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Lost our baby Yazmin 5 weeks ago.. so many questions...


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#1 Yazmin

Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:40 AM

Hello,
5 weeks ago we lost our baby Yazmin. I was 32 weeks at the time.
They are suspecting a placenta abruption..
so many things are going though my head right now..
This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.
Every day I still crave to hold our baby girl, constantly thinking what I did wrong. We were about to welcome within weeks .. and it was all taken away so suddenly. Loosing her has made me feel so broken and empty inside..
Iv come here for support and to find some hope in having children one day. Yazmin was our first pregnancy. Having another child (in time) seems so impossible at the moment. I feel as though nothing else can heal me.. but so scared it can happen again.

Has anyone else gone through a public high risk team, after a placenta abruption and had children afterwards? I wanted to find out what it involves compared to public.
My app with the doctors and results are not for another 6 weeks..

Thank you 💛


#2 cvbn

Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:42 AM

I have no advice but you definitely did not do anything wrong.
I am so very sorry for your loss.

#3 silver-rain

Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:49 AM

I can't answer your question, but I couldn't read and not reply. I'm so very sorry for the loss of little Yazmin, wishing you gentle days.
Fly free, precious girl :heart:

#4 Starletta

Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:51 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my first baby suddenly at 41 weeks, although not to a placental abruption so I cannot give you advice on that. I went on to have two healthy babies.

I was in a pregnancy after loss support group through the Mater and there were 2 ladies with me who both had healthy babies after a placental abruption.

This early period is such a raw time. Are you receiving support? I have a few contacts I can put you in touch with if you would like. Especially if you are in Sydney, but even if you are in another state.

Sending you love. You did absolutely nothing wrong. So many of us here know what you are going through. I so understand searching online for hope, I remember staying up all hours of the night looking for stories of pregnancy after loss x

#5 Riotproof

Posted 17 March 2017 - 09:52 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Other people will know more, but there are places you can look for support. Bears of hope and sidsnkids have support groups you might find helpful.

Be kind to yourself.

#6 Green lady

Posted 17 March 2017 - 10:51 AM

Very sorry for your loss. My second child was born at 28 weeks and survived only 3 hours.

These early days are so hard, but you will get through it. You don't get over it and I compare the loss and grief to background music - eventually it's becomes background music, always there but not dominating your every waking minute.

It certainly helped me to read on line forums about other people's stillborn and neonatal losses. I felt like I wasn't alone reading those.

I got pregnant with my next child one year after my loss and have since gone on to have a third one. Both those were stressful but I had ultrasounds every 4 weeks with both of them ( plus the regular scans with my OB) and that did provide some reassurance.

I don't know anything about going through a public high risk team as I went private.

You will be able to try to conceive in time and only you will know when that time feels right.

It's hard not to blame yourself, but you did nothing to cause it this and it's just an awful thing that happened beyond your control.

#7 LouLou86

Posted 17 March 2017 - 11:37 AM

I am so sorry for your loss xx No words will make anything feel better but do know time will help. As what the above poster said your loss will always be with you but it will begin to feel like background music.
I wasnt as far along as you but I lost twins at 5 months due to pprom (preterm premature rupture of membranes). Like you it was something completely out of my control. We went on to fall pregnant only a couple of months later and gave birth to a healthy bub. It was very quick after losing our twins but we felt there would never be a perfect time. But its timing only you and your husband can decide. I wont lie, the pregnancy was one of the hardest things I have done. I was fortunate to be very well looked after by our hospital - a public hospital. We were seen through a high risk clinic for first part until 5/6 months and only because I was ready I was then transferred to the Drs clinic but had my own Dr each week. The hospital looked after my mental health just as much as my physical pregnancy. I went in numerous times with concerns and they always took them seriously. Please feel free to PM me if you need any details - I'm in Sydney.
All I can say is be very kind to yourself. Take some time out and do whatever you need to to survive. Cry, scream, let it all out. Life can be cruel. I could never relax or visualise having a healthy baby through out the pregnancy and ppl would be telling me to get excited but I knew I just had to be strong and get to the end. Once I held our baby everything was ok and we're now loving wvery minute. We also found it was important to recognise and acknowledge our other babies in our own way. I never wanted for them to be replaced.
Sorry my post had been a bit of a ramble. I guess talking about your experience never stops helping.
Please feel free to PM if you need to chat xx

#8 c.sanders

Posted 18 March 2017 - 12:20 AM

It doesn't matter how short her time here was, she was your daughter for every one of those days and she will always be your daughter. You will always be her mum.
It's hard to think about trying to have another baby so take your time. Having another baby doesn't change or diminish Yazmin or her memory. I have a little glass teddy that symbolises to me my babies that I lost. So that I can hold them and remember.  But it's also because I have nothing of them.

