of going out for a nice meal (or he doesn't want to see them) and lasts about 10 minutes max before he starts telling them to STFU. OP isn't the first and wont be the last member of EB with a sh*t dad. Unfortunately.

#40 Fabulous

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:37 AM

I can understand why you are disappointed, it's only natural. However I would just go and ask your inlaws or failing that I would try and book your son into one of those daycares that takes children on a casual basis.

#41 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:38 AM

You are right of course niggles, we should be nicer.

Sorry OP. I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

#42 tazz91

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:41 AM

View Postniggles, on 18 February 2014 - 10:35 AM, said:

Can't y'all go a little easier. The OP has just lost a friend and is probably stressed about wanting to be there for the funeral.

Perhaps talk to your husband and see what he thinks. Perhaps if he does the asking you'll feel more comfortable.  

Or your Dad might be willing to play with your son for an hour with a picnic in a park near to the funeral.

Thank you so much for your kindness. Yes my friend was 20y.o and had a sudden heart attack. It's been a huge shock and I am very stressed. The funeral is 2.5 hours away and we don't know anyone down there who could baby sit, nor do any of our friends have kids (we're 22.) Baby-sitters are $20+/hour so we were trying to avoid that. But I think that's the road we will have to go down :(

#43 Ianthe

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:41 AM

View PostTopsyTurvy, on 18 February 2014 - 10:31 AM, said:

So hang on your DH has him every Friday, but dumps him on his parents to do other stuff for himself.  So how would them having him this Friday be really any different?

Firstly they obviously do not mind, and are capable.

Secondly your dad obviously does mind, and probably does not feel capable.

So the math.  Leave your child with the people who are happy to take care of him, and not the person who doesn't want to.

Yep.

#44 Sayerley

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:43 AM

Can you contact his daycare and see if they have room for him on Friday? I have done that before with our daycare, if they have the space they have been more than happy to do it.

#45 DEVOCEAN

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:44 AM

I am a grandparent. I hate to admit it but I find it really hard saying yes to babysitting my granddaughter. For reasons I will not go into on here.
OP, if your father doesn't want to do it he has his reasons. He doesn't have to tell you what they are.

#46 DEVOCEAN

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:47 AM

View PostDinosaurus, on 18 February 2014 - 10:37 AM, said:

OP isn't the first and wont be the last member of EB with a sh*t dad. Unfortunately.
So he is a sh*t dad just because he won't babysit.
Judgemental or what.

#47 Squeekums The Elf

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:53 AM

He dont want to, he dont have to and im picking up a sense of spoilt
Dont matter if he fully TT, some GP are over parenting aspect and want to be all gifts, games and fun.
Totally valid IMO

Why force your Dad to have him when he dont want to, why not let the people who happy to watch him do it?
And why does your DH dump and run with his parents every week? Id be sh*tty about that more than my dad not babysitting. Once or twice yeah but every week?

#48 niggles

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:54 AM

It sounds pretty sh*t to me as described under the circumstances.

Anyway sorry for getting all disciplinarian. I'm watching the Vic Cross ceremony and it's making me weepy.

#49 rabbit hyde

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:56 AM

I can see how it would be frustrating, especially in the case of events such as funerals.

However he has made his place clear which is inconvenient but that's his right.

Have you tried talking to him about why he won't babysit and whether he would do it once your child is older.

I think though at the end of the day it's flogging a dead horse.

#50 BetteBoop

Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:59 AM

View PostDEVOCEAN, on 18 February 2014 - 10:47 AM, said:


So he is a sh*t dad just because he won't babysit.
Judgemental or what.

Someone who won't help their own child out in an emergency is my idea of a sh*t parent.




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