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What to do with one last embryo

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#1 Mummamia123

Posted 05 December 2017 - 12:08 AM

Hi there!

DH and I had to go through IVF and have been blessed with 3 healthy children boys and a girl. They are now 5, 7, 9 and I cannot for the life of me decide whether to go through and have our one last frozen embryo transferred! It may or may not work (I have a very good chance of it working!) but I just keep thinking that it’s the sibling to the children I already have. But on the other hand.. my kids are out of the baby stage and possibly too much of an age gap? I never really pictured having 4 kids but I just can’t seem to figure out what to do here... ohhh the guilt! I know we probably wouldn’t try naturally (if it could happen) but it’s this one little embryo just still always there as a reminder!

Hubby would happily try for this one (he’s 40, I’m 36). However with him being pretty busy with his career I know that I would be the main parent to do all the school runs, homework, after school activities & then juggling with a baby!??!

Any helpful opinions would be appreciated!

#2 bandbub

Posted 05 December 2017 - 04:42 AM

oh hard decision! i dont know what i would do

#3 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 05 December 2017 - 06:15 AM

I would look into donation, though probably when the youngest was much older - 10 or 15 years old or when I was over 40, 45 maybe.

There'd be an emotional cost but if I had ruled out having another go myself (and it sounds to me you haven't) this is where I'd start.

#4 mrsJacko

Posted 05 December 2017 - 06:41 AM

I donated my 2 ebmryos, I couldn't help but see them a potential children, I wasn't going to use them but I figured they deserved a chance to be born by a family who desperately wants children of their own.
Unfortunately neither one took but I still think I made the right decision.

only you can decide what to do, most clinics offer counselling, perhaps you could go and talk about your options?

#5 Mrs_greyhound

Posted 05 December 2017 - 06:45 AM

If you're still really undecided, maybe look into PGD testing your embryo. My clinic charges $700 to do one. If it's abnormal (probably 50% likely) then you don't have to make a decision.

#6 rosie28

Posted 05 December 2017 - 07:02 AM

I’d transfer if it was only one. I’m going to be facing this dilemma- we had 11 embryos. One is our son, and 10 are still frozen, our daughter having been conceived naturally. It’s unlikely we’ll use any more when we decide to go for our third, so 10 to think about. It’s a unique type of guilt!

#7 just roses

Posted 05 December 2017 - 07:18 AM

Honestly? I would transfer. It’s the ‘least guilt’ option. But you can do a compassionate type transfer, where you limit the extra interventions to make your body favourable. It that little embryo makes it, it was meant to be. Also, the age gap isn’t too great and you’re not too old. My cousin had her 4th nearly 2 years ago when her youngest was 5. That little girl is so adored. But yes, it’s not a simple thing and if it were a case of ‘should we try for a 4th’ then the answer would be no. The complication here is that the potential 4th already exists.

#8 Mummamia123

Posted 05 December 2017 - 06:52 PM

Thanks so much ladies! We’ve definitely ruled out donating them as I just couldn’t imagine going through with that. It is such a hard decision.. I’m always looking at families with 4 kids and wonder whether I could cope! The problem is i kinda see it as a child not a frozen blob... husband could go either way!!

#9 luke's mummu

Posted 05 December 2017 - 07:56 PM

We ended up deciding  to donate for medical research. Initially we had wanted to donate our 3 embryos to another couple, but eventually after a lot of thought and counselling we decided we wanted to tightly control who they went to and the contact levels we would have, and there's no guarantees in that process.

Our clinic didn't have any medical research projects going at the time, so they ended up being used for staff training, and then destroyed. Would like to think in some small way that staff training would help an infertile couple get the very best treatment possible.

#10 Reneej

Posted 07 December 2017 - 01:23 PM

def implant , I couldnt bare to let it sit there knowing I did int try , We were done having kids we have 6 already Im 38 , Our youngest is 4 oldest 15  , we cant fit anymore in anywhere but by some miracle I fell preg taking the pill which as never happened I was devastated but Im ok now and decided we are just going to make it work this baby was mean't to be , Good luck what ever you decide xx

Edited by Reneej, 07 December 2017 - 01:30 PM.

