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Worst dates - share your funny stories


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#26 Lime-Polka-Dot

Posted 28 May 2014 - 05:58 PM

I once went on a first date with a guy I met on a drunken night out at a pub. He took two weeks after the initial meeting to send me a text asking me out, but I thought oh well why not?

When I first met him I had told him I worked / studied in childcare / early childhood education and he asked me for some advice about his 3 year old son who was often biting. He explained he was a single father and the mother had up and done a runner to QLD.

I meet him and pick him up from his house for the first date. (He had lost his licence). He shows me around the house, my first thought is, hmmm there's no toys etc.. He's wearing trackie pants and a hoodie for dinner at the local pub.. way to make an effort!

I ask him questions about his son to make conversation, ask where he is etc. He explains his son is staying with his own mother (grandmother) for a little while..

So a few dates later he's still odd and evasive about the child whenever I ask.. Eventually he confesses there is no child, he made up the whole thing to have something to talk to me about the first time we met! I had pretty much figured it out by then but was still pretty peeved he wasn't upfront!

#27 ingrid74

Posted 27 June 2014 - 10:04 PM

Desperate and Dateless ball. Rock up in town to meet my date. Mummy (he is 22yrs old) has dropped him off and town and waited to see that he is safe and tells him to call her when he is ready to be picked up.
Catch the bus to the entertainment centre and while on the bus he asks me what I like to do (sports - playing and watching, fitness etc etc). I recipricate the question and he tells me rock and stamp collecting!
We get inside and I ask him what he wants to drink (free alcohol) and he will have a lemonade (nothing really wrong with that part). Friend and I left him asap!

RSVP online date. Met at a restaurant. He has a 2-4-1 voucher. Come to paying and he says oh you can pay. I only had water and I had the 2-4-1 voucher so my meal was free!

#28 Feraldasherie

Posted 27 June 2014 - 10:24 PM

My favourite was a guy who thought a first date would be the perfect opportunity to explain his theory of why ball sports are ritualised exercises in rape sublimation.

Something something the net in soccer is the bride's veil something something the white ball is the semen.

Gosh, is that the time, I have to go and pick up my DD from school. Unfortunately it was only 1:15 and I had misread the time on his watch.

#29 PeninsulaGirl

Posted 27 June 2014 - 11:16 PM

The date where the guy sat in silence and I had to make all conversation. Eventually I got sick of it and sat there silently to see how long it would take before he said something. Twenty five minutes later he starts talking! So that was twenty five loooong minutes of silence.... I had decided at 30 minutes I was going to politely excuse myself and leave. I think it might have actually been a bit of a test because after that he was completely normal and charming and a great conversationalist. We were together for about 18 months and to this day he is my 'one-that-got away'.

There was also another guy who asked me out for brunch. We were to meet outside a lovely cafe opposite a park. Cool, I thought, very good choice.... it turns out he had planned a picnic in the park. It was freezing cold, the grass was damp, he had brought the (dirty!) sheet off his bed for us to sit on - yuk. That lovely cafe that was nearby? He had bought some food from, which again, one would think would be good.... Only problem was he had bought gourmet pies that were stone cold (like straight out of the fridge rock-hard thick homemade pastry cold) that were made of duck and buffalo. Would have been gorgeous heated with some salad, but freezing cold and hard sitting on a damp dirty sheet in the cold was not so good, at all. Then when it was finally over and I was getting in my car he made a last minute move to kiss me, I got such a fright I jumped and head butted the door of my car - hard!. NOT a good date.

Another guy invited me to a corporate box at the melbourne grand prix. Soon figured out there was something seriously amiss with this guy. I pretended to have a head ache and tried to leave politely but he became really aggro. Scary aggro. I ended up going to the toilet and escaping with the help of the security staff at the box.  Was a seriously scary situation and was very grateful it was in a public place.

#30 steppy

Posted 27 June 2014 - 11:29 PM

Years ago I thought I'd try internet dating. Started talking to a guy, seemed to be going well, even if he did live interstate. Progressed to phone calls and then we talked about meeting and he said he would like this scenario:

We meet at a hotel and he texts me his room number. I then go to the room and knock and when he lets me in it is into complete blackness. He then rips my clothes off and we have wild, out there sex where he can do anything he likes in the dark.

