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Unplanned 4th pregnancy and not sure we can continue
34 replies to this topic
Posted 17 January 2017 - 07:15 AM
All the best on getting good guidance and support today.
Posted 17 January 2017 - 03:09 PM
You also have the option to adopt out. You can tell others you are a gestational carrier if that makes it easier to explain.
Don't even go there! If you think termination will be hard, relinquishment of a full blooded sibling to your current children will be opening a can of worms you never knew existed.
Posted 17 January 2017 - 04:41 PM
I've had a termination. I was so mentally torn between 100% not wanting the pregnancy and feeling like a failure that it sent me loopy.
I was just over 5 weeks when I had it, and I have no regrets.
Every now and then I think about what it would've been like in terms of family dynamics, but I don't regret it at all.
I think women should feel more comfortable about talking about it.
Posted 21 January 2017 - 10:19 PM
I had a surprise 4th pregnancy nearly 8 years ago and even though it was a huge shock I could not go through a termination.
My pregnancy was going smoothly and thought I had a quiet baby until my 28 week checkup and found out she had passed away a month before.
My surprise was taken in the most cruelest way and even though she was stillborn I would not change the precious time I had with her.
I dont know the purpose of this post except to awareness that everyone doesn't always get that happy ending which has been mentioned so many times in this thread
Edited by flyingfree, 21 January 2017 - 10:20 PM.
Posted 07 February 2017 - 12:13 PM
Oh I am feeling for you - I have been in this situation before and it was the most difficult decision we have had to face, thus far in life.
My husband and I, like many of the other posts above, spoke at length about the 'what if's' and pros and cons. I was absolutely devastated when I found out. I did four pregnancy tests and couldn't believe my eyes. It was such a different feeling to when we were trying for our children years before - I almost felt guilty for feeling so sad about it. So many of my friends have struggled to conceive and the thought of terminating seemed so cruel and unfair to both the baby growing inside or me and to all those people who are so desperate to have a baby.
I spoke at length with my Dr, who was so amazing and impartial. I went ahead with a termination, as in the end I just couldn't fathom the possibility at that particular point in our lives (we had a lot of personal issues at the time) of bringing another child into the world. My husband was wonderful and supported any decision I made and ultimately it was down to me.
Do I have any regrets? Not now, but at the time I cried most days and nights and the guilt I felt was indescribable. I've not told anyone about it - not even my closest friends or family. I think for me, that is what has made it seem 'unreal'. I didn't want to talk about it, and that worked for me. Once the procedure was done the relief I felt was overwhelming, which I guess made me feel like I had made the right choice.
Good luck with your decision - and I wish I had the guts to ask for guidance or help when I was in the same situation. I was so scared people would judge me.
Posted 14 February 2017 - 01:48 AM
How are you getting on now Ginny? X
Edited by Loulla, 14 February 2017 - 01:49 AM.
Posted 03 October 2018 - 10:17 AM
I've been in this exact position - but for me, it was just the worst possible timing and we too have 101 reasons why we just couldn't make it work.
As soon as I found out, I balled my eyes out and it was such a different feeling I had the other times when we were trying to fall pregnant. At the time we were living in a tiny unit, 2 small kids and my husband was working full time plus studying part time and was never home, we had very little money and my second child was very hard work and I just couldn't work out how I would manage without driving myself to depression (I was already struggling pre pregnancy).
All I knew is I couldn't have the baby - and although I never ever thought I would terminate (have a christian upbringing which kind of drilled into me that it was never to be an option) once I was actually faced with the decision it was much harder than I thought. I honestly thought if I fell unexpectedly I would keep the baby, but once it happened - all I could think of was that I didn't want to have the baby. It was very strange. I just couldn't stop crying and the guilt was overwhelming. My husband was great and said he would do whatever I wanted.
So I went to my GP, broke down and he supported my decision to terminate. I still feel sick sometimes at the thought of it all, however I have no regrets and the relief I felt once the procedure was done was immense. The lady at the clinic told me most terminations were mums just like me - but it's so taboo that no one talks about it. I've never told anyone - just my husband knows. I just felt if I talked to my family, friends etc they would try to change my mind and I wanted to make the decision for myself.
I so feel for you - especially knowing how hard some mums have it to fall pregnant. You need to make the decision for you, in this moment in time. Sending hugs, it's not easy. xx
Posted 03 October 2018 - 10:31 AM
Given the date of the OP's post being in early 2017, I imagine any commentary for her specifically is now defunct.
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