#11 ByJeepersMizPeeper

Posted 07 December 2017 - 02:06 PM

depends on a lot of things.  Do you need to upgrade the car? Have you enough rooms? The extra running around and cost of another child, especially now the ones you have are older and will cost more with school/sports/socially & getting torn between a toddler & teenagers, that is huge especially if you're doing the running around on your own.  Do you have the energy and so on!

At 36 I would have probably transferred, I was almost 40 when we had our last bub & the difference between energy etc from 36 is huge, well it was for me anyway.

We only ever had the embryos that where transferred so never got into this position & I know I would have struggled with it, whilst the process was stressful because of low numbers we where saved from this decisions.

Good luck

#12 Oriental lily

Posted 07 December 2017 - 02:33 PM

I know if I was in your position DH would deffinetly want to transfer but I would prefer to donate to research . For DH the more the merrier . I knew I was deffinetly done at 4 . Yet here I am  unexpectedly 31 Weeks pregnant at 41 years of age with number 5 with a delighted DH and me still concerned how I will cope!

#13 Mummamia123

Posted 07 December 2017 - 11:43 PM

Some interesting comments! I guess for me... we have a big enough car but 2 kids would have to share a room at some stage! My DH is pretty hands on but he has a pretty demanding job which is why I would stress (doing lots on my own!). I’m as such a massive over thinker which is so frustrating!! I know that getting rid of it would kinda make me feel like I’m ending the whole emotional ivf rollercoaster on a bit of sad note... always and forever wondering what could have been. But on the other hand... going through with it brings more pressure and uncertainty but would probably end with another blessing!!! has anyone donated / discarded and really regretted it???

#14 just roses

Posted 08 December 2017 - 06:30 AM

A lot of people donate/destroy and don’t regret it. But i’d say they’re not on the fence like you are. I hope this isn’t speaking out of turn, but all your posts suggest *you* would regret it if you didn’t give that last embryo a go. In many ways, the age gap could make things easier. But in any case, it might not even stick. Especially if you choose to not do all the drugs.

#15 anontime

Posted 10 December 2017 - 08:31 PM

We had more than one left, but I made a decision to do a single transfer, once, and now I'm pregnant. It feels like it's right for our family. I think I'd do the transfer.... I am looking forward to the age gap to have one baby to focus on, all the bigger kids at school, rather than baby, toddler, all kids home etc.

We will then donate the rest to science - that is NOT up for debate, no more for us - (we cannot legally donate to a family)

#16 EXU

Posted 11 December 2017 - 08:43 PM

After having all my children close together, I'll have an almost 8 year gap between my youngest and this one. I'm really looking forward to having a baby and no other young kids around.

My kids share a room, doesn't bother them in the slightest. I have 4 teenagers and it doesn't even bother them. In fact they've all been fighting over who's room the baby will go in.

The running around isn't an issue either, we have really busy schedule. They are pretty adaptable, especially if that is what family life is like from the word go.

#17 Mummamia123

Posted 13 December 2017 - 12:58 AM

View Postanontime, on 10 December 2017 - 08:31 PM, said:

We had more than one left, but I made a decision to do a single transfer, once, and now I'm pregnant. It feels like it's right for our family. I think I'd do the transfer.... I am looking forward to the age gap to have one baby to focus on, all the bigger kids at school, rather than baby, toddler, all kids home etc.

We will then donate the rest to science - that is NOT up for debate, no more for us - (we cannot legally donate to a family)

#18 Mummamia123

Posted 13 December 2017 - 01:00 AM

Thanks for your reply! Congratulations on ur pregnancy. Can I ask how many children you have? I’m just quietly freaking out about going from 3 to 4 if the transfer is successful!

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