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Family planning/age spacing advice

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#1 Nicecupoftea

Posted 03 November 2016 - 03:38 PM

I'm not yet an 'older' mum but I definitely will be for bub #2 and a possible #3. I am 34 with a five month old DS. Would you pack them in fast (18 months apart) or give it a bit longer? I want to give each child enough attention in their early years (and keep my sanity) but also maximise chance of healthy pregnancy. I can take up to two years maternity leave and I can take further leave for new pregnancy I think, although may have to go back for a while to qualify.

Especially interested if you grew up with siblings close together and older parents, and if you've done this yourself. I have heard many people warn about 'two under two' for example!

#2 Renovators delight

Posted 03 November 2016 - 03:43 PM

I am 43 with a 4yo, 3yo and almost 1yo. 17 and 22 month gaps.

In my experience, the smaller gap was 'easier', could have been the difference between having only 1 child or 2 though...

My mum and her sister are 14 months apart and their parents were 42 and 60 when mum was born. They survived!

Anyway I would say don't overthink it. Look to have the children you want in your family, and make the most of it.

#3 just roses

Posted 03 November 2016 - 03:52 PM

I'd say enjoy your baby now. If - when he's about a year old - you feel like you're ready, then TTC. Try to imagine you've just found out you're pregnant. Right now. Are you happy? Or terrified?

#4 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 03 November 2016 - 03:56 PM

We aimed for 2yrs gaps.

First was 22m, second was 28m.

You never know how long you will be TTC. First 2 were conceived first go each, third was 5 long cycles (my cycles are 5-12wks long).

#5 sammyv

Posted 03 November 2016 - 04:06 PM

I have 19 months between my two.  It was a bit hard at when no 2 was born but I got in a routine.

They are now 13 (nearly 14 yrs) and 15 years and I can tell you it has been a great age gap.

They get on well with each other, could do similar things at the similar times.

#6 Charli73

Posted 03 November 2016 - 04:18 PM

Mine are 15 months apart but I always wanted a smaller gap. It was hard at the start I won't deny it but they play together very well now the same games and my age I didn't want to wait and be disappointed..

#7 opethmum

Posted 03 November 2016 - 04:25 PM

I would start now to be honest and don't stop until you're sure you're complete as a family. If you umm and ahh over it, it could just pass you by.

If you are already eligible for your company's maternity leave plan then go for it.

#8 purpleblaze

Posted 03 November 2016 - 06:00 PM

I'm 42 with a 3.5 yr old, a 2 yr old and another due in Jan. I wish #3 was 18 months apart with my 2 yr old like my first 2 but it took us longer to conceive #3 and had to resort to ivf. Personally I like age gaps up to 2 years. If I'm changing nappies I want it out of the way asap, plus I think children closer in age have more in common and can have a closer relationship. Never any guarantees though. A friend of mine commented on how she underestimated the needs of older children (10 yrs old) and her 3 are all 4 years apart.

#9 just roses

Posted 03 November 2016 - 06:17 PM

View Postopethmum, on 03 November 2016 - 04:25 PM, said:

I would start now to be honest and don't stop until you're sure you're complete as a family. If you umm and ahh over it, it could just pass you by.

If you are already eligible for your company's maternity leave plan then go for it.
Actually, I would tend to agree with this.

Unless the thought of being pregnant now is horrifying to you, just ditch the birth control and see what happens.

#10 WigglyWoo

Posted 03 November 2016 - 06:36 PM

We have loved a nearly 3 year age gap, but I think if I had started having bubs later (I was 30 when DS was born), and had wanted maybe 3 I would have tried for a closer age gap.

#11 Furfeathersfleece

Posted 03 November 2016 - 06:52 PM

I would have liked an 18 month gap between each.  Unfortunately due to Hg in all pregnancies I pushed it out to roughly 2.5 year gaps to make pregnancy a little more manageable.  

#1 is 4.5 and #2 is 2 and I'm finding it a reasonable gap,  though I still would have preferred less so they had more in common.  My 2 are starting to play together and they certainly adore each other.

