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Should we tell people about elective c-section date?
29 replies to this topic
Posted 16 December 2016 - 07:52 AM
Hi everyone, so I'm having an elective c -section and me and DH can't seem to agree about whether we tell people the date in advance.
I would prefer to not say anything to family/friends until after she is born as I would like the privacy plus it takes away the surprise element. I also don't want people thinking they can rock up straight away. i would like to send a message announcing her birth but also please contact us to arrange a time to visit as i don't want to be inundated with lots of visitors when i'm trying to learn how to breastfeed etc!!!
DH thinks it's 'rude' if we don't tell at least our family but im like it's the norm haha
So everyone can you please list what did you do and how did you go about handling people who got upset that you knew the date in advance but you didnt tell them. I can imagine we would get a few comments regarding this from his side of the family
Thanks in advance!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 07:56 AM
I knew 2 weeks beforehand that I would be induced on a particular day. We told my immediately family but not his and no other friends. Dh also had to tell his boss because his annual leave was going to be starting earlier than planned. I would have liked to have kept it a surprise but given the situation was different from the norm in a few ways we needed someone to know to help me out.
I'm with you, keep it a surprise.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:09 AM
I wouldn't tell anyone.
Even elective section dates can change. Mine ended up a week later than originally planned.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:28 AM
I wouldn't, simply because I can then choose when people will bother me.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:36 AM
If I had a do over, I wouldn't have told anyone except my mum because she was minding the kids. We told a couple of people but my then-SIL blabbed. The day before I was due to go in, I got a text from ex-FIL wishing me well. That sent me into a tailspin. I didn't want him turning up at the hospital. I didn't sleep the night before due to worry. I had begged XP to call his father and say don't come (which I ended up doing via text). I also had a couple of work friends tell me she'd told them (and others). I didn't even get to say surprise, he's here to people as they already knew.
I'd say only tell people you trust but at that stage, I trusted SIL so that is pointless advice.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:40 AM
I wouldn't tell anyone, but those impacted (i.e work). It's more stressful having people messaging you and on your case about if the baby is born, and why haven't you called them yet. are you okay?!?!?
They may not seem like that at first, but babies being born turn people into little crazies IMO.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:45 AM
No keep it to yourself. Plenty of time to make the call after, when you've had a chance to spend time together.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:48 AM
We told everyone that bub was coming out the sunroof 1 week later than we had booked in. It meant that my mum didn't worry too much and we got to tell everyone when we were ready.
It's such a special time for new parents. I'm glad we did it our way.
Good luck with the birth.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 08:54 AM
We told a few people, but that was only to deal with logistical issues such as the care of our toddler.
If I could have got away with it, I wouldnt have told anyone. After the birth I felt pressure to let everyone know as soon as possible that he was here and all was OK as you know they are waiting to hear as they knew the day it was happening. He was born at 3.16pm, and I would have preferred to wait until the next morning to let people know. But I am pretty private about things like that!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 09:00 AM
I knew the date 6 weeks in advance and we freely told anyone and everyone who asked. I didn't put much thought into it tbh though we did point out it was an "unless they decide to come 1st" situation (twins so highly likely, but didn't eventuate).
It really wasn't a problem. We got people texting us to wish us well but I appreciated that, it really didn't make me think anyone was going to rush to the hospital. No one did either, except our close family, who got the OK to come in 1st (all happen to be quite aware of how long you can wait if an emergency comes in/ your not 1st on list and the sewing up recovery time, but if not you could just point out it takes hours) no one pushed us to announce either, but when we did a few said they had been wondering (not in a why didn't you say anything way).
So I suppose it depends on whether you really want to surprise people (I can see why you might) and on your friends and family - are they the sort of people to rush in without thinking?
Posted 16 December 2016 - 09:12 AM
I knew my induction date for DS2 but we told my parents only (who looked after DS1). We then took our time sending the message out. You can't get back that first few precious hours with your newborn.
Alternatively tell your family it's a day later than planned, then let them know afterwards that they switched you last minute.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 09:32 AM
A friend of mine choose to not tell with her first, but ended up lying about it as a response to direct questions, first going with we don't know and then giving a later, false date.
People apparently were more bothered by the lying than anything else.
So for her second, she just said something like, we have a date and we are choosing not to share and we can't wait to share ours news with you once everything is ok and we've had some family time.
Everyone apparently was fine with that. So choose to share or not, just be upfront about it.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 09:36 AM
Don't tell! Once it's out, you can't control the information, and you can't fully control the behaviour of the people who know.
