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#1 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 02:49 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:24 AM.

#2 Riotproof

Posted 07 May 2016 - 02:53 PM


View PostAurora_Jane, on 07 May 2016 - 02:49 PM, said:

Hi everyone
This is really silly I apologise in advance but I just needed to have a vent.
My daughter started kindy this year and we've had a couple of playdates with another mum and her daughter after a lot of pushing from her.
Now I'm a friendly person who talks to everyone and try not to judge other mums as everyone is on their own journey in motherhood.
Anyway my daughter does a bit of ballet outside of school and has just started acrobats as she expressed interest in it. I'm all for extra curricular activities as I believe having interests outside school is a good thing especially for girls, to keep them focused in life. I never had that as my parents never did anything with me and once I got to high school was led astray etc.
Kindy mum approached me the other day saying she had seen me in the car driving home at the time I was coming back from acrobats, I was taken aback because who really notices other people on the road? And she said I looked it was that time of the day gazing out the window?? Ok right I thought and told her oh yes I was probably frazzled from the kids and we were on our way home from acrobats.
As soon as I said that she raised her eyebrows at me then launches into a thing about extra curricular activities and how she doesn't agree with them etc etc. I was very insulted and started to justify why my daughter did these things and I laughed it off to her saying she probably won't want to do it when she's older.
Anyway by pick up time I was absolutely fuming that she had expressed these negative comments to me. I'd had a crappy week and my son had been up the night before with 40 degree temps.
I sent her a message saying politely I was really disappointed and felt she was judging me and could she please keep her views and opinions to herself.
Ok so I should have left it I know, but I was so mad and I'm just sick to death of all these judgey other mums I've encountered in the 4 years I've had kids. My daughter is the most happy, caring, sweet little person (of course she has her moments) and I feel like I'm constantly have to defend her as people are so critical. I feel like I let these women into my house and my personal life and trust them only for them to act crazy. I just hate confrontation but was pushed too far and lost it.
My daughter isn't too fussed on her daughter as they are the complete opposite and don't really play together at kindy anyway.
The worst thing is the mum is very involved with the kindy and at the school.
I feel terrible, do I just let it go? We apologised to each other but still. Do I move my daughter to another school?
Thanks for reading.

No, you just move on like an adult.

#3 AnnBB

Posted 07 May 2016 - 02:57 PM

Do you move your daughter to another school? Because of that? Really?

No. No you don't. You get over it and move on.

#4 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 02:58 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:13 AM.

#5 MissMilla

Posted 07 May 2016 - 02:59 PM

View PostAurora_Jane, on 07 May 2016 - 02:49 PM, said:

We apologised to each other but still.

Seems like you guys worked it out? I would let it go and just not meet her outside school anymore.

#6 FeelingcLucky

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:03 PM

Just let it go.

Don't fall into the pattern of 'justifying' or defending simple decisions like doing extra curricular activities with your kids to other parents - honestly there is no need to.

Let them waffle on about their view / opinion, smile politely and then simply say "We enjoy them" and end the subject ... Coz that's really all that matters!  

Sounds like she was trying to justify why she doesn't do them or something. Who knows or cares. Some people are weird.

#7 FeralZombieMum

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:09 PM

Yeah, you definitely don't need to change schools over something as small as this. Otherwise - you'll be moving a lot over the next 13 years. :p

Sounds like you were a bit stressed/tired and the mum was perhaps making some small talk, but you took it the wrong way (easier to do when tired).

#8 But seriously

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:09 PM

Agree with all PPs. You will also need to develop a tougher skin. Even considering moving schools for such a silly reason shows that you need to develop some better coping skills

#9 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:14 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:13 AM.

#10 The Old Feral

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:16 PM

Re-read your post. You're justifying all your decisions to us! I think maybe you're a bit insecure by nature and feel like you have to get defensive if someone sees things differently.

You don't. You're the expert on the best way to raise your daughter, and it's nobody else's business. If people make different choices, or tell you they feel differently about something, if you're secure and confident in your own choices you won't view it as a personal attack and start fuming. Your friend was probably just trying to have a conversation with you and explain why extra curricular activities aren't for her.

#11 Bam1

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:18 PM

No need to move and sorry you felt judged. If it helps I'm at the end of the teen years with my older 2 and I've managed to escape most of the teen drama. I believe having interests that they started when they were young has really helped.

#12 jamesandi

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:20 PM

I found doing more activities has helped us.

#13 nicebitch

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:27 PM

I don't think the other mum was trying to offend you, just trying to justify to herself why she doesn't take her child to these things. Lack of money, lack of time, stress. Maybe she has some mummy guilt about it.

Don't pay to much attention to it.

#14 No Drama Please

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:39 PM

View PostBluestocking, on 07 May 2016 - 03:27 PM, said:

I don't think the other mum was trying to offend you, just trying to justify to herself why she doesn't take her child to these things. Lack of money, lack of time, stress. Maybe she has some mummy guilt about it.