The whole time he is telling me this I am wondering if he is really ugly and not like his photo or if he thinks I am really ugly and would rather not look at me - or worse, he hates women in general and prefers to have sex with faceless objects. I am also getting pretty sure he's not looking for a relationship and has been patiently responding to me as though he is while just dying for the moment when he can dazzle me with his sexual identity.

After this telephone date, I tell him I think we are too different and live too far apart anyhow and he gets peeved and sends me a gloating photo of himself with his arm around some woman who I assume took him up on the hotel date (or who he met IRL and therefore was unable to reveal his fantasies so immediately). I respond "You two look great together, I am very happy for you both" and he signs my email address up for a bunch of spam sites.

At least I didn't date him in person. He probably wouldn't have revealed himself for way too long.

#31 Literary Lemur

Posted 28 June 2014 - 08:04 AM

He turned up in a hotted up Ford Escort with roll bars and oil pooled on the floor in front of the front passengers seat.  I discovered this after I had placed my hand bag thee and nearly fell on my face on the pavement due to the oil on the soles of my shoes.

He thought sex down a dark laneway would be a good idea.

Yep, I married him.





#32 RainRain

Posted 28 June 2014 - 08:46 AM

I had a few really nice dates with a lovely sweet guy, but within 3 weeks he had introduced me to his parents, which I was pretty uncomfortable with. At the first meeting, the mother starts on about how she would prefer a church wedding, tries to give me a photo of when he was a baby and then tries to give me a gold diamond ring off her hand…I quietly left them on the kitchen bench. Told sweet guy that I wasn't ready for a relationship and stopped seeing him. He ended up stalking me for months, constant rambling drunk txt, leaving presents at my house and work and eventually turned up at my door having lost so much weight he was half his size and was shaking. I was petrified. I finally got some mutual friends to persuade him to leave me alone. I was very close to calling the police. I still think of him as a sweet guy, I just think he has major problems, probably from his outrageous mother.

#33 Sancti-claws

Posted 28 June 2014 - 12:35 PM

Oh no - some of these are awful.

I went on a date with this french guy I had met at the movies.  I had to pick him up.

He had explained a flatmate situation - just not the bit where she was his ex but didn't really think so.

We got to the restaurant.  I got something vego, which was quite nice first mouthful.  He got fish - it looked nice, but he demanded that the chef come out and get told how to cook a fish properly.

After that embarrassment (he didn't have to pay for his fish - I paid for my meal and fled) he chased me down the street as he still needed a lift home - and could we go out again some time.

#34 kidwrangler

Posted 28 June 2014 - 02:41 PM

I met my now DH on holiday, so after many phone calls etc, I flew over to visit/ date him. He picked me up from the airport in his flatmate's car that apparently had a dodgy fuel gauge.

He ran out of petrol in the carpark. I was forced to steer it through the parking window, pay the attendant and then he pushed the car to a service station nearby.

It was pretty darn funny. He was very apologetic. Luckily he was my dream guy so it could be easily overlooked in the list of positives. I still tease him about it :)

#35 Chchgirl

Posted 28 June 2014 - 02:54 PM

I've not dated in 23 years and not planning to, but some of these stories are hilarious, thanks guys!

#36 ByJeepersMizPeeper

Posted 28 June 2014 - 03:02 PM

It was a long time ago, late 90's early internet era, tried RSVP! been chatting online & on phone for months and then met at a restaurant and he was absolutely nothing like his profile or our chats, I can't remember the exact details now other than going into the bathroom and considering climbing out the window and taking off, but the nicer side of me couldn't leave him cold so I ended up phoning a friend to fake and emergency and took off that way!!!  Ending up marrying the friend who helped me out of my predicament! :doh:

#37 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 June 2014 - 03:34 PM

I've been wracking my brain for one to share that doesn't paint me in such a slapperous light..  (my goodness what an 'active' social life I once had!)

And I've come up with this one:

Started out amazingly romantically.  I was working as a relief teacher in a very, VERY rough inner city high school and when everything had gone to hell in my classroom I sent a girl out armed with a note to get help.