As the person who will be going through the birth, you should decide who is told (or not told) about the date, not your husband. He's not the one who will potentially be lying in bed, post-op, bleeding, the works, with unwanted well-wishers in his face.
Anyway, good luck with the birth, OP!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:15 AM
We told everyone but we don't have the sort of family and friends who would turn up before we gave the ok. It allowed us to plan for our DS as well.
Then I went into labour a few days early so it was a surprise anyway!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:27 AM
I wouldn't tell. You have no idea how you'll feel after the birth, or how the baby is etc so you REALLY don't want people turning up expecting cuddles and photo ops until YOU are ready. Not your husband, you. You're the one going through surgery and birth. You're the one with the hormones running rampant and learning to feed the baby.
You choose who knows and when.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:28 AM
Don't tell. The only people I told were my parents so they could look after DS. I must admit I feel great after mine and text every as soon as I was back to the ward to visit.
However after the natural delivery of DS I felt like crap and didn't tell anyone he was born for 12hrs.
What I'm trying to say is don't give away the date because you don't know how you will being feeling after.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:42 AM
We knew the date months in advance and told everyone. I didn't even give it any thought. It was a great time - everyone was excited leading up to the date and it allowed my parents/family to book leave from work etc. I was getting texts from friends and work colleagues early that morning whilst I sat nervously in my hospital bed waiting to be called down to surgery. I felt so supported!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:44 AM
After having only 1/3 elective CS on the right date, I started to call it final eviction date.
My first decided 1 week earlier than scheduled was better and my third decided 3wks earlier was better.
So we had final eviction date, but set that as day after CS was scheduled.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:46 AM
Don't tell. When I did this with my second my Mum and sister were up on the ward grabbing the baby off DP when I was still in recovery, despite me telling them to wait until that night to visit. Unless you have people who will actually take on board what your wishes are!
Edited by Mollycoddle, 16 December 2016 - 10:46 AM.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 11:16 AM
I would only tell immediate family. And only because I know both sides would respect our privacy and only visit when invited.
If you don't think your family or friends could do that, then don't tell them!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 11:19 AM
I had 2 c-sections and I didn't tell a soul either time. My DH and I agreed we wanted it to be a surprise (as a VB is).
We don't regret our decision at all.
We informed people after we had some family time. For DS1 that was about 4 hours after he was born (10am birth). For DS2 that was about 8 hours after his birth (2am birth, I went into labour 3 days before his scheduled c-section).
For DS2 ' S c-section, we had planned to tell MIL that we needed her to look after DS1 as we were having a final date night before his birth. Turns out that we were on a legitimate date and my DS1 was sleeping at hers the night I went into labour, lol :-D
Eta, I had no concerns about my privacy not being respected, we just wanted to surprise people :-)
Edited by MummyHILI, 16 December 2016 - 11:21 AM.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 11:26 AM
We didn't tell anyone the day I was being induced but because it was the last possible day it could happen, everyone knew. It caused an extra layer of anxiety as we didn't announce until about 11 that night so people were sitting around worried.
I would leave it until you and bub are safely delivered. Good luck!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 11:44 AM
I just told my parents who were looking after my other children, otherwise I wouldn't have told anyone!
Posted 16 December 2016 - 11:50 AM
I didn't want to tell anyone and my husband blurted it out a couple of times as he didn't understand my desire to keep it quiet. To me it was just a little bit of a way of keeping it a surprise - plus avoided those few unintentional but (when u are 9 months pregnant v upsetting) comments about taking the easy road etc.
I am still of the view it is nicer to keep it quiet. For me it made it more special for my husband and I. But each to their own.
Posted 16 December 2016 - 12:30 PM
We told the IL's, because they were on babysitting duty, and my family because they were 1300kms away, and some wanted to book time off to come and visit. We didn't tell anyone else because we wanted people to visit on our terms, and we still wanted the element of surprise.
SIL told everyone when she was scheduled to have my niece. She was bumped down the list and the rest of the family spent the day fielding phone calls and messages from nosey people wanting to know why noone had told them the baby was born yet, or convinced something terrible had happened. Baby had been born by this point, but because they wanted their oldest to visit first they didn't tell anyone outside of immediate family until they were ready. Some so called friends were so nasty about it, thinking they were a whole lot more important in the scheme of things than they were, and acting really hurt that they weren't the first told. It was ridiculous
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