Don't pay to much attention to it.
I agree. I've often had people going "oh I'd never send my child to daycare/after school care, I think it's such a shame the parents can't be there for them" or this that and the other, then six months down the track it's like "I really wanted to go back to work but my husband wanted me to stay home" or there's been some kind of truly sad backstory that's given them tust issues, or they just didn't believe in care outside the home.

Whatever other people do or don't do with their kids has nothing to do with you. Whatever you do or don't do with your kids has nothing to do with anyone else.

Just smile and nod and "okay" and "really?" And "mm-hmm" and after a while you'll learn which parents you can talk to honestly and which ones to be cautious about.

All the best :)

#15 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:43 PM

You're always going to have different opinions and parenting styles from others. I have a few "mummy friends" IRL and online, and we all have wildly different parenting styles. The thing that has made it work, is that we know we do what works for US and don't expect that others should be the same. If you approach it with curiosity, you can learn about other's choices without feeling like you have to defend your own.

I still sometimes feel a bit defensive, but that's largely because I'm insecure. Maybe you're a bit like me, trying to do things differently to your upbringing and some of the people around you, and feeling a bit unsteady on your feet. It can be hard when you don't have a lot of inner certainty or positive reinforcement around you. Maybe the other mum feels a bit that way too.

I reckon you scared yourself a bit with the confrontation and now you have the urge to run away! But actually I think this has provided an opportunity for you to learn and grow. And who knows, maybe you guys can still be friends.

#16 EsmeLennox

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:49 PM

Just let it go. Moving schools? That's a ridiculous thought...trust me, this will likely be the first of many times you don't agree with a school mum about something, schools are melting pots. If you start moving your child over something like this, she's gonna move schools a lot. The best thing to do is just listen to the other person, nod and smile and calmly comment that all families are different. I doubt very much whether the other mother was trying to offend you, it sounds more to me like she was just sharing her views and you've been a bit overly sensitive in your response.

#17 FloralArrangement

Posted 07 May 2016 - 03:56 PM

That's just her opinion about extra curricular activities. Pp's are right if you reacted to this by wanting to move your daughter to another school she will end up going to many many schools. Don't justify yourself to us or her. That's one I have learnt over time.

People compare and have opinions about many things in regards to parenting.

You have both apologised so be friendly and let it go.

I also think with younger children you cannot predict that they will never have extra curricular activities after school when older. When dd3 was 4 I would never have predicted that she would be on a soccer team, having many practices and winning trophies. It's a hoot.

Just wanted to comment on parents who don't believe in child care I had a friend who was like that but would hit all her friends up for free child minding all the time and never reciprocate. Drove me nuts. It was parting with money that was her issue.

#18 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:19 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:13 AM.

#19 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:23 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:13 AM.

#20 Fourteenyears

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:24 PM

Work on shrugging it off.  Your kid will come home, many times, saying 'little Johnny does xyz.  Why can't I do xyz?' And you are going to have to explain that different families do things different ways.  And it helps convince a kid of that when you believe it too.

With getting hurt/offended/upset, the best rule of thumb to get through life is to ask yourself was that person actually trying to hurt or offend you.  If the answer is no, chalk it up as an awkward conversation and move on - making an active decision not to take offence.  And if the answer is yes, then they are not a nice person and their opinion is of no value to you.

#21 annodam

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:27 PM

Your first mistake was texting her.

Don't make your second mistake by engaging with this woman.

Move on.

Now I know why I don't give a rats ass about other school mums.

#22 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:29 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:14 AM.

#23 Aurora_Jane

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:31 PM


Edited by Aurora_Jane, 08 May 2016 - 01:14 AM.

#24 teaspoon

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:37 PM

View PostAurora_Jane, on 07 May 2016 - 05:23 PM, said:

go out of my way to please others and be nice all the time, then I perhaps expect the same level of respect only to get very disappointed in others.

That way madness lies.

Just sayin'

#25 MooGuru

Posted 07 May 2016 - 05:40 PM

Oh man you are WAY over thinking this!
and I say this as someone who seriously over thinks lots of things.
At the end of the day you will never agree completely with any other parent on what the right way to do it, because no 2 children or families are the same. From cosleeping vs CIO through to after school jobs vs  concentrate on school, your whole parenting life is always going to follow different paths to someone elses.

What you need is to have confidence that the decisions you are making for your DD are the right ones for her. You don't need to justify those decisions to another parent at child care, the old lady in Woolworths or the people on EB.

Also differences in opinion don't necessarily mean judgement.

Move forward. Smile and be prepared that chances are this mother or another will stick their foot in it again one day and learn to roll your eyes as you walk away and not let it bother you again. (And when you master that feel free to get in touch and let me know how you did it so I can master it too :)

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