A tall (REALLY TALL) handsome male teacher strides in he was wearing a blue turtleneck sweater that was the exact colour of his eyes.

After calmly and with a charmingly controlled menace he restored safety and order to my class.
Later that day he told me that my note was so amusingly written he couldn't help but respond - in this school it was 'every man for himself' usually..

We went for a drink together after work, to de-stress, got on really well, at the end of the evening he said "Well, I guess I'll never see you again." and I responded "Yeah, I guess you won't!"  Honestly it was like a movie.. me looking back over my shoulder as I walked down the gates into the tube station, him staring, me doing the little wave.

Weeks later I turned up again at that school.  I'm trying to make polite conversation in the staffroom and another teach goes "OMG! Are you Melanie? Are you Melanie from Australia!"  she then turns to another teacher and goes "Look what we have here!  It is Melanie! Melanie the Australian teacher with blonde curls!"

Another teacher rushes up and looks me over as if I am a hologram of Princess Leia.. "DO NOT LEAVE THIS SPOT!" she orders..

Anyway.. apparently my hero had spent the last few weeks kicking himself that he never got my number, he had even rung all the relief teacher agencies trying to track me down but they refused to hand out personal information... his two colleagues had been having to put up with his replaying "Well, I guess I'll never see you again?" and "What a stupid way to end an evening THAT was.. !" everyday since.

But he wasn't at work that day.

They insisted I hand over my number saying 'We have never seen him like this ever, he is majorly smitten with you!'

All very ego boosting as you can imagine.

Long story short we went out, we went out again then - he then rings me, and asks if I will come with him to go out to dinner with his Father and his father's wife who are in town.  (he wasn't from the UK)

I went to the most excruciating meal I have EVER sat through, Father and son were barely able to speak to each other, son never addressed a single word to 'stepmother' and if she spoke to him he acted as if he hadn't heard or made a snort.

I tried (like bailing with a cup on the Titanic) to keep the conversation moving... but as I barely knew the son and I wasn't 'his girlfriend' I really was having troubles.

Eventually we left, I did the 'lovely to meet you s' and then chased my hero down the street..

Later over more wine he spent a couple of hours telling me the tales.  

This was the FIRST TIME he had seen his father in nearly 10 years.  His father's wife used to be his mother's best friend... one night his father had announced he was leaving, and never came back.
There were some serious resentments, some things that should have been said years ago and never were...

And he took ME to that meeting!

#38 PeninsulaGirl

Posted 28 June 2014 - 03:54 PM

View PostCountryFeral, on 28 June 2014 - 03:34 PM, said:

I've been wracking my brain for one to share that doesn't paint me in such a slapperous light..  (my goodness what an 'active' social life I once had!)

And I've come up with this one:

Started out amazingly romantically.  I was working as a relief teacher in a very, VERY rough inner city high school and when everything had gone to hell in my classroom I sent a girl out armed with a note to get help.

A tall (REALLY TALL) handsome male teacher strides in he was wearing a blue turtleneck sweater that was the exact colour of his eyes.

After calmly and with a charmingly controlled menace he restored safety and order to my class.
Later that day he told me that my note was so amusingly written he couldn't help but respond - in this school it was 'every man for himself' usually..

We went for a drink together after work, to de-stress, got on really well, at the end of the evening he said "Well, I guess I'll never see you again." and I responded "Yeah, I guess you won't!"  Honestly it was like a movie.. me looking back over my shoulder as I walked down the gates into the tube station, him staring, me doing the little wave.

Weeks later I turned up again at that school.  I'm trying to make polite conversation in the staffroom and another teach goes "OMG! Are you Melanie? Are you Melanie from Australia!"  she then turns to another teacher and goes "Look what we have here!  It is Melanie! Melanie the Australian teacher with blonde curls!"

Another teacher rushes up and looks me over as if I am a hologram of Princess Leia.. "DO NOT LEAVE THIS SPOT!" she orders..

Anyway.. apparently my hero had spent the last few weeks kicking himself that he never got my number, he had even rung all the relief teacher agencies trying to track me down but they refused to hand out personal information... his two colleagues had been having to put up with his replaying "Well, I guess I'll never see you again?" and "What a stupid way to end an evening THAT was.. !" everyday since.

