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Ready Set Go Girls #251
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Posted 01 May 2015 - 10:45 AM
thanks for the warm welcome ladies. I guess I am here for the main part because hubby is being an ass about things. as in last night when I was in tears reading the ivf info his words were 'I don't see why you are getting so emotional over this ivf stuff - what has it achieved? where has it gotten you?'
Have any of you ladies had an unsupportive response from you partners like that? I understand that he is more than likely feeling some angst himself - given that he has low count/low normal swimmers but to outwardly say that just is so nasty to me!
Are any of you ladies in the same boat where maybe hubby is part of the reason/the main reason why getting pregnant just isn't happening?
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:11 AM
mswc101 my hubby doesnt have any issues and he is supportive but he doesnt understand the emotional turmoil us women experience, afterall it is our bodies.
He doesnt understand how each 2WW is an emotional rollercoaster and I guess how could he?
EB has been a godesnd for me to vent and find support that I just cannot get in person.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:16 AM
I'm not in the same boat - I'm the "broken" one in our relationship - but coming from that angle, I can say that it REALLY sucks. To know how badly DH wants to be a father, and 6 cycles of IVF and countless years of TTC before that, the guilt of how much I am letting him down is really hard to bear.
I'd suggest that this is what is going on for your DH - Men like to fix things, and this is something that is outside of his control to fix. He probably feels like utter sh*t for being the problem in the first place, and seeing you so upset compounds that. He can't take away your tears, because he feels like he is causing them.
Unfortunately, your upset at all of this is just going to make things worse.
If you've chosen an IVF clinic, please call and book a free appointment with the counsellor there, just to talk through your disappointment and pain, and maybe find some strategies in relating to your other half that aren't around placing the blame - because if you want a baby, the last thing you want is for him to shut down completely, and refuse to do IVF - which is where things could lead if he feels like such a complete failure.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:17 AM
he initially thought it was just 20 mins for me to get the eggs taken, 20 mins for them to get put in. that's it. what is there to worry about.
after Tuesdays appointment he was told there is more to it than that, so I think he understands the actual physical process, but he doesn't understand that there is an emotional process to go through also (even if he doesn't understand it - hell - at this early stage I don't even understand what is going on in my head and my heart tbh) but he doesn't think there is a need for me to cry at all.
I just don't think I can even look at starting the procedures, etc with his current level of support (which is basically none. the most that I can take from him is that he is willing to commit to doing ivf)
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:34 AM
Shaynavyre: I have actually today booked with repromed to see their counsellor next week.
I did send him a msg during an unrelated argument (about his kid) where he was being totally ott about something - I said: I know that Tuesdays mood may have hit you in a similar way to me and that's why you are especially lashing out at me about this but I need you to talk to me because you have just been so dismissive about our fertility problems.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:49 AM
and - I guess im so scared to ask him about how he is in person as it will bring up the subject and I feel very guarded in opening up to him about things as he just seems to be stamping on my emotions/dismissing them as me being 'overly emotional' etc. If he were to say something like he did again it would really kill me inside.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 01:22 PM
It's so hard when you feel trapped and unable to talk about things. I don't know how he would take it, but maybe suggest to him to see the counsellor too? You can go both seperately and together. If you went together you would at least have "someone on your side"- to validate what you're feeling so you can actually talk about things.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 01:45 PM
Hi ladies will come back tonight's personals - lots I want make comment on however.
Prima girl - I know you said you have similar CM cycle one to what I am experiencing.. Did you have any other symptoms - I am using a guideline that says today is the first day a small amount of hcg hormone will start to get realised (6dpt) however I feel nothing - other than CM I have no cramps ... Anymore only had them for about two days here and there but as it stands nothing no sore boobs no anything. Ohh a little headache and a bit woozy but I was putting that down to the OHSS.. Just curious really..
Posted 01 May 2015 - 02:09 PM
I am 3dp5dt so I am desperately searching for any symptoms too and that's why I looked at my detailed notes from ivf 1 which was bfp.
About 6dp3dt I started having really painful cramps at night which would wake me up, i'm talking terribly painful that I thought something was wrong. I had vivid dreams too and very sore lower back. I had cramps during the day too but nothing like the night time ones.