#9 EsmeLennox

Posted 18 March 2017 - 12:27 AM

I am so very sorry. Go gently.

#10 daybreaker

Posted 18 March 2017 - 06:37 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

I also had a placenta abruption at 30 weeks but I was lucky that my baby survived.  I had heavy bleeding and went to the hospital with cramps that then turned into labour contractions and had the baby 6 hours later.

I later found out i had a bicornuate uterus and wondered if that contributed to it. The Doctors said it didn't and there was no cause for the abruption found. I had just visited the Blue Mountains and wondered if that contribute but was also told the altitude (only 1000m) did not.

I later went on to have 2 more babies full term without any issues.

It's hard to find reasons for abruptions. I also never smoked, drank or took drugs while pregnant so it wasn't any of those contributing factors you find online either.

In subsequent pregnancies I did have frequent ultrasounds by making sure I had a private doctor that had an ultrasound machine in his room so every time i had an appointment I could check the baby which was reassuring.  There's not really much else you can do, except also take it easy while pregnant.

Very big hugs.

#11 Yazmin

Posted 18 March 2017 - 06:47 AM

View PostStarletta, on 17 March 2017 - 09:51 AM, said:

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my first baby suddenly at 41 weeks, although not to a placental abruption so I cannot give you advice on that. I went on to have two healthy babies.

I was in a pregnancy after loss support group through the Mater and there were 2 ladies with me who both had healthy babies after a placental abruption.

This early period is such a raw time. Are you receiving support? I have a few contacts I can put you in touch with if you would like. Especially if you are in Sydney, but even if you are in another state.

Sending you love. You did absolutely nothing wrong. So many of us here know what you are going through. I so understand searching online for hope, I remember staying up all hours of the night looking for stories of pregnancy after loss x
I'm so sorry for your loss also.. hearing others have successfully pregnancies afterwards give me a world of hope.. I don't want to replace my girl. Never will, we waited so long to try and I'm now worried about our chances of having our own family. She will always be our first daughter.. I can still remember her smell and what it was like to hold her in my arms..
I do stay up every night, online searching for answers.
I plan to seek some support. I am living in melbourne. Any advise on support would be nice.
Thank you so much

View PostRiotproof, on 17 March 2017 - 09:52 AM, said:

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Other people will know more, but there are places you can look for support. Bears of hope and sidsnkids have support groups you might find helpful.

Be kind to yourself.

Thank you

#12 Yazmin

Posted 18 March 2017 - 06:55 AM

View PostGreen lady, on 17 March 2017 - 10:51 AM, said:

Very sorry for your loss. My second child was born at 28 weeks and survived only 3 hours.

These early days are so hard, but you will get through it. You don't get over it and I compare the loss and grief to background music - eventually it's becomes background music, always there but not dominating your every waking minute.

It certainly helped me to read on line forums about other people's stillborn and neonatal losses. I felt like I wasn't alone reading those.

I got pregnant with my next child one year after my loss and have since gone on to have a third one. Both those were stressful but I had ultrasounds every 4 weeks with both of them ( plus the regular scans with my OB) and that did provide some reassurance.

I don't know anything about going through a public high risk team as I went private.

You will be able to try to conceive in time and only you will know when that time feels right.

It's hard not to blame yourself, but you did nothing to cause it this and it's just an awful thing that happened beyond your control.

It's still such a shock. I have a constant ache in my chest. Always wondering who she could have been.. I named her Yazmin, after my dads favourite flower.. they are now together now I'm sure. Somewhere more beautiful then here. I find so much comfort in that..

