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Invitees and siblings

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#26 Prancer is coming

Posted 21 July 2015 - 10:54 PM

I would just put the invited kid's name on the invite and hope for the best.

I found for kinder parties, there were still some families that were in the mindset that the invite was extended for the whole family.  I don't mind if the sibling has to come if there are no other care options, but I think it is rude not to mention to the host.  I had one person that brought a sibling without warning to my party.  She was a single mum so I understood why (though not that she did not mention it) but then at her kid's party she was annoyed that unmentioned siblings were there!

I think if you are inviting the whole family of your existing friends, it seems a bit mean not to do the same for the kinder friends.  Some kinder mums are keen to get friendly and may think bringing the whole family will allow you to get to know each other better.

Edited by Spa Gonk, 22 July 2015 - 10:27 PM.

#27 6lilhillbillies

Posted 21 July 2015 - 11:14 PM

Peninsula Girl, well done! A nice smile and being firm really makes it hard for these pushy parents to chuck a tanty Posted Image Posted Image

I have 6 kids and eldest is fifteen. so I have catered, hmm, 50 family parties including anywhere from 10 to 20 kids (immediate family and two best friends kids), and 31 friends parties. Yes, I did need a calculator for that, lol.

We have had lots of home based parties as well as many outsourced parties. I never pay for siblings to attend the outsourced parties, unless we have a cancellation and I can fit them in anyway. But I love parents to bring siblings, as long as they understand that I cannot always pay for them.  I always do extra party bags for siblings. Or give them a lollypop or Freddo.

For home parties I really do not mind. We've all been in a situation where child care for our other kids is not possible, however if its me, I ask nicely about bringing another child, and like it if the party guests parents ask me, so I can do extra party bags.

The games can be a problem. If older kids attend as siblings, then they do tend to dominate and win most games. One mum always brought her older daughter for years, and for years at every party she won most games that were for kids 4 years younger than her. It frustrated the other mums, but none mentioned it.

I ended up, after the second year, making it explicit (as I had my own older kids, this was not just targeted at her) that some games were little kids only, then a couple the older kids could play. I gave them jobs like spinning the child for pin tail on the donkey, or doing the music for musical bobs. Worked well.

It's a minefield, this birthday party thing :omg:

#28 machine

Posted 29 July 2015 - 09:33 AM

Thanks everyone.  :smile:   I still haven't decided what to do.

#29 maybeonemore

Posted 10 August 2015 - 02:06 PM

For me i assume its just the kid who is invited however on many occasions ice had to take my 2 year old so generally i ask them if its ok and of course i pay for her in the activity if required.

I hate asking to bring her but im fine with having them come but obviously just not pay for them.

We are having a party at my house this weekend for DDs 6th birthday and a few people have asked to bring siblings which im fine with if they have no option.

#30 catkin

Posted 08 November 2015 - 06:23 AM

Party invitations are certainly a minefield! I've discovered over 5 years that it's impossible to predict parents' responses to what I think are perfectly culturally 'normal' situations. Now I shamelessly spell out everything, to prevent stress on the party day. Here's what I've had to deal with:

- 9yo (unknown) sibling came uninvited to 4yo Art & craft party. I let her pick a wooden item to decorate (paid by me). She and her mum picked a $48 item, and stuck with it after gentle hints from me (note: invitees got a $12 item).

-unknown toddler/baby siblings (4 of them) screamed through the paid entertainment, ruining it for invitees (and me!).

-have seen older siblings joyfully pillage the party feast and help themselves to lolly bags when my back was turned.

-about 40% of parents ignore RSVP until you hound them, around 10% never let you know. They reserve the right to bail, bring the troops or pull out on the day. Occasionally it seems to be a cultural thing (DD has a diverse kinder group- some nationalities assume RSVP is not obligatory?).

Nowadays I'm clear, firm, repetitive (and smiley) about my party expectations. I think nothing of asking for RSVP in front of others (and teachers), leading errant kids pointedly to their parents' sides at my parties or making an announcement to the group about what needs to happen. It's not in my nature to be so direct, and I am careful to be nice, but I got sick of forking out $$$ to ill-mannered ingrates and seeing my DD's little face fall at her much-anticipated party. I'm in event management and can honestly say simple kids birthdays are harder than 1000 people events with 23 suppliers to coordinate!

#31 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 08 November 2015 - 08:33 AM

 BornToLove, on 18 July 2015 - 06:26 PM, said:

I'm not keen on including the siblings of guests at parties. Even without entertainment, the costs of food, drinks and lolly bags adds up. At DDs last birthday she had 4 siblings of her guests. That's a lot in extra costs on food and lolly bags.

Stuff them they wouldn't be getting a lolly bag. I cater those for the number of guests invited, too bad for the rest that just show up.