I know every pregnancy can be different, so this may not happen to me again but I wish it would so I could know the outcome! Not knowing what is happening inside is eating me up! I'm so good at giving advice saying "try to relax and get your mind off it" but so bad at taking it!
Posted 01 May 2015 - 02:28 PM
Mswc: I think you need to be honest with your husband and tell him how you're feeling and why you are so upset. Choose a moment when you are calm and can say everything clearly without crying, I know this is difficult as it's a sore topic, but guys are more rational than emotional. To get through this process you need to communicate well with your partner and have them to support you, so you need to find a way for him to understand how you feel.
Ask him how he is feeling and what are his thoughts and fears. If he "blames" himself for having to do ivf, he needs to know that you don't blame or resent him and that now all that matters is sticking together to get through this.
I think you are both in shock from realising that your conception journey is taking this path, we have all been there. I actually joked with my DH that he was the issue and got a rude shock to discover it was me.
If your DH is receptive to counselling, that would be a great start. If he isn't, tell him you are struggling and ask him to come with you to counselling for moral support and that way he'll go without feeling he needs it. Sometimes we have to do things a little sneaky to get what we want!
He may be very embarrassed, so agree on who you will tell and how much you will tell to avoid getting into arguments later. There is nothing worse than a man's hurt pride, so you need to be a little delicate with how you approach him.
You need to think of ivf as an opportunity to have a family rather than a problem. It will increase your chances of getting pregnant and for many of us it's the only way we will ever be able to get pregnant. It will take some time to come to terms with it all but we're all here for advice, support and information that only someone who has gone through ivf could understand.
Edited by Primadonna girl, 01 May 2015 - 02:30 PM.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 02:34 PM
This is the timeline guide i am going off at the moment, this is after 5 day transfer so may have to change dates if you have a 3 day transfer.
Will come back for personals.. thanks for quick reply Prima
Posted 01 May 2015 - 04:55 PM
Thanks all for the information and opinions about the IVF journey, i guess i will just have to listen to my FS and my body. Obviously i am still at the beginning of all of this i would try at least 5 times and then if still nothing maybe then would i look down the route of egg donor. In regard to breaks i have decided if this on doesnt work (ill find out monday) then i will have a break and start again for a July/August cycle.
Primadonna - Totally understand your worry about the blast not taking, it is such a weird feeling to know you are so close but everything beyond the transfer is so out of control and unknown - i hate that we will never know what happens in our bodies after that moment unless we get a BFP. I have everything crossed for you.
mrsJacko - Exciting to hear that you are starting IVF i mean that in the nicest way, i felt so relieved when i finally started cause it was like everything would be ok i was trying something new, i am thankful now that i started IVF otherwise i would have never known i had an egg issue we could have tried naturally for years i hope your first cycle is a lucky one so you dont have to stay on this road for too long.
Shay - Great news on the fertalisation rate let us know how you go at transfer and how the rest of the embies are tracking. I hope this experimental 3dt works for you.
Nettnett - Oh i laughed when you made comment about your mood i was exactly the same.. i had public meltdowns and yelled and cried at my husband in the carpark cause he went the wrong way and then took to long to park. I was a mess - however its funny looking back now lol.. Oh i really hope this cycle works for you.
TCCC - im pretty sure that is the way my clinic work, they havnt mentioned anything ýet'about a 3dt but i would have to agree that if it makes it to day 5 its a strong one while with a day 3 i wouldnt know what happened after - i guess after a few cycles i would give a day 3 a go if none made it to 5.
