, I feel so tired already I can't imagine how I would cope having a newborn and a toddler!!
I had my DS at 37, DD at 39 and am expecting DS2 in 6 weeks at 41. Fairly closely spaced because I didn't think I had time to delay.
DS was a dreadful sleeper with reflux etc and we spent a week in Masada (they were brilliant). DD was pretty good, probably because we were better at resettling her etc from day 1. I was a zombie for 5 months with DS, with DD I was just tired all the time. But, I also went back to work part time very early as I run a business, and found it's easier to sit at your desk than to chase a toddler around so that helped too.
You don't want to risk destroying what you've already got, but I'm with BoysGalore, you only regret the ones you don't have, and with HalcyonDays and gcMelody - get your supports in place (and be ready to relax your standards) if you decide to do it. I worked out the hardest and easiest bits, I try to outsource the bits I don't like, like shopping and cleaning, and keep the bits I do like, like dropping DS at kinder. Getting Coles online doesn't cost that much if you get a delivery every 2 weeks and saves me heaps of energy. Oven meals are less tiring than stovetop ones you have to stir. Sitting down to cut veggies is less tiring. There is nothing wrong with play school as babysitter if u need to lie down for half an hour in the next room.
see if you can change ANYTHING to reduce tiredness. I agree that being so tired can have lots to do with PND ( we very nearly went there too). If you can afford it financially, you can hire help. If not, does going back to work earlier after baby arrives help (money and the 'rest' time!).
I love this!! "restored you faith in your parenting abilities" that sounds amazing! Oh but if I could have one of those babies....
Counselling went well. She said there is no way you can make it a rational decision, it has to be an emotional one, that's the bottom line. Then you make it work.
But meanwhile in an interesting development DH came back from his work trip and said he was willing to give it a go. Counsellor said make sure he is happy with the decision for himself, and not just saying it to make you happy. So I've put that to him and ball is back in his court.
Sounds like your counsellor has a lot of sense. ( I like good counsellors!) It was not rational for me to have a third but it is emotionally right.
I need a hip replacement and at the moment can't walk, haven't cooked dinner in a month or washed the floors in 3 months. Heck, I can't even pick up my keys if I drop them, but I have a very helpful 3yo for that. I have a very supportive workplace (because it's my business) and good support from family and paid sources, but I'm tired, sore and it will only get harder (hip to be done when baby is 6 months). But if I could choose again I'd still go for it, I'm too old to put it off for a couple of years. On the other hand, we used to talk about having 4. My body won't take it, we won't be doing that.
See if DH is on board to the extent that he's not going to cast blame that it got hard again, he doesn't have to think it's the best idea in the world. What I am trying to say is that doing it to make you happy is not the worst reason in the world, my own DH felt that way about having any at all. Now he talks every day about how gorgeous our 2 are together, how they have 'conversations' and interact... DS already looks out for DD and is eager to meet DS2. He even wants to be at the delivery (not going to happen).
I had my first at almost 41 and my second at 43. They're 18mo and 3yro now. I am incredibly tired. More tired than I care to admit but I ask other Mums who are younger than me and they are just as tired. Parenting can be exhausting no matter what your age I think.
If you have supports in place, then you're ahead already to where you were when you had your first. The other thing is that I didn't find having a second child to be as much of a shock or adjustment as having my first. I like that they are going to be developmentally close together and they are great buddies right now. That may change, or it may not. The only downside for me was that I thought DH would step up a bit more with the added workload. He hasn't. So essentially, I am chief maid, chef, cleaner, carer, comforter and anything else thrown into the mix. But I know it was the right decision for us to have a second child.
If you want to and your DH does too, then go for it. All the best with your decision.
My DH and I didn't want kids at all, and that's what we always said. Fast forward to 35 (after being together since early 20's) and suddenly I did. DH got used to the idea and said 'if that will make you happy'. He's now totally besotted with the kids, plays with them all weekend etc. housework- not so much. He does cook a couple times a week, we have takeaway once and at the moment something frozen and heat up, or beans on toast, or leftovers, or something my mother or sister made on the other days.
Wishing you all the best in whichever way you decide Ceevee