I have been looking into private, although when I was at the hospital they did mention for any future pregnancies the high risk team will be taking care of us and it will new very closely monitored ect. I'd just like to know what it would involve I guess. Are you from Melbourne?

At the moment it's all still raw I am hoping when the time feels right we will try again. As scared as I am I want to try.

Thank you so much for your comforting reply. I have found so much comfort here.

#13 Yazmin

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:02 AM

View PostLouLou86, on 17 March 2017 - 11:37 AM, said:

I am so sorry for your loss xx No words will make anything feel better but do know time will help. As what the above poster said your loss will always be with you but it will begin to feel like background music.
I wasnt as far along as you but I lost twins at 5 months due to pprom (preterm premature rupture of membranes). Like you it was something completely out of my control. We went on to fall pregnant only a couple of months later and gave birth to a healthy bub. It was very quick after losing our twins but we felt there would never be a perfect time. But its timing only you and your husband can decide. I wont lie, the pregnancy was one of the hardest things I have done. I was fortunate to be very well looked after by our hospital - a public hospital. We were seen through a high risk clinic for first part until 5/6 months and only because I was ready I was then transferred to the Drs clinic but had my own Dr each week. The hospital looked after my mental health just as much as my physical pregnancy. I went in numerous times with concerns and they always took them seriously. Please feel free to PM me if you need any details - I'm in Sydney.
All I can say is be very kind to yourself. Take some time out and do whatever you need to to survive. Cry, scream, let it all out. Life can be cruel. I could never relax or visualise having a healthy baby through out the pregnancy and ppl would be telling me to get excited but I knew I just had to be strong and get to the end. Once I held our baby everything was ok and we're now loving wvery minute. We also found it was important to recognise and acknowledge our other babies in our own way. I never wanted for them to be replaced.
Sorry my post had been a bit of a ramble. I guess talking about your experience never stops helping.
Please feel free to PM if you need to chat xx

I'm so sorry.. before Yazmin I never knew how common all this really is. When it happened I honestly felt like I was so alone in this.. I do worry about how I will be mentally in the next pregnancy. I'm so glad to hear you were happy with the service on public high risk.

I really do hope it will become easier in time. At the moment she is all I think about. Iv only recently started loooking at her photos. She was so beautiful.

What were your twins names?

#14 Yazmin

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:09 AM

View Postc.sanders, on 18 March 2017 - 12:20 AM, said:

It doesn't matter how short her time here was, she was your daughter for every one of those days and she will always be your daughter. You will always be her mum.
It's hard to think about trying to have another baby so take your time. Having another baby doesn't change or diminish Yazmin or her memory. I have a little glass teddy that symbolises to me my babies that I lost. So that I can hold them and remember.  But it's also because I have nothing of them.

View Postc.sanders, on 18 March 2017 - 12:20 AM, said:

It doesn't matter how short her time here was, she was your daughter for every one of those days and she will always be your daughter. You will always be her mum.
It's hard to think about trying to have another baby so take your time. Having another baby doesn't change or diminish Yazmin or her memory. I have a little glass teddy that symbolises to me my babies that I lost. So that I can hold them and remember.  But it's also because I have nothing of them.

sorry for your loss.. I feel as though life after this will never be the same. I don't plan diminish her memory. I She is and always be our baby girl. We hope to give her siblings and extend our family when we feel is the right time.
Thank you for your kind reply


#15 Yazmin

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:19 AM

View Postdaybreaker, on 18 March 2017 - 06:37 AM, said:

I am so sorry for your loss.

I also had a placenta abruption at 30 weeks but I was lucky that my baby survived.  I had heavy bleeding and went to the hospital with cramps that then turned into labour contractions and had the baby 6 hours later.

I later found out i had a bicornuate uterus and wondered if that contributed to it. The Doctors said it didn't and there was no cause for the abruption found. I had just visited the Blue Mountains and wondered if that contribute but was also told the altitude (only 1000m) did not.

I later went on to have 2 more babies full term without any issues.

It's hard to find reasons for abruptions. I also never smoked, drank or took drugs while pregnant so it wasn't any of those contributing factors you find online either.

In subsequent pregnancies I did have frequent ultrasounds by making sure I had a private doctor that had an ultrasound machine in his room so every time i had an appointment I could check the baby which was reassuring.  There's not really much else you can do, except also take it easy while pregnant.

