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Best friend dumped me- says her hubby had a crush ,older mum so now very lonely


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#1 Pregnant@48

Posted 11 June 2017 - 09:06 PM

Hi I'm turning 50 , and feeling very lonely. Plus to make matters worse my dear friend with baby through IVF and older, like me, has dumped me, saying her husband has a crush on me !!!! I can't see it . So she says I can't come and visit anymore and if she comes to me, hides it from him !!!!!
I'm thrilled and adore my baby, but most nuns groups are a lot younger of course .as I need to make new friends with young bubs.
This is something I never thought about and now feel I'm an outsider :(
I have friends, around my age with older children , but they are married.
Its very lonely , and was wondering if anybody is in this boat ?
And I'm single too
Tried online mums groups , but facing the same issues , a lot younger than me.
I'm very interested to know if there are any older mums out there ? In my shoes ?
A few dilemmas needing advice please ?

Edited by Pregnant@48, 11 June 2017 - 09:27 PM.


#2 AdelTwins

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:00 AM

Have you tried Kindergym or baby swim lessons during school hours. You might find some older mums there on their 2nd, 3rd or 4th child that would be a similar age.

Also, once you get to school age there is a very wide variety of mums with older kids, divorced and re-married, etc.

Don't give up!

#3 Soontobegran

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:18 AM

I am sorry you are sad but to be perfectly honest I think you are best away from what sounds to be a very strange situation.
Your friend has a crap marriage if she is being told who can and can't be her friend, her DH sounds like a true d*ck.

I agree with PP. Playgroups, kids gyms, library story time etc are all places where friendships can be formed and it's true that once your child is at pre school and school there are endless chances to form friendships if that is what you are looking for.

Good luck.

#4 tiggy2

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:25 AM

That sounds very upsetting for you.
Look at playgroups and activities in your nearest wealthy suburb - might be a bit of a generalisation but I found the mum's were generally older.  Heaps of churches run playgroups - mainly music, art etc and I found they are generally very welcoming even if you don't go to church there.
Good luck.

#5 JustBeige

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:53 AM

Try your local community centre too. they are usually centered around parents with younger kids.

I feel very sorry  for your friend though.  Like STBG said, that is in no way a healthy marriage.

Try not to worry too much about the age of the parents. One of the ladies that I got on best with in mums group was 20years younger than me.

#6 born.a.girl

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:04 PM

View Posttiggy2, on 12 June 2017 - 09:25 AM, said:

That sounds very upsetting for you.
Look at playgroups and activities in your nearest wealthy suburb - might be a bit of a generalisation but I found the mum's were generally older.  Heaps of churches run playgroups - mainly music, art etc and I found they are generally very welcoming even if you don't go to church there.
Good luck.

I think it's probably true.  Might be different now with crazy real estate price changes, because my experience was 25 years ago.  The only reason we could afford to live where we did was because we'd both been earning a good income for 20 years.  I was 38 when I had my daughter.  Being able to afford to stay there was also the result of having just one.

We were a very common 'dynamic' in our circles.

#7 Phascogale

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:13 PM

There's been some good suggestions about where to find other mums.

But don't discount young mums.

When I was at uni the person I was most closest with was much older than me with 3 kids.  The youngest of whom was in late primary school and her eldest was only a year away from starting uni himself.

Even now, some of the women that I hang out with and get on really well with (at work) are 20 years older than me.  I also hang out with some that are 10 or 15 years younger too.  It's really not about age but simply interests and how you get along.

#8 Heather11

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:13 PM

Quote

Your friend has a crap marriage if she is being told who can and can't be her friend, her DH sounds like a true d*ck.

I didn't read it that the DH was stopping the friend at all.  I took it that the friend cut ties because she was concerned about the feelings  her DH had for the OP.

I agree with others in regard to joining kindergyms and library groups to find older mums.

#9 WaitForMe

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:14 PM

I'm sorry you lost your friend, OP.

Maybe focus a bit less on the age of the mums and just get yourself out there, for now. You might find some older mums eventually, and in the mean time you have some people to talk to about parenting.

