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Would you have a friend as a student midwife?


26 replies to this topic

#1 Flutterby267

Posted 31 July 2015 - 02:36 AM

I'm thinking about having my friend as my student midwife. I know how hard it is for them to get the number of births they need to graduate and of course I want to help her out.

My question is: is it weird? This is my first pregnancy and I don't know what to expect. Hubby doesn't seem to mind anyway but thinks it's a bit odd that I'd have a friend looking at the business end.

What do you think?

#2 Missmarymack

Posted 31 July 2015 - 06:55 AM

I did for my second pregnancy. I was a little unsure because my husband and I had been such a good team for my first birth and I thought about just having her along for the prenatal appointments, but in the end I was happy to have her there for the birth. I wasnt worried about her there at the time and I had conveyed to her earlier that I just wanted to be left alone and she respected everything I asked. It was quite nice to have her there really.
And now we are better friends than we've ever been.

It  oviously depends on your comfort levels, I'm not usually bothered by anything when dealing with a medical professional and I just viewed her as one while we were there.

#3 axiomae

Posted 31 July 2015 - 07:21 AM

I actually had my friends as my midwife! She worked in a caseload midwifery practice which I was assigned to and randomly assigned to her. We thought about it and both hubby and I agreed that we would be super comfortable with a friend as our midwife as hopefully it would ease any fear etc in labor.

After the birth (which was awesome) she did confess she had a little bit of anxiety about the birth and if something went wrong etc... so maybe talk to your friend. I didn't even think about that from her end.

But we're better friends now than we were before. It was overall a great experience.

#4 IamtheMumma

Posted 31 July 2015 - 07:46 AM

I did and was, initially, thrilled to have her and to help her reach her numbers. But my pregnancy was very high risk and there were some chromosomal issues involved. I didn't feel I could talk about it with her. Nothing to do with her but me feeling I'd be judged by the world.

#5 mill85

Posted 31 July 2015 - 05:02 PM

I did for my first pregnancy. She was there as a support person and didn't actually do the birth. I didn't really think about the birth part as i was pretty comfortable with her (we went to uni together and traveled so had seen each other nude before!!). By the time i had my second baby she had been qualified for a few years and she ended up delivering her with another midwife.

#6 studentmiddie

Posted 27 August 2015 - 07:45 PM

I'm a student midwife and just wanted to weigh in on this- student midwives actually aren't allowed to take on their friends as follow throughs. It violates the AHPRA professional guidelines we are bound by. Technically, we are supposed to take on women we don't have a prexisting social relationship with and the professional relationship is supposed to be severed following the conclusion of postnatal care. Not all students follow these guidelines sadly, but if it was to come to the attention of their clinical superiors it could mean disciplinary action and possible expulsion. So that's definitely something worth considering if you're pondering whether or not to take on a friend as your student midwife.

#7 GoingAgain5

Posted 08 September 2015 - 12:01 PM

I was a student midwife for a number of women, one I became good friends with during her first pregnancy with resulted in her requiring a GTOP for a chromosomal disorder, I was there when she delivered at 20 weeks and this bonded us forever!  She then conceived again before I finished studying and asked me to be her student midwife again.  In that time we'd become very good friends and I consulted with her MGP Midwife who wanted me to take it on.  We all saw it as a circle being completed.  I then went on to deliver her daughter.

In SA you can take on friends as follow through's, but not family members!

#8 Guest_tia44_*

Posted 14 November 2015 - 02:54 PM

View PostGoingAgain5, on 08 September 2015 - 12:01 PM, said:

I was a student midwife for a number of women, one I became good friends with during her first pregnancy with resulted in her requiring a GTOP for a chromosomal disorder, I was there when she delivered at 20 weeks and this bonded us forever!  She then conceived again before I finished studying and asked me to be her student midwife again.  In that time we'd become very good friends and I consulted with her MGP Midwife who wanted me to take it on.  We all saw it as a circle being completed.  I then went on to deliver her daughter.

In SA you can take on friends as follow through's, but not family members!

Hi there, just came across this because I have a cousin who will definitely ask me once she finds out I'm pregnant. She is studying to become a mid wife and needs a certain number of births.

I'm in SA and was curious, are you positive you cannot take on relatives? Because I'm not sure I want her there with my first birth especially (nothing against her) so this will give me a good excuse.

She has already taken on our other cousin while pregnant so I May need to worn her, especially if expulsion can happen??