Very big hugs.


Thank you so much for replying. I'm so happy that your baby survived. Unfortunately I had not one warning sign.
i took myself to the hospital as I noticed she was moving less. We then found out she no longer had a heart beat..

So happy to hear you had successful pregnancies afterwards.

Do you mind if I private msged you?

#16 daybreaker

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:35 AM

Of course, you can ask me anything you like.

#17 possumbaby

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:36 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've not suffered a stillbirth but a close friend had a ltitle girl die from likely placental abruption at 40 weeks. She went on to have 2 more beautiful babies. The sad thing is that it is still very much a medical mystery in most cases. You did nothing wrong, you didn't fail Yazmin. It was random. Qld is about to open a dedicated stillbirth research centre. I realise that this would be of little consolation to you but it is a sign that it is getting the attention it deserves.

#18 Riotproof

Posted 18 March 2017 - 07:50 AM

View PostYazmin, on 18 March 2017 - 07:09 AM, said:



sorry for your loss.. I feel as though life after this will never be the same. I don't plan diminish her memory. I She is and always be our baby girl. We hope to give her siblings and extend our family when we feel is the right time.
Thank you for your kind reply ������

I'm sorry to tell you, that's true. Life will never be the same, but it does get easier eventually.  
My loss was earlier and the reason was eventually found out, but I do recall desperately searching for the reason why, and stories where women got their rainbow. I felt like I would never be among them, but I am.

This is an article that helped me when I was feeling dark, because it made me feel less alone. It reminds me now of how far I have come. I hope you find it helpful. http://stillstanding...-mom-first-day/
You might find stories specific to your situation on that website too.

#19 Green lady

Posted 18 March 2017 - 10:54 AM

Op I can relate  to the constant ache in your chest, I remember it. It will ease with time. Life will never be the same and you won't be the same but some good can come out of this tragedy - for me I think I am a better person as a result and appreciate everything I have and don't get bogged down with the little irrelevant things.

When you feel ready to try again, it is healing and certainly does not mean you are trying to replace Yazmin. My first child after my loss was also a girl and it never felt like she was a replacement for her sister.

I am in Brisbane and as I said I went private so had my own OB and very close monitoring for subsequent pregnancies. For you, when you are ready I would get all the facts about what exact monitoring you would get with the public high risk unit and that way you can compare with the private system.

Different things work for different people in terms of helping you cope. I went back to work about 3 weeks after I lost my daughter and the need to focus on something and be stoic in front of others helped me as it occupied my mind to an extent but that may not be right for everyone.

#20 Little boys rock

Posted 18 March 2017 - 12:18 PM

I am so sorry for your loss xxx

#21 gc_melody

Posted 18 March 2017 - 08:22 PM

I am sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say, only a random internet stranger is sending you warmth and strength and hopes it may be of some comfort. Go gently.

#22 zeldazonk

Posted 18 March 2017 - 09:17 PM

I just wanted to say I am also so sorry for your loss. Yazmin is a beautiful name xxx

#23 tiggy2

Posted 18 March 2017 - 10:44 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm going to message you an OB in melbourne you may like to consider if you decide to go private down the track - he was so sensitive and fabulous, as were his staff, and he charges very reasonably compared to others.
Sending hugs.

#24 cardamom

Posted 18 March 2017 - 10:53 PM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. Words just don't seem adequate. Be gentle with yourself xx

#25 Maree83

Posted 07 November 2017 - 02:53 PM

Hi Yazmin, I know this post is old but I am nearing my boy's anniversary and have been reading these forums as part of my own grieving process.
I lost him at 41 weeks after having what the doctors described as a boringly normal pregnancy. It's heartbreaking. Unfortunately, as you probably know by now, it doesn't get easier but you learn to live with the pain.
I now have 2 beautiful girls, after thinking that I may never have a family.  Both pregnancies were very stressful but I had a wonderful team through the public system up here in Brisbane.  They came to visit me at home, gave me a specialized doctor and I had regular scans.
I hope you have been coping, and even though my reply has been late, my thoughts are with you and your family in the lead up to Christmas.




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