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Am I OK?


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#26 hoohoobump

Posted 31 March 2016 - 03:15 PM

PANDA were helpful for me. As was some psych.

You sound anxious (understandably), but I think talking it through and debriefing with someone could help.

#27 just roses

Posted 31 March 2016 - 03:36 PM

View PostRockChick22, on 18 March 2015 - 09:07 PM, said:

Just thought of something. I sometimes have to check that she is still alive while she is sleeping. Sometime I have a feeling that she is going to die overnight. Early on in pregnancy I was really worried that I would accidentally kill her (roll on her in my sleep or something), that has passed now. But is the checking she is alive and the worry that she may die normal?
I did it.

I still check on my kids each night and they're 5 and 8. Not with the same level of anxiety, though.

But yes, it can be very overwhelming. I was very worried about SIDS and all the things that can go wrong. I still have to be conscious of not being overwhelmed with worry. But it's managed - I'm not feeling like this all the time and I can control it.

I think you would definitely benefit from a debriefing session with a good counsellor - preferably a psychologist with experience in the area. Might be difficult if you're rural, but some will consult over the phone.

#28 Simple Human

Posted 31 March 2016 - 06:07 PM

Your hospital should have a patient advocate.  They can be very helpful in these situations and can access your file and go through it with you with a health professional.  The nurse unit manager usually helps too.  If they don't have one, tell the switchboard you want to make a complaint.  Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't turn anyone against you - it actually ensures you get better treatment the next time.  When you make a complaint the hospital will contact you and try to resolve it with you, they will access your file and give you the answers you need and deserve.

I'm a hospital doc and when we get a patient whose made a complaint in past, we are usually notified before they come in, and we always make extra sure everything is really well explained to you and documented clearly.  We never mention the complaint to you, just use it to better your care.  It's actually good that complaints are made because it improves our practice.

And I'm really sorry that all happened, it sounds awful.  I'm sorry the system let you down and you weren't listened to and your concerns not taken with the seriousness they deserved.  

As for the baby checking, mine is 18 months and I still check once a night!  I suffered terrible anxiety with the baby stopping breathing (my view is very skewed because of my work), but I worked on it with a psychologist and basically if it's not impacting negatively on your life (i.e. getting up every 20 minutes and being non0functional the next day) then it's probably okay.  Once a night doesn't adversely impact me so that's what I've kept it to (unless she's sick).  I highly recommend seeing a counsellor or psychologist trained in birth trauma to help you process this.  It's too much for one person to go through alone.

I really do encourage you to seek out your hospital's patient advocate or complaint line - they can be very helpful and you deserve resolution.

Edited by Simple Human, 31 March 2016 - 06:08 PM.


#29 TheFirstNoel

Posted 31 March 2016 - 06:21 PM

I'm so sorry that you have had such a tough time. You sound borderline OK/not OK to me, some anxiety is normal. Is it affecting your day to day life?

I also had a velamentous cord insertion (not picked up during pregnancy) and manual placenta removal in surgery with my second child. I wasn't traumatised but it certainly took me a while to process the experience. You have had a lot piled on top of that, I feel for you. Be gentle with yourself, you have been through a lot and your feelings are valid.

#30 jarlz

Posted 31 March 2016 - 07:03 PM

View PostRockChick22, on 18 March 2015 - 09:07 PM, said:

Just thought of something. I sometimes have to check that she is still alive while she is sleeping. Sometime I have a feeling that she is going to die overnight. Early on in pregnancy I was really worried that I would accidentally kill her (roll on her in my sleep or something), that has passed now. But is the checking she is alive and the worry that she may die normal?

I went through this after having a baby born needing resuscitation  (the first birth after a stillborn son and several miscarriages) - I was diagnosed with PTSD I am not a medical practitioner but URGE you to find one you can talk to candidly to help you through this difficult time. I'm pretty jaded and hacked off by some EB contributors in previous threads but could NOT read this post and not comment. You poor darling. You have been through SO MUCH and are completely validated in feeling the way you do. But with some help you can get to feeling so much better than you are now. For what it's worth, I had a fantastic experience with my next baby (although not without its challenges) and my obstetrician even made the comment that she was SO glad I went on to have another baby and end on a high note, so to speak, and not the trauma of the one before. It is still with me, makes me teary and nauseous to recall, but I'm able to process the feelings, FEEL them,and then wrap myself up in the love of my delicious, now 5yo boy. Big hugs to you x





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