Oh and what do you mean by follow throughs?

Thanks

Edited by tia44, 14 November 2015 - 02:55 PM.


#9 Soontobegran

Posted 14 November 2015 - 03:23 PM

tia44, she is being very foolish. I understand how difficult it is to get your quota of mothers to follow but if anything happens she may find herself completely without support financially.

Midwives can not deliver family members or people they've formed social friendships within the hospital system if they follow AHPRA guidelines.
As PP have said some choose to ignore it but they also choose the possible consequences.

I would never have entered a delivery room with a friend or family member as anything other than a support person and I have had 3 decades of midwifery experience.

Edited by Soontobegran, 14 November 2015 - 03:25 PM.


#10 Guest_tia44_*

Posted 14 November 2015 - 04:25 PM

Well this is something I will definitely let her know about...sounds serious!

Hopefully she knows this already but have a funny feeling she doesn't. Considering my cousin is one of her ppl she is having to reach her number! 😬

#11 amaza

Posted 14 November 2015 - 04:40 PM

My good friend is my student midwife. She was my support with my last birth too, in an unofficial capacity because she hadn't started uni yet.

This time she offered to support me again and I accepted gratefully. I would have asked her again anyway probably. This time, no matter what, she'll be able to be in the birth so I'm very happy about that (last birth was a c/sect so she wasn't allowed in).

I'm in SA and she absolutely wouldn't be breaking any rules as she'd support me just as a friend if she wasn't allowed to have me as a follow through and she has no trouble meeting her quota either. At our first hospital appointment she was completely honest when the midwife asked how we met too.

At my first appointment she learned a few things about me that she didn't already know and now knows things that I find quite sensitive like my weight and family history. I trust her completely though or she wouldn't have been in the room with me in the first place.

So yes, I'd have my friend as a student midwife but not just any friend.

#12 Bono25

Posted 14 November 2015 - 05:16 PM

I wouldn't.  Actually the midwife who was on duty when I went in to have DS was my neighbour, who declined to do my internal, would be weird now!

#13 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 14 November 2015 - 06:53 PM

With my first child my student midwife was someone I had gone to highschool with.
I figured my vagina is nothing special and it wasnt a drama.

#14 Soontobegran

Posted 14 November 2015 - 08:23 PM

View Postamaza, on 14 November 2015 - 04:40 PM, said:

My good friend is my student midwife. She was my support with my last birth too, in an unofficial capacity because she hadn't started uni yet.

This time she offered to support me again and I accepted gratefully. I would have asked her again anyway probably. This time, no matter what, she'll be able to be in the birth so I'm very happy about that (last birth was a c/sect so she wasn't allowed in).

I'm in SA and she absolutely wouldn't be breaking any rules as she'd support me just as a friend if she wasn't allowed to have me as a follow through and she has no trouble meeting her quota either. At our first hospital appointment she was completely honest when the midwife asked how we met too.

At my first appointment she learned a few things about me that she didn't already know and now knows things that I find quite sensitive like my weight and family history. I trust her completely though or she wouldn't have been in the room with me in the first place.

So yes, I'd have my friend as a student midwife but not just any friend.


She is a support person, not your midwife so there wouldn't be any problem with her being there in any state.

#15 amaza

Posted 14 November 2015 - 09:00 PM

She is my student midwife, as stated in my first sentence.

For my last birth she was 'just' my support person. For my current pregnancy she is there as an official student midwife.

Edited by amaza, 14 November 2015 - 09:02 PM.


#16 Guest_tia44_*

Posted 15 November 2015 - 08:24 AM

View Postamaza, on 14 November 2015 - 09:00 PM, said:

She is my student midwife, as stated in my first sentence.

For my last birth she was 'just' my support person. For my current pregnancy she is there as an official student midwife.

My question was, a relation? My cousin for instance will ask to be my midwife (student)  to get her numbers up. Some women have said on here friends are fine but family is not and can get her into trouble in SA . The other midwives on here have said friends are fine, just personal choice I guess. Glad you had a great experience.

I personally don't think I want my cousin down there or in there haha if you know what I mean.

#17 amaza

Posted 15 November 2015 - 08:29 AM

I read the unisa website last night. It doesn't say that relatives aren't allowed, just that it isn't encouraged.

As a student midwife your cousin should gracefully accept any decision you make. That's a part of her training, to allow you respect and comfort. If you aren't comfortable just say no. If you are uncomfortable saying no you could say that a midwife at the hospital offered you a student and you agreed. I knoe there isn't allowed to be more than one student so if you already have one she can't be one too.

