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Bullying - would you get involved?

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#1 ~Bob~

Posted 24 October 2016 - 08:51 AM

My son is in year 6 and will go off to HS next year, without most of his friends. His friends are pretty horrible to each other. There's a culture of teasing, putting each other down and generally being horrible to people in his group. I've tried to encourage him to play with other kids, but he is drawn back to this group. His teachers agree, and have also tried to get him to play with other kids. They have dealt with some of the issues as they arise and become too much, but it always falls back to the same old stuff over time.

There's one boy that left the school a couple of years ago, who is relentless. They connect online in a group party when they are playing the playstation. This kid teases my son because I won't let him have GTA and COD. He excludes him from the chat and then when they let him back in, they are all laughing at him. They were going to a party together and were being driven, and all of the boys were saying that this child was going to sit next to my son and keep punching him. Apparently, he only punched him once! They saw each other at a football gala day, and the other kid came up to my son and punched him in the gut. He leaves negative comments on his videos, but then deletes them. I have some screen shots.

His mum is lovely. I haven't seen her in years, but she is lovely. I know there was an issue with her DD years ago, and when she found out that her DD was being mean to a friend, she completely reacted in the loveliest way. Made her DD go to the friends house and apologise.

Anyway, do I call the Mum and ask her to ask her DS to back off my son (in a nice tone, of course), or do I leave it alone, and hope that a new HS next year with a better group of friends fixes it up? I want to teach him resilience, but I don't want to not support him. I don't know what the balance is.

#2 Theoffice

Posted 24 October 2016 - 09:32 AM

Yes call and nip it in the bud now.

Edited by Theoffice, 24 October 2016 - 11:49 AM.

#3 literally nobody

Posted 24 October 2016 - 11:34 AM

Absolutely yes!

#4 sophiasmum

Posted 24 October 2016 - 12:05 PM

If the boy was still going to the same school I would contact the school & get them to handle it. But since he has left & you know the mum then that is your best option. Depends whether you are afraid of confrontation or not. But sounds like this mum is reasonable & receptive to negative feedback about her kids. All the best OP.

#5 *Ker*

Posted 24 October 2016 - 12:23 PM

Yes. If it was the other way and your DS was teasing him, would you want to know?

We've had a situation at school that my DS was telling me about. Apparently two other boys are teasing a SN kids and telling him to "drink bleach and kill himself" among other things. I was horrified so under the pretence of DS keeping in contact with the kid, I sent a message to his mum to tell her what was going on. DS says he hasn't told his mum.

#6 luckyducky

Posted 26 October 2016 - 07:11 PM

Yes nip it in the bud, especially as it sounds like she is lovely and would actually do something about it. Its better than letting him continue his crappy behaviour into high school if its not dealt with early on.

I had a similar incident last week with DD, the school was involved.  i spoke to the girls mum and all is perfectly fine, the girls involved have all ad up and realised that they can't get away with it, and that its not acceptable.

good luck.

#7 Yippee-Ki-Yay

Posted 26 October 2016 - 07:46 PM

I took the action of keeping my DS from any social events that would mean he mixed with a particular group of kids who would tease him and upset him (in a way that he didnt understand and so didnt recognise). The distance helped him understand how good friends behave and after he developed some nicer friendships, was able to protect himself more from these nasty kids.

Every now and then an issue might still pop up but he is better equipped to remove himself from the situation and try to handle it himself before I need to get involved (which has also happened). He has even been able to become friends with some of those kids again with new boundaries about what kind of behaviour is ok.

He recently was invited to a sleep over at a boy's house who had been bullying him for some time (this boy seems to have very little guidance and I truly think he has a good heart, but doesnt know how else to interact). While DS really did want to be included in the group, he also knew this could be a recipe for a really unpleasant situation and so we agreed he could visit after school for a while and come home for the night. DS seemed quite relieved to have me take the sleep over off the table and didnt waste much time in letting his friend know he would only be visiting a short while. He was still part of the social event, but less vulnerable.

Can your DS do some basic things to help protect himself? Blocking this boy online? Not attending some social events that put him at risk of being bullied by this boy?

#8 ~Bob~

Posted 27 October 2016 - 02:32 PM

I called her. She was so beautiful. She was mortified with what I told her and she was really embarrassed. I felt so bad for her, because my kid isn't perfect either and I know what it's like to get that kind of call.

I'm hopeful that she will have a word to him and it will stop.

He's having so much trouble at school. He came home crying asking for the day off tomorrow (totally unrelated to this other boy) I can't wait until he gets to high school. I'm hoping he matures and finds other boys that just get along and focus on having fun and not tearing each other down.

Thanks for all of the advice. I might not have called if there wasn't so many opinions that I should. I always try to support my son in advocating for himself and I don't want to jump in inappropriately. But sometimes, it is warranted.

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