mswc101 - i think i recall chatting over in the TTC#1 group with you? Oh im so sorry you have to be over here too im sorry we all do - however at least we are in GREAT company. We tried for 2 years before we even found out there was an issue so you have a little jump with finding out early. From what i understand IVF has great success rates for in getting BFP's with the male factor being the issue. It is a big rollercoaster and sometimes the men in our lives dont understand the finer emotions that come along with all of this especially discovering you need to start IVF - its not something we should have to do as women it is our right to have babies it is what we were meant to do however everyday i thank my lucky stars for the IVF clinics as they have already given me a better chance then i otherwise may of had. Unfortunatly everyone in this group is here because the DH or us is the 'broken' one however i believe the most important thing to remember in this whole process is that its you and DP against the problem not against each other. Sperm counts can change month on month as they are continuly being used and remade unlike eggs - after trying for 1 year we had tests and my DH had next to no count we went 6 weeks later and it was higher and then 3 months later and it was back to normal range and all because of a virus. So with the help of vitamins and diet sperm can change for some people however some naturally have a low count and with these IVF is a great process as the embryologist can pick out the best ones. Whatever happens you will go through tough times just remember to remain calm and stick together, its not his fault nor is it yours its just unfortunately a sh*tty situation we have all found ourselves in. I suggest talking to him and the counceller so he can understand your emotions - men are thick sometimes so they really need it spelt out. I'm thinking of you x
I hope i got everyone - sorry for the long post xx
Posted 01 May 2015 - 06:11 PM
He won't talk. There is nothing to talk about. We have a fertility problem and there us a solution to that. Ivf. So just get over yourself and do it is his thoughts. Now given he has been so good to this date on the TTC front this has really kicked me in the guts.
Soul11. Yes I was in the other group. But ppl bagged me out for being too perky about my dh being so supportive and me saying so. Guess I got my just desserts huh.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 06:29 PM
I really think you need to keep a positive approach to all this, I'm sure your partner will come around in time with the emotional stuff they just don't get it like we do and I guess that's a big part of why we are all here. Have you seen a FS about the sperm count and got opinions on next steps?
Posted 01 May 2015 - 06:34 PM
Example if text msg from dh. Text msg as he will not speak to me ....
. Deal with it if u want a kid if not then thats up to u. We knew this was a possibility. I dont need to speak to chahli about sh*t. This is what happenes when u go and over think and analise sh*t. Break it down to the basics. And no it was p*ss off not im p*ssed off. But I am certainly getting thats way again with this sh*t going and carrying on. .
Well if your choosing not to do ivf to help things along then thats your decission but it upsets me you would do what u could to have a little one with me.
What the hell do I do with this situation? How do I get through to him that I'm devo and upset and that I'm not alone in this feeling?
Posted 01 May 2015 - 06:37 PM
I haven'tsaid iI don't want to do it. Just that its not what I thought havug a baby was going to be like. He was with me at repromed and he heard from the FS what the procedure was to be. I told him I booked a counselling appointment at repromed and his response was wtf for?
Posted 01 May 2015 - 09:18 PM
Mswc, I hope things improve for you and he comes around. It will definitely take time. A counsellor sounds like a good next step, and you should definitely educate yourself on all things IVF so you understand what you are in for, should you decide to go ahead, and you can make an educated decision. Ask as many questions as you need to, and good luck. I hope your stay here is brief and successful.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 09:45 PM
Thanks TCCC and Soul11. I kinda feel our FS is pushy and just trying to get us into ivf asap. So I do want to take my time and get as much info as I can. She wants us to start immediately because EOF the medicare safety net situation also. Where as i said to hunny after the appointment I'd perhaps rather wait until the new yearthen as that gives me a bit more time to get my head around things and also financially it givrs us some time to get sorted as we have just put an offer in on another unit etc. I guess our background in ttc is 6 months of trying and prior to dh last SA his others two done through usual pathology were 19 then 17 million count wise. FS said their labs are usually the same count wise but just stricter on shape and motility. So Tuesdaystest results of 7million were a bit of a shock. My stats are plenty of eggs. Oodles in fact. But only six ffollicles per ovary where she was expecting to see 20 per ovary with my egg count. Everything else OK. Haven't had hsg done as she is sooooo ooo anti the hsg that she all but refused to do it. At the end of the day w dh count being low I wasn't going to push further for a hsg either. I do seem to ovulate every cycle. She said one thing I may be susceptible to is that over stimulating situation. Other than that and what I can read online I'm pretty much flying blind. And alone.