My DD went to a 5th birthday, there easily would have been 10 extra siblings come also, a couple of younger ones but mostly older. I was talking to the mum later and she said only one parent asked if it was ok. We are having my DDs party in a couple of weeks and I am fully expecting all these extras, they can eat as I always over cater but they aren't using what we have hired for entertainment or getting a lolly bag and I will be making that clear!

Edited by ~Jodama_Feral~, 08 November 2015 - 08:34 AM.

#32 aussiespecial123

Posted 08 November 2015 - 09:04 AM

With my kids, we had a party and about 30% asked if a sibling could come due to work commitments etc. I prefer that they ask so I catered for lolly bags and food. In saying that, all said they would buy there own food and don't worry about lolly bags for siblings. I did anyway. At 6 I'm still not doing drop and run.  I don't know the parents of the kids well enough and with 30 plus other kids it is just not plausible that they could look after all the kids at all times. Most of our have been at play centres etc.

I would rather the siblings come rather that the invitee and my child missing out

#33 halcyondays

Posted 08 November 2015 - 09:17 AM

My friend had a "limited numbers due to entertainment" party, and told all parents that they were expected to "drop and run". There was some initial angst among some parents about leaving their 4/5 year olds, but I don't think anyone declined the invitation in the end.

I've been fortunate enough to have siblings attending who just played separately to the party or their parents paid for their attendance at an "entertainment venue" party, and their parents kept a very close eye to make sure sibling didn't eat all the food or hog the toys. I'm also good at enlisting the older siblings in jobs, and have a room full of toys for the younger siblings.

#34 Soontobegran

Posted 08 November 2015 - 09:19 AM

 melaine, on 08 November 2015 - 08:52 AM, said:

I wonder if some of the difference is the number of parents who work. I know the first year of school parties my children have attended have had lots of parents stay and that's been encouraged by the host - it's nice to have a chat to the parents of my children's friends because I don't see them during the week as I don't drop off or pick up.

Also, lots more parties are at venues that are further from home so dropping off, going home and then going back to pick them up becomes a bit pointless.

The last FYOS party I did, we invited his school friends only. A few asked if siblings could come for specific reasons (single parent, partner working etc) and offered to pay for the child at the venue. I put them on the guest list because that's been done for me when I've had similar issues. My eldest has been to a couple of parties this year as an uninvited guest and he's just sat and read a book while the party happened.

If a parent turns up with other children then they aren't working at that time though.
I worked, all my peers worked yet it was almost unheard of for a parent to turn up with other children and expect them to be at the party.
I think it is rude and presumptive that there is room to allow this to happen safely.
This did mean sometimes my kids missed out......I'd rather they missed out than to inconvenience someone else. Most people I knew were able to cater just for the party kids and invited numbers that they knew they could manage.

Totally different if the host says it's okay.

#35 CallMeFeral

Posted 08 November 2015 - 09:49 AM

Is it a drop-off party?
For a drop-off party I don't think it's ever assumed that siblings are invited. You can say 'drop off time' and 'pick up time' to make it clear if that's the case.

If it's not a drop off party it's harder as some parents won't have a choice, but you can state in on the invite as the PP has suggested. I don't think it's mean at all as your DD is unlikely to know those siblings - it's not the same as siblings who are family friends.

#36 Lesley225

Posted 08 November 2015 - 02:07 PM

I don't understand why parents don't drop off their kids and then leave.  Even if it's away from home and too awkward to go home why wouldn't  you just take the other children to a local park/shooing centre or other appropriate place until the finish of the party then go back.

Why do they think the party giver should offer hospitality?

#37 Natttmumm

Posted 19 November 2015 - 02:16 PM

I wouldn't leave my pre-schooler at a party especially if I don't know the parents very well. By year 1 I would.

I had my daughters 6 yr old party at home. Every child came with a parent and the parents stayed. No siblings turned up and I didn't say anything about it on the invite.

I have to admit I once brought my 18mth old along to a 4 year old party as a sibling. I figured she was a baby (sort of) so I didn't matter (I didn't mention it in the RSVP as I didn't think of it) and I paid for her to get in to the party play centre. The parents were rude to me about it - I have never done that again and I realise it was poor form on my behalf ...but I would have been welcoming if that were me.

I still to this day think that mother was rude making a deal about it but I do see I shouldn't have brought her

#38 seayork2002

Posted 19 November 2015 - 02:42 PM

If my son played with siblings and the were friends I would invite them but I would only take the child named on the invitation to party only - so if my son had a sibling and it was only my sons name on the invite no way would I take the sibling

If it was a care issue I would discuss it with the host/ess if I needed to no way would I just turn up with more children

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