#18 chicken_bits

Posted 15 November 2015 - 08:35 AM

I had my girlfriend who is a midwife be my support person (as well as DH) for both of my births. Not weird at all. It was so lovely to have a friendly face in the room. Remember... it's their job.

#19 Soontobegran

Posted 15 November 2015 - 08:54 AM

View Postamaza, on 15 November 2015 - 08:29 AM, said:

I read the unisa website last night. It doesn't say that relatives aren't allowed, just that it isn't encouraged.

As a student midwife your cousin should gracefully accept any decision you make. That's a part of her training, to allow you respect and comfort. If you aren't comfortable just say no. If you are uncomfortable saying no you could say that a midwife at the hospital offered you a student and you agreed. I knoe there isn't allowed to be more than one student so if you already have one she can't be one too.

You need to look at the AHPRA website, it isn't a 'law' but strongly discouraged is exactly that and it is for a reason.
The only blessing with being a student there will always be someone checking their work and they will not make any decisions for you......so they are in affect a support person.

I have seen it go very badly.

Edited by Soontobegran, 15 November 2015 - 08:55 AM.


#20 Soontobegran

Posted 15 November 2015 - 08:59 AM

View Postchicken_bits, on 15 November 2015 - 08:35 AM, said:

I had my girlfriend who is a midwife be my support person (as well as DH) for both of my births. Not weird at all. It was so lovely to have a friendly face in the room. Remember... it's their job.

Having a midwife friend who is a support person is just like having any other support person. I have supported people during pregnancy and labour too but even as a registered midwife I had no power other than as a friend.
Some midwives find it very hard to step back..some don't and when they can't it can be very unsettling for some parents.


There is nothing better than having someone with you in labour who you feel comfortable with and I really encourage that and if that person happens to be a midwife or student midwife then they must also be respectful of their position.
Of course this is in the hospital system only.

Edited by Soontobegran, 15 November 2015 - 09:02 AM.


#21 amaza

Posted 15 November 2015 - 10:15 AM

Quote

You need to look at the AHPRA website, it isn't a 'law' but strongly discouraged is exactly that and it is for a reason.
The only blessing with being a student there will always be someone checking their work and they will not make any decisions for you......so they are in affect a support person.

I have seen it go very badly.

Actually, no I don't need to do anything.

I'm comfortable with my choice in her as a student midwife and she isn't doing anything that can get her expelled or even in trouble.

You're right that she won't be making any decisions for me. Nobody will be, except me of course.

#22 Guest_tia44_*

Posted 15 November 2015 - 10:36 AM

I can see the advantages and disadvantages of it, it's good to know before hand.

I spoke with my partner and he agreed with me that we don't want my cousin (student midwife) in the room. Especially with my first. But I will definately warn her & get her to look into the whole relative thing. Just incase.

Thanks for the advice ladies.

#23 Soontobegran

Posted 15 November 2015 - 10:38 AM

View Postamaza, on 15 November 2015 - 10:15 AM, said:

Actually, no I don't need to do anything.

I'm comfortable with my choice in her as a student midwife and she isn't doing anything that can get her expelled or even in trouble.

You're right that she won't be making any decisions for me. Nobody will be, except me of course.


That's fine if you don't want to check what AHPRA who is our governing body recommends as long as she is aware of the possible ramifications.
If she is willing to take them then it is hers and your business.

Sometimes medical decisions do have to be made on our behalf.

Edited by Soontobegran, 15 November 2015 - 10:38 AM.


#24 Guest_tia44_*

Posted 15 November 2015 - 10:40 AM

View Postamaza, on 15 November 2015 - 08:29 AM, said:

I read the unisa website last night. It doesn't say that relatives aren't allowed, just that it isn't encouraged.

As a student midwife your cousin should gracefully accept any decision you make. That's a part of her training, to allow you respect and comfort. If you aren't comfortable just say no. If you are uncomfortable saying no you could say that a midwife at the hospital offered you a student and you agreed. I knoe there isn't allowed to be more than one student so if you already have one she can't be one too.

Thanks amaza.

#25 WaitForMe

Posted 15 November 2015 - 11:07 AM

There is absolutely no way I would have a friend or relative, especially your first birth. It's not about them seeing your vagina, that's nothing!

I think it shows the naïvety and inexperience of a student midwife to agree to it, tbh.




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