Posted 01 May 2015 - 11:35 PM
mswc, im sorry you are having such a hard time.
i guess first up id say that if you are not 100% happy with your FS than get a new one. it could make all the difference.
secondly has anyone suggested IUI? if your dh has sperm issues than this could help without having to go through ivf.
thirdly i would get another SA to make sure your dh wasnt ill or hadnt had a big night of alcohol in the past 3 months because that actually matters
and lastly i am not sure what state you are in but here in vic a counseling session is mandatory before ivf and it does help. they give you as much information as the nurse and answer any questions but its very comfortable and non clinical.
Edited by mrsJacko, 01 May 2015 - 11:37 PM.
Posted 02 May 2015 - 12:00 AM
Thanks Mrs jacko. I'm up in Darwin. There are only two FS up here. This one I have heard is the better of the two.... We haven't had to go through mandatory counselling but they do provide a free service so I am booked in next week. Dh won't attend with me but at least I can get some sort of support. IUI I have been told would not be suitable with such a low count with the added factor of only5% only 5% of them normal shaped as opposed to the 10% they look for in the very least. She ddid say that it can fluctuate so prob average total count is around 10-12 million. One other thing is (tmi perhaps) a lot of seminal fluid. Sample size was 7ml. So possibly diluted a bit but they only test 1ml and that's the way it is counted. His first two SA were through general pathology that the gp gave referral for. His repromed sample was done about a week after a three week holiday that wasn't really boozy or anything but I guess bad diet etc. One other factor to all this is dh has put a bit ofa time line on this getting pregnant stuff. As in wwants to be having the baby next year at the latest so if not preggas by March that's basically cut off. He was so sure that he would get the job done in the first month as he had been able to knock up two chicks before without trying. I know Tuesdays news has hit him hard as much as he won't talk about it or admit it but to stick your head in the sand and be so nasty to your wife is hardly the best move I wouldthink?anyway. Enough of me moaning lol. I'll.prob stalk this forum for a bit to get to grips with all the stuff you guys talk about and I may have to ask a question or two along the way.
Once again. Thanks to all for the warm welcome and Ihope u all can have a ssuccessful journey xoxo
Posted 02 May 2015 - 03:47 PM
Mswc good luck with everything do you mind me asking why you went to see a FS early?
Posted 02 May 2015 - 03:48 PM
Nettnet how are you finding westmead? I have an appt at RPA but have been thinking about making one at westmead aswell.
Posted 02 May 2015 - 04:23 PM
AFM well I started on the "tears of Satan" synarel several days back, day 1 I spent 30 minutes crying over the taste of it running down back of throat about an hour afterwards. By day 3 my husband has had to go out for the evening because he has likened my moods to living with a bi polar person, on ice with PMS ... I would have to agree with him. It's also triggered arthritic pain in my knees and fingers which I was warned would be the outcome of the estrogen drop on my joints. That pain also triggers my moods and depression, so fingers crossed I can work through it. So I might not get the opportunity to do a second stimulated cycle at this rate, as my husband doesn't think it's a good return for money (getting a moodly pscho wife for the IVF $$). Now I can curl up in front of the heater I might just agree with him! Good luck everybody
Nettnett if you ever have to do a down reg cycle again ask your FS about Lucrin. It's an injection so there's needles to deal with and it's more expensive but has hardly any side effects and is much easier to tolerate than Synarel.
AFM (is that right? I don't know what AFM means) anyway. Our first transfer they transferred 3day embryo's and the two that were frozen were 3days old. I did not know you could do 5 day ones. Is that a better thing to do? I was wondering if I should ask why I was not given that option. If my egg quality is not good, which is what my FS said when they took my very first blood tests should I ask if they can "grow" my little guys a bit more. At least then I would know if they were going to make it right?