But he wasn't at work that day.

They insisted I hand over my number saying 'We have never seen him like this ever, he is majorly smitten with you!'

All very ego boosting as you can imagine.

Long story short we went out, we went out again then - he then rings me, and asks if I will come with him to go out to dinner with his Father and his father's wife who are in town.  (he wasn't from the UK)

I went to the most excruciating meal I have EVER sat through, Father and son were barely able to speak to each other, son never addressed a single word to 'stepmother' and if she spoke to him he acted as if he hadn't heard or made a snort.

I tried (like bailing with a cup on the Titanic) to keep the conversation moving... but as I barely knew the son and I wasn't 'his girlfriend' I really was having troubles.

Eventually we left, I did the 'lovely to meet you s' and then chased my hero down the street..

Later over more wine he spent a couple of hours telling me the tales.  

This was the FIRST TIME he had seen his father in nearly 10 years.  His father's wife used to be his mother's best friend... one night his father had announced he was leaving, and never came back.
There were some serious resentments, some things that should have been said years ago and never were...

And he took ME to that meeting!

OMG country feral, don't leave me hanging! What happened next??? It's an incredibly romantic story.... till you get to the philandering father and mother's nasty best friend bit, then it goes down hill a bit lol

#39 HRH Countrymel

Posted 28 June 2014 - 04:44 PM

View PostPeninsulaGirl, on 28 June 2014 - 03:54 PM, said:

OMG country feral, don't leave me hanging! What happened next??? It's an incredibly romantic story.... till you get to the philandering father and mother's nasty best friend bit, then it goes down hill a bit lol

The rest of it stays rather romantic actually...  there were more dates (there was the one where he walked us into the middle of a riot in Brixton!!  Never felt more white and obvious in my life!)

The dinner in the hippest restaurant in London - had to book 6 months in advance so I don't know how he wrangled that one - all my friends were so jealous!

Actually he loved taking me out to dinner - he used to marvel at my massive appetite "I've never seen a tiny girl eat with the enthusiasm that you do?" (These days my body shape and my appetite are actually in sync alas.)

There was his flatmate who was sincerely the handsomest man I have ever seen, you could barely breathe when you looked at him, who worked as a model and a city trader but was going to try and become a standup comedian... all very interesting until you factored in that this chap not only had 0 sense of humour he actually didn't ever understand humour.

Him turning up when I had to cancel an evening out because I had a revolting cold at my house with a box of aloe vera tissues (the first time I'd ever seen them), a ring with a daisy in it, a book about Amelia Earheart and some lemsip and making me a hot drink tucking me under a snuggly blanket and saying "I'm going to kiss you anyway!  The chance of catching that cold seems minor compared with what it feels like to not be able to kiss you.."

And then I stuffed it up.   He invited me to the Oxford Cambridge boat race ball and instead of admitting I couldn't afford to buy a dress, and was worried I would stand out like a colonial country bumpkin,  I made some other stupid excuse..

And you know how one lie rolls into another... he decided I wasn't interested anymore and (as the 'bad date' story indicates) he was a man who had some 'issues' with rejection...

I do sometimes think of it as a sliding door that I could have taken..

Oh and he had the BEST surname... if I had married him I would SO have changed my name, it would have made me sound like a muppet!

#40 PeninsulaGirl

Posted 28 June 2014 - 07:23 PM

View PostCountryFeral, on 28 June 2014 - 04:44 PM, said:



The rest of it stays rather romantic actually...  there were more dates (there was the one where he walked us into the middle of a riot in Brixton!!  Never felt more white and obvious in my life!)

The dinner in the hippest restaurant in London - had to book 6 months in advance so I don't know how he wrangled that one - all my friends were so jealous!

Actually he loved taking me out to dinner - he used to marvel at my massive appetite "I've never seen a tiny girl eat with the enthusiasm that you do?" (These days my body shape and my appetite are actually in sync alas.)

There was his flatmate who was sincerely the handsomest man I have ever seen, you could barely breathe when you looked at him, who worked as a model and a city trader but was going to try and become a standup comedian... all very interesting until you factored in that this chap not only had 0 sense of humour he actually didn't ever understand humour.

