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MIL political opinion driving me mad


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#26 Abcde-La-A

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:21 PM

Yes, my 70 year old parents are extremely openminded and progressive, as are my PILs. So it's not a generational thing - there are bigots and progressives in every generation, although the pendulum of what is broadly accepted of course shifts over time. Frankly I think many of my peers are considerably more conservative than my parents. That scares me.

OP, that would really upset and worry me too. I think all you can do is shut down that talk as gracefully as you can, because getting into a slanging match about it is likely to rile them and potentially make them more OTT. And counter it with a lot of positive and inclusive talk and action at home. Best of luck.

#27 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:27 PM

View PostAcidulous Osprey, on 13 May 2016 - 06:01 PM, said:

No I won't calm down.

Boys get told they can't do things just as girls get told.  You need to examine your attitude and beliefs if you think this doesn't matter.

A&M I don't recognise these throw back dinosaurs with their racist and sexist and etc etc opinions either.  Even my parents in their 70's don't fit that mould.  I think for those of us in our 50's and 60's, we can remember more socially hopeful and progressive times.

Well I guess your going to have a rather stressful evening then, I hope you don't lose any sleep.

As for my attitudes, they don't need justifying to you. I never said it doesn't matter though. So get your reading glasses out.

My boys will learn respect for women and equality for all from me, their mum, who is a trailblazing female in a male dominated field and has fought her way there despite obstacles, and from my parents who will teach them everyone is equal, because my great grandfather was the first man in his field to take on a female apprentice, and has passed that attitude on to his kids

#28 JinksNewton

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:34 PM

View PostLuckyMummy1+1, on 13 May 2016 - 05:56 PM, said:

I said "not as bad" because while they might get taught some bad attitudes. At least they won't be told they can't do something just because they're a boy. Calm down people. Calm down.
"can't do things" like express emotion, look after their own children, treat women as equals or do their share of housework?
Yeah boys totally don't get told that stuff.

#29 Soontobegran

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:41 PM

View PostLuckyMummy1+1, on 13 May 2016 - 05:56 PM, said:

Calm down people. Calm down.


Ouch. :huh:

#30 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:46 PM

Don't lose any sleep over it STBG!  We need all the sleep we can get at our ages ;) :rofl:

Trailblazing female?  How old are you?  I bet you we dinosaurs can show you your predecessors.

#31 Soontobegran

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:48 PM

My dad is 90, I spent the afternoon with him and my DD1 the other day where politics and racism were topics he brought up.
My 90 year old dad is a lefty, racially tolerant man who supports gay marriage...he is also a WW2 veteran and has in the past had some horrific things to say about the Japanese as a direct result of what he saw happen to so many of his Air Force mates.
Even old folk can change their minds but you can't make them change.

Edited by Soontobegran, 13 May 2016 - 06:49 PM.


#32 Lou-bags

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:52 PM

One of the most open to change people I know is actually my FIL. We disagree on a LOT. And he likes to bait me, but after years of that I stopped biting.

If we are having a civil and respectful conversation, I have on many occasion giving him pause for thought and even changed his mind.

I admire him greatly for it, and wish I could be so open. (But it's ok, because I'm always right so I don't really need my mind changed, right? ;) )

#33 Weirdly Sane

Posted 13 May 2016 - 06:56 PM

IME the ability to change is more to do with flexibility and personality, sometimes combined with life experience, than it is to do with age alone.

OP from the sound of it your IL's views are firmly entrenched, and there's not likely to be anything you can do to reason with or change them.  On that basis I don't think it's worth your while going in with guns blazing over every comment in front of your children, but it would make sense to call them on it and  steer the conversation elsewhere when the whole family is present.

If your DH backs you, then a stern "we will tolerate your right to hold views opposite to ours provided that you respect our right to raise our children according to our own values" might be in order.

I agree with PPs that agreeing to disagree shouldn't be a get out of jail free pass for discrimination and racism.  Unfortunately IME those who hold such views are equally condemnatory of anti-discrimination legislation and therefore rather scornful and non-accepting when called on their breaches of human rights law.

#34 archyandmehitabel

Posted 13 May 2016 - 09:54 PM

View PostLou-bags, on 13 May 2016 - 06:52 PM, said:

One of the most open to change people I know is actually my FIL. We disagree on a LOT. And he likes to bait me, but after years of that I stopped biting.

If we are having a civil and respectful conversation, I have on many occasion giving him pause for thought and even changed his mind.

I admire him greatly for it, and wish I could be so open. (But it's ok, because I'm always right so I don't really need my mind changed, right? ;) )

I know, right?  It's really, really hard to admit that you DON'T have the moral high ground or balanced view, or have ignored a major factor that should have informed your opinion. It can be a bit humiliating when that knowledge whacks you in the face like a wet fish. Itt makes you shut up a bit and listen to other views.

On occasion.

When you can force yourself to do it.

Or when you hear yourself mouthing off and expounding like the person you are earbashing is your own personal TED Talk audience. :sorry:

#35 triangle

Posted 13 May 2016 - 11:20 PM

Mm, see I do tend to disagree with my IL when it comes to their bigoted views in a thinly veiled religious guise.

I know people have differing opinions, and you don't have to agree, and you aren't always right.

But about the stuff that is blatantly oppressive? Phobic? derogatory? Racist? You can bet that I will say something.

That's not a easy thing for me to do, I used to struggle a lot with speaking up for myself because I wanted to be liked. So now they don't like me anyway and I'm free to call them out on their BS.

In saying all that, I think we avoid the subjects as it gets tense.


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