Trying - The general theory is that a day 5 is the best quality embryo but some struggle to make it that far so they would rather transfer it while it's still growing and hope it attaches inside rather than have it arrest in a dish. Our clinic only ever did day 4 transfers though so they are all a bit different I guess.
mswc101 - it sucks that you're in here and I'm sorry you're having a hard time. My DH was similar but in a less mean way when we started IVF. He is a realist so his opinion was "if we want a baby, this is what we have to do to get one, so lets just do it - nothing we can do about it now". I'm not making excuses for your DH at all but it is hard for them to understand the emotional side of things. My DH was full of sympathy when I had bruises from injections, headaches from Synarel (uugghhhh) or ovary pain from the stimming but he had trouble dealing with the emotional side because it wasn't something physical he could help treat. To him it was a means to an end so to speak and we knew what was going to happen with side effects etc so lets just get on with it.
i'm not saying all men are like that, or that it's necessarily ok but when I was in pain or felt unwell DH was there, when I was emotional for no reason (except one time I was stuggling to peel a banana and burst into tears - that was pretty funny) he had a hard time dealing with it.
Even though you're both in it together as a process it is the women who struggle more by default. My advice would be to get yourself some counselling so that you are prepared, mention to them about DH and see if they can give you some tips to cope with his attitude or ways to include him. He may also be feeling embarrassed or guilty due to the MFI or the fact that he can't "get the job done". He may well still be dealing with the shock of it all and his reaction is ot lash out at you whenever you bring it up. Again, not saying that's ok at all but guys handle things like that differently to us.
Start the cycle and see how he goes. I feel weird saying it but you do get caught up with the 'excitement' of starting a cycle because it means you're doing something. He may become a lot more invested when he can see what you're going through.
Also with the FS pushing you toward IVF, when we had our first appt our FS went through all the options but said that in his opinion we'd be wasting time and money trying IUI or ovulation timing etc and that with our MFI, ICSI was the option most likely to succeed. It seems like they are pushing you a certain way but I think they generally know by now when they meet new patients what process will work best. For what it's worth we went with Repromed in Adelaide and they were great but we had a choice of more FS's.
Good luck with everything and come back here with all your questions or concerns. These ladies are great listeners and are always here for you
Sorry for the novel lol
Soul - we were on our 6th cycle and after this i was going to take a break and try to have a "normal" life for a while. DH was happy to keep paying for more cycles but I was starting to struggle with it all and didn't really think I could keep going much longer.
at the same time you have this fear in the back of your mind that you'll run out of time or eggs etc so it's hard to say when you should take a break. As others have said, if your FS is any good they'll tell you when they think you should stop for good. Or if you just want a few months off suggest that and see what they say. Again, they will say whether or not you should. We went on holidays when we first started and I wanted to wait until we got back to do the next cycle and our FS was pretty insistent that we not wait any longer than necessary, but I'm an old bag with dodgy insides lol
Posted 02 May 2015 - 04:56 PM
I've been reading a few of your posts and everyone here seems very supportive so I thought I'd join and share my story.
My DH and I have been TTC for 3 years. I have PCOS and my DH has Low Morphology. My Tubal Patency Test was normal.
Have tried Clomid 4 times.
Found out earlier this year though that I had Endometrial Hyperplasia. Had to have 2 D&C's. I was extremely depressed when I was waiting for my 2nd D&C. I had to wait 3 months between the 2 and take oral progesterone. My FS said I may have to see an oncologist if my endo lining was still thick. So for 3 months I was an emotional wreck.
I got good news after the 2nd and I am currently in my first IVF Stim Cycle. Day 6 of injections.
I have felt pretty good, a few cramps and lower back pain. Today though my stomach feels kinda full.
I had a scan yesterday and my FS was happy with the 9 follicles she could see. Another scan on Monday to see if I can start the 'orang-utan' (thats what I call it) injections.
I'm half excited, half realistic that this first time may not work.
I'm just happy that finally something is happening!!!
I have good wishes for everyone on this forum and I'm glad there are people out there supporting others.
Posted 02 May 2015 - 09:09 PM
Christmascarol: we sought investigation so soon just a. Due to my age and b. Dh has kinda put a timeline on getting pregnant as in really wants to fall and have the baby next year at the very outside (initially he wanted it all to be done this year and its like I have been 'granted' an extension. As he has two kids prior to me (tho one of them he is not 100% about and now with Tuesdays news I'm thinking biologically probably maybe not) (he never pushed for paternity test.... Blah blah don't even go there) but he thought he would get the job done 'in no time' and for me that was a step up from how he was in that he didn't want any more kids so I ram with the short timeline. Ugh. Such a sh*tty emotional mess
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