Him turning up when I had to cancel an evening out because I had a revolting cold at my house with a box of aloe vera tissues (the first time I'd ever seen them), a ring with a daisy in it, a book about Amelia Earheart and some lemsip and making me a hot drink tucking me under a snuggly blanket and saying "I'm going to kiss you anyway!  The chance of catching that cold seems minor compared with what it feels like to not be able to kiss you.."

And then I stuffed it up.   He invited me to the Oxford Cambridge boat race ball and instead of admitting I couldn't afford to buy a dress, and was worried I would stand out like a colonial country bumpkin,  I made some other stupid excuse..

And you know how one lie rolls into another... he decided I wasn't interested anymore and (as the 'bad date' story indicates) he was a man who had some 'issues' with rejection...

I do sometimes think of it as a sliding door that I could have taken..

Oh and he had the BEST surname... if I had married him I would SO have changed my name, it would have made me sound like a muppet!

Well, it sounds like it continued on romantically for quite a while! Would make a good screen play....

And unravelled in a similar way to my one that got away... we were both young and silly and broke:(

Edited by PeninsulaGirl, 28 June 2014 - 08:33 PM.


#41 jdl

Posted 28 June 2014 - 07:42 PM

Some of these are priceless - and unnerving.....

I just  have stupid ones....they very cute son of a well know city jeweller who  always brought his best mate on our dates  (all three of them)...yes he did come out eventually.

The man who accepted my offer of a night out at some dance party (wayyy back in the 90s...) and then accepted  another date and then another but kept having to get really drunk before he could do the deed  (ok so the date was over by then...) seems he didn't really want to go out with me at all but couldn't tell me 'no'.....

The man (and I use this expression reservedly) who brought along a brief case full of photos of his ex girlfriend and tried to show me over dinner.

#42 flowermama

Posted 28 June 2014 - 08:11 PM

These are so bad they're brilliant :)

Terrible date # 1 - I was living in Sydney in my early 20s, asked out by great looking, funny guy. He came to my house and we walked to the restaurant, on the way he said he had to stop at the supermarket. I thought he had to buy something but he started going through all the discarded shopper dockets that people used to dump at the end of the aisle until he found one with a two for one meal deal on it. I was horrified (not so bad if you happen to have one in your wallet but to resort to scrounging around for a discarded docket is pretty bad!). We went to the restaurant, he looked annoyed when I asked for a cocktail (not included in the deal :smile: ). He then finished his meal, finished mine and proceeded to pick up his plate, then mine, and lick them clean!! He then told me he didn't want dessert but he'd come back to my place and show me some tricks with ice cream...needless to say I declined :smile:

Terrible date # 2 - Living in Melbourne, breakfast date with friend of a friend. He was annoyed that the restaurant didn't have table service so marched off to order at the counter. I could hear raised voices and a bit of shouting but couldn't make out what was being said; he came back and said he'd lost it as they'd charged a 50 cent EFTPOS fee. The next minute the owner came out and started yelling at him for upsetting his wait staff and it turned into a screaming match with the whole (packed) restaurant watching - until we were loudly and forcefully thrown out of the restaurant and told never to come back...not pleasant!

#43 PeninsulaGirl

Posted 28 June 2014 - 08:37 PM

omg some of these are absolutely hilarious, others cringe worthy - and a few are more than a little scary too!

#44 Sancti-claws

Posted 28 June 2014 - 08:53 PM

Oh lord - I just remembered another.

This guy spent the whole time bignoting about how much money he was worth on paper.  He didn't want to park too far away from the theatre, so parked in a laneway nearby.  When we got back to the car, an irate elderly couple was waiting to harange him, as they couldn't put their car into the garage as his car blocked the turn required - they had a "no parking" signed parked on the bitumen under where he had parked.  When he failed to apologise to them in any way and spent the whole trip home calling them names, what very slim chance he had slipped away.

#45 MrsLexiK

Posted 29 June 2014 - 12:06 AM

This wasn't me and really it would have been more horrible for the lady DH took out then for himself. He took her to dinner (I assume) then the movies, he feel asleep durning the movies on her.




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