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Daycare reaction - normal? UPDATED

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#26 Hollycoddle

Posted 19 February 2018 - 11:02 AM


Edited by Mollycoddle, 19 February 2018 - 11:06 AM.

#27 DaLittleEd

Posted 19 February 2018 - 01:08 PM

Oh, the photo cushion is a great idea!

#28 Jingleflea

Posted 19 February 2018 - 07:25 PM

Our playschool (3 yr old kinder) had a big tree on the wall where you put a family photo so the kids could see it every day.

#29 Helga Hufflepuff

Posted 19 February 2018 - 08:08 PM

My son was very similar. I ended up moving him to FDC where he did a lot better.

In hindsight, I wish I had listened to my gut sooner and been less worried about whether it was normal. It's quite normal for there to be a settling in period and for kids to have some separation anxiety, so well-meaning people tended to minimise my concerns, but you're the best judge of what's normal for your own child and it sounds like you feel this isn't it.

With regards to the quirks you've mentioned, I always think that it's worth investigating anything that is affecting your child's quality of life (no matter whether they're isolated quirks or part of  a bigger picture).

#30 Helga Hufflepuff

Posted 19 February 2018 - 08:11 PM

View PostDaLittleEd, on 18 February 2018 - 09:05 PM, said:

For full disclosure, I have noticed some definite sensory "peculiarites" with DD and a very strong attachment to routines (I.e. very upset if we walk a different way), not to mention a lot of food issues (textural). Which of course raises a few red flags, but as yet I haven't followed this further as I didn't think there was enough there to worry. But now I am wondering if it is something to consider.

In regards to sensory/textural issues and rigidity of routine, are there any paediatric Occupational therapists near you? If so, it might be worth seeing if you can get a referral or even making an appointment privately if you can afford it. I would still follow up with a developmental paed as PPs have suggested, but an OT may be able to help you with some strategies to help your daughter in the meantime. Our OT has been an amazing help for my son.

(Sorry for all the edits, I can't figure out how to post properly on my phone.)

Edited by Helga Hufflepuff, 19 February 2018 - 08:18 PM.

#31 DaLittleEd

Posted 19 February 2018 - 11:00 PM

^^ thanks, I will definitely look into an OT.

#32 DaLittleEd

Posted 25 February 2018 - 02:08 PM


Edited by DaLittleEd, 01 April 2018 - 11:25 PM.

#33 Helga Hufflepuff

Posted 25 February 2018 - 08:13 PM

View PostDaLittleEd, on 25 February 2018 - 02:08 PM, said:

Just a quick update.

Thanks for everyone's advice. We have implemented a photo planner which seems useful, DD gets it. Daycare did up a photo book too.

Unfortunately, DD's second week of daycare was similar to the first. Once again impacts outside of daycare time were extreme, she does not want to leave the house. And when we try and take her out to places she normally enjoys she becomes very distressed and just cries for home. We have decided to pull her out of care and look at other options. I will also follow up with the GP to see about referral to a psych.

I'm sorry things didn't improve. It sounds like you made the right decision for your daughter and I hope she's back to her happy self soon.

#34 No Drama Please

Posted 25 February 2018 - 08:19 PM

You poor things,we had the same issues with DS and lack of drinking fluids was why we ended up having to take him out. We ended up in a really small daycare but like a family daycare.

One of the carers completely adored him and used to carry him everywhere (I know that’s not possible normally) but it was a completely different experience. So a smaller place really worked for him.

I also wanted to say that he’s at school now and had absolutely no issues, even from first day. I know you are probably not even worrying but at the time it did weight heavily on my mind that school would be very stressful but it was actually zero dramas.

Best of luck with everything.

#35 Freddie'sMum

Posted 25 February 2018 - 08:47 PM

The very first daycare that I got offered a place for DD#1 - I took her to and I absolutely hated it.  She didn't settle and the woman running the place just wasn't warm and friendly.  So I took DD#1 out and found a much nicer place.

You made the right decision OP.  Always trust your instincts about your kids and who cares for them.

#36 DaLittleEd

Posted 25 February 2018 - 08:53 PM

Thanks for the support.

We are going to spend some time just trying to get DD ready for care, and look at working with an OT. Then hopefully down the track find a smaller centre or FDC better suited.

Edited by DaLittleEd, 01 April 2018 - 11:26 PM.

#37 Sancti-claws

Posted 25 February 2018 - 08:56 PM

I am so sorry that this has happened for your family OP.

I had to go to work when DD was 7 months old and DH was unable to care for her full time (disability issues) - we started with FDC but she ended up being "expelled" as she cried the whole time - we did her a photo and she sat and wept with the photos - it was quite traumatic for all involved.

We then moved to a nearby centre and because there were enough arms to hold her until she settled and possibly because they had a strong routine, she settled a fair bit better - it really wasn't until she was in the toddler room with an awesome carer that we could relax (unfortunately we didn't have a whole heap of options other than me working and her in care - DH couldn't move without extreme pain)

We also ended up seeing an OT with DD because of her sensitivities and occasional extreme behaviour - she was incredibly shy and had issues with noise and sudden change - oh, and will not try ANYTHING unless she is going to be perfect, so Prep was not a great adventure to embark on DESPITE her having half a dozen kids she knew from care.

One book that we read (when she was 5) helped her a fair bit (and might be one to contemplate as she gets older if she has similar issues) was The Panicosaurus - for us as much as for her - and we also got some good techniques that helped.

She is now in Grade 3 and loves school - still requires walking all the way to class and only just staying in her own bed all night, but we are having wins (for a view from the other side)

#38 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 February 2018 - 10:20 PM

You’ve absolutely made the right call on this. Hopefully she gets her confidence back soon.

#39 DaLittleEd

Posted 25 February 2018 - 10:38 PM

View Post22Fruitmincepies, on 25 February 2018 - 10:20 PM, said:

Hopefully she gets her confidence back soon.

Hopefully. Can't help but feel like I have damaged DD somewhat by just attempting daycare :no2: Parenting guilt - the gift that keeps giving....

#40 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 February 2018 - 10:50 PM

Kids are pretty resilient, although it might take a while. You also now know that there are things you need to work on. I don’t think you need to feel any guilt, you responded to her needs.

Plus she comes from a house with lots of purple circles, she’s a lucky kid ;)

#41 mumto4boys

Posted 25 February 2018 - 11:02 PM

View PostDaLittleEd, on 25 February 2018 - 10:38 PM, said:

Hopefully. Can't help but feel like I have damaged DD somewhat by just attempting daycare :no2: Parenting guilt - the gift that keeps giving....

Please don't beat yourself up over this. Sometimes settling in is hard, but it is worth working on. All children react differently and while you may have had a DD with some extreme reactions, you've also done your best in dealing with those.

It would be easy to just give up and stay home ( if the reality of work equalling pay and job satisfaction didn't exist), but long term, that's not the answer either.

I've been teaching for 34 years and only once saw a child who had never, ever, spent more than half an hour away from mum, and that half hour was with Grandma. The trauma that caused as she started school was also something I won't forget.

So working or not, we guide our children to understand that we can't always be there, but we go about it in a way to help them feel supported.

That's what you're doing and will continue to do, to help her gain that little bit of independence from you, in a way that helps her to still feel safe.

Please don't feel guilty, because the end goal is worth it.

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