#12 Moulla

Posted 03 November 2016 - 07:00 PM

I have two boys 21mth apart it's been a hard slog. Youngest DS is 2.5 now so if we conceive #3 soon there will already be a minimum age gap of 3.5... I would prefer a smaller gap but I just don't have it in me, which is why I'm not pregnant now. I'm exhausted! But can't get #3 out of my head. Hopefully you will get twins for your second attempt?!

#13 Princess VFR

Posted 03 November 2016 - 07:23 PM

I'm due with no2 in a few months. I was hoping for a 2 yr age gap, but it will end up being2.5 yrs by the time no.2 is born.

Looking back, DD at 2 yrs old was a very difficult age for her. She was in between the baby age and toddler age.....so very unsettled, couldn't be reasoned with and generally didn't listen to anything we would say to her. Wasn't sleeping through or eating properly. If I had a newborn around her 2nd birthday I wouldn't have coped. As it turns out I had just fallen pregnant back then, she is a much more stable and happy toddler now, so I feel more relaxed now that she will be easier to reason with once her sister is born. Hopefully she will be toilet trained and settled in her big bed by the time we need the cot.

So based on this for no2 a slightly bigger gap may be better, it will really depend on the development and temperament of your toddler....

For no3 your life will already be chaos, so I doubt any planning will make a huge difference.

Just go for it.....whatever happens happens.

#14 Chicken Penang

Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:04 PM

I have a 23month gap. I was 33 and 35yrs old when they were born. Kids are now 3 and 5. The gap was not exactly easy but they are so close and such good friends. Interested in similar things.
Really happy with the spacing of two years.

All the best.

#15 Fright bat

Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:07 PM

I don't think you're too old. If you have nothing else happening in your life, have your kids close. I had to work around various career goal posts and mine are 2y9m then 4y5m apart. The older two are as close as any kids I've ever seen. They both adore the baby.

You kids will be mates or not depending on their personality, not their spacing. Do what's right for you.

#16 Raincloud

Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:12 PM

I had my first at 30 and then churned them all out quickly. But I knew I wanted at least 3 kids (I would have had more but DH and I separated). I have 21 months between the first 2 and then 16 months between the second two. I have really enjoyed the small age gaps.

#17 anatomicalheart

Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:18 PM

I had two under one (and later, two more).

The first six months were totally insane but I'd not change a thing now.

There's a lot to be said for close age gaps.

#18 Makalu

Posted 03 November 2016 - 08:26 PM

We aimed for a 2 year gap and am now expecting number 2 a few weeks after my sons 3rd birthday. I'd just start trying whenever you feel ready as you don't know how long it'll take.

#19 laridae

Posted 04 November 2016 - 06:38 AM

I was 31 when I has DD1 and we went for about 4 year gaps. It's been good as only one kid at daycare at a time, and I've got to enjoy each one separately. Plus the older one is quite helpful with the younger one.

#20 Bidi

Posted 08 November 2016 - 10:13 AM

Due to timing and various other factors we have about 3 to 3/12 years between our 3.  At times I would have liked them closer in age more so because I see DS2 missing some things to try and keep up with DS1 that he hero worships but they are great friends and share a room regardless of the 3y3m age gap.  And no.3 for us DD1 is nearly 3 years younger than DS2 but they are the best of friends too.  Kids will all play together regardless of age.  I think age is more a factor for the parents than the kids.  I am 4 years older than my middle sister and 5 years older than my younger sister and we are so very close.  

But I will say this is likely to change when no.1 hits puberty/teenage years.  Irrespective of the age gap teenagers just seem to despise their embarrassing siblings!!!!

#21 Green lady

Posted 11 November 2016 - 07:01 PM

Take into consideration that planned timing doesn't always work out. I have 5 years between 1 and 2 and hopefully will be 6 years between2 and 3 with 3 due in March. I'm 43 and was 32 when I had my first.

Enjoy your baby but don't leave it too long!

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