#10 DJandJ

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:20 PM

Hi OP. Just wanted to say hi and you're not alone. I'm an older, not married mum and it is lonely. Good advice upthread. Hang in there. Let us know how you get on.

#11 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:25 PM

One of my best IRL mum friends is 15 years my senior. We met when our first babies were still newborns. We clicked straight away. I've recently befriended someone with a kid DD's age who is 10 years younger than me and new to the country. Don't worry too much about age, martial status or anything else and just get out there and meet people where they are at.

#12 Soontobegran

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:35 PM

View PostHeather11, on 12 June 2017 - 09:13 PM, said:

I didn't read it that the DH was stopping the friend at all.  I took it that the friend cut ties because she was concerned about the feelings  her DH had for the OP.





How else would she know he had a crush if he hadn't told her and why would she have to hide it from him when she visited the OP?
I have no doubt he is calling the shots here.

#13 Seven of Nine

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:42 PM

Yes don't discount the younger mums. One of my best friends is 20 years older than me. We met when my second child was a baby and her baby was the same age. We catch up without the kids now ;)

#14 sueratbag

Posted 12 June 2017 - 09:46 PM

Hi, sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Hope you find some new people to be friends with. The friend who dumped you sounds a bit odd......she doesn't want you to call over because she thinks her husband has a crush on you??

I agree with PPs - would it really matter if the other mums in groups were a different age? I had my two at 18 and 20, and all the others in the local mums' group were in their 30s. Then when my DDs started school I started uni - and suddenly I was 10 years older than everybody instead of 10 years younger than everybody. Very confusing! But I found good friends in all the groups.

Generally, similarity of interests is the main thing, I think. And mums of young bubs all have a lot in common, regardless of the ages of the mums! So I agree with PPs re joining mums groups, 'gymbaroo', baby swimming, etc... Meet new people, look for people you 'click' with, and keep an open mind about the age of these people. And good luck. There are great people out there, and I hope you make some good friends.

#15 Pregnant@48

Posted 18 June 2017 - 10:22 PM

Thankyou all for the encouragement and good advice ;) I don't worry about age, but some of the young mums just look a bit surprised ;))
I'm going to look at Gumbaroo ;))))
And yes my friend says she doesn't want me to come around in case hubby is home!!!! She says he just keeps on talking about me for ages after I visit !!! So she says he has a crush !!!
Oh god I really find the whole thing so uncomfortable .

#16 born.a.girl

Posted 19 June 2017 - 09:16 AM

View PostPregnant@48, on 18 June 2017 - 10:22 PM, said:

Thankyou all for the encouragement and good advice Posted Image I don't worry about age, but some of the young mums just look a bit surprised Posted Image)
I'm going to look at Gumbaroo Posted Image)))
And yes my friend says she doesn't want me to come around in case hubby is home!!!! She says he just keeps on talking about me for ages after I visit !!! So she says he has a crush !!!
Oh god I really find the whole thing so uncomfortable .


Gosh, that's really awkward for you.

Decades ago that was me in a relationship with someone who had a crush on my sister.  Asking for photos of her, bringing up her name at every opportunity, looking for ways we could all catch up (my sister was, and still is in a committed relationship).

It was pretty humiliating, so I can appreciate her wishing to avoid it.

Could you maybe have once a month/week (whatever) standing arrangements for her to meet with you at your house?  Is that possible with everyone's timetable?

#17 Pregnant@48

Posted 12 July 2017 - 10:09 PM

Yes I will suggest that to her, but she has cancelled a few times :(((
Oh well I'm not going to keep chasing her

#18 JustBeige

Posted 13 July 2017 - 05:55 AM

I have done some editing. Please use the PM system; M2M Section or the Report button to contact thr Mods team.

Please dont refer to removed content

#19 Pregnant@48

Posted 18 July 2017 - 10:54 PM

I'm not sure what m2m system is sorry
Not too good on these forums and how to use them ;(

#20 TinyTerry

Posted 19 July 2017 - 12:11 PM

Pregnant@48 I don't think JustBeige who is the moderator of this forum was directing that at you. Another member posted and she is addressing that, but it has been removed. Don't worry about it 😀




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