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Meeting other mums - advice needed


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#1 Lady_Bacon

Posted 26 April 2018 - 12:34 PM

I am a FTM to a 3 month old and am 40 years old. I love my son dearly but am finding the days can drag on and are lonely just me and him the majority of the time. This has been a knock to my self esteem and has made me irritable towards my husband (who is an amazing dad and husband). The problem is it’s not like I haven’t been trying to meet people however I have yet to really click with anyone and the majority of my fiends don’t have kids so really would love to make some other Mum friends. I am 40 and have been quite career driven, I love my son but I do miss work also. I would love any tips from other mums on how to meet mums so far I have tried:
*parenting class at the hospital - we all keep in touch however i haven’t seen any bonds really develop - everyone is younger than me
*mothers group - I still meet with these mums but I don’t feel I have much in common with most of the ones who continue to meet (again all a lot younger)
* I have tried mush but found was mostly younger mums from areas not close to mine
* I have gone to a local meet up organised by a Mum in my suburb and got along with 2 of the mums there however the Mum who organised hasn’t set up anything else or if she has I have not been included.
* I go to local breastfeeding classes

I  am also going to try the library for story telling and my local playgroups once he is a bit older

Any other suggestions? I don’t want to feel this lonely for the next 9 months but am a loss as to what else I can try?

#2 itsallnew

Posted 26 April 2018 - 12:41 PM

Were you in a Due In group on here? I’ve met up with someone else from my group.

#3 magic_marker

Posted 26 April 2018 - 12:47 PM

Story time and Playgroups aren't necessarily for older children. You could join now.

#4 Sentient Puddle

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:03 PM

You said you got along with 2 of the other Mums at the meet up - do you have their numbers?  If so - why not invite them to your place or out for a coffee?  I didn't find my tribe with other Mums till I went to a random playgroup.  I found my now best friend and my DS found his.  I didn't really click with any of the Mums from my Mother's Group - they were all really nice women but just not really into the same things as me.  I just had to keep looking and then when I found a person who I realised was into the same things as me (basis for all good friendships) I made an effort to make a catch up time outside of the playgroup.  Good luck

#5 Jenflea

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:20 PM

You mention that you are older than other mums a bit.
Why does that matter? You've all got the same issues with relationships and parenting no matter how old you are.

My 'mum friends' are from their late 20's to their late 40's but we're all dealing with similar stuff. Age has little to do with our friendship.

But to be brutally honest, i didn't get real friends until DD was at preschool. My previous friends lost interest and I struggled to make new friends until DD started preschool. Now we've got an amazing tribe of mums that have all been friends for 3 or 4 years.
I do have social anxiety and am an introvert though!

#6 Babetty

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:25 PM

I found the days dragged when I had my first child too. It's ok just to find people to spend time with - you don't need to have that click of friendship.

With my mother's group I felt a bit the odd one out sometimes, but I still enjoyed their company,  and it got me out of the house!

#7 Soontobegran

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:33 PM

I was going to say that age should not mean too much when it comes to having a connection with each other but it does take some work.
You don't always click immediately but in the long term you might be surprised what you can offer each other.
I would attempt a mother's group situation again and go with an open mind. Of course you may find after some time that there really is nothing you have in common but it would be unusual if there are many mums.

I am 20 years older you, I had a wonderful mother's group when mine were young.....on paper you'd not have thought we all had anything in common but here we are 35 years later still doing lunch every month.

I also have many friends who are your age and younger...met through EB  and I honestly do not feel the age gap at all....I am sure they don't either. We meet as often as we can which is difficult as we are scattered in different states.

Lots of luck, I certainly understand the need for stimulation that does not involve baby.

#8 PuddingandPies

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:43 PM

Hey OP - I’m in a similar boat.  DS is 6 months and we’ve just come over to another country for 9-12 months.  So, except online and Facetime, I don’t have any support network.

In addition to what you’ve done, I also:
*tried PEANUT (very similar to Mush...I don’t think it’s available in Aus though)
*Mum and Baby exercise class
*Jamboree style classes in the city
*Coffee or lunch alone
*Mum and Baby session at the cinema

With the city and coffee/lunches I just need to get out of the house. And with a baby I find people just start up a conversation so I get some adult interaction.

However, it has been a month here and out of all of this I’ve made one Mum friend I meet with weekly. Not a great network.  Which is why I empathise with you. So I’m with you on this in spirit :)

Please update this discussion to let us know what you find works 🙂

#9 Gudrun

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:45 PM

I'm no expert but I see friends as something that happens rather than something to seek. In your situation the seek would be adult company that you get on with.

I agree with a PP that just getting out of the house when you're stuck with a baby is helpful.

I also would not be hung up on age or gender or parent status.

And time will pass and your son will get older and things will just change.

Edited by Gudrun, 26 April 2018 - 01:48 PM.


#10 Lady_Bacon

Posted 26 April 2018 - 01:51 PM

Thanks everyone - your right the age shouldn’t be an issue and it isn’t I guess I am classifying if that way jams tgar the difference between me and the group, but I just don’t have anything in common with them. I am open to meeting friends younger or older as this is reflected in my non mummy friendships
I will keep going to my mothers group as it gets me out of the house. Maybe I should go to the playgroup earlier than planned I wasn’t sure if he should go before his 6 month vaccines.
Appreciate Everyone’s suggestions!

#11 mrsJacko

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:03 PM

My Due in group from EB have been absolutely amazing, if you weren't in the group maybe you can still find them if you search in the old threads?

If your son is 3 months then I am guessing a January baby?
here the link http://www.essential...e-january-2018/

#12 Daffy2016

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:24 PM

Oh, I hear you OP.

I went back to work when DD was nearly 5 months and you couldn’t have held me back from getting out that door and into the office! I love her dearly but I was so bored and lonely, despite mothers group and similar.

DH is now home with DD and he finds the same thing. It’s hard work!

Where are you located? Maybe some ebers would like to meet up?

#13 Etta

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:29 PM

You could ask your MCHN if there is a group that you could join? She may know of one for older mothers - or she may know some older mothers who have slightly older babies but who you may have more in common with.

I hooked up with a few mothers from a slightly earlier group - they had organised open walk/coffee dates so I went along and had more in common with them than my own group.

While age doesn't have to matter it sometimes does. Also sometimes a different age group may already know each other or have other friends in common so you may not feel part of this.

One mum came along to playgroup with her 6mo as she was going back to work at 12 months and wanted to make connections. Her partner then came along to playgroup when she went back to work but she had made good connections.

#14 1977

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:33 PM

Hi i started going to play group when my son was 3 months old. He was fine. Go to play group now . If you look on your states play group web site  and maybe call them , they will help you find a group near you . And one that suits you

#15 Lady_Bacon

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:48 PM

View PostSuperMombie3, on 26 April 2018 - 01:55 PM, said:

If you're on fb you could search mama tribe or 'your city' mama tribe , they've got various area groups across Australian might be one near you.  If you're in act and on fb you can pm me and Ill send you a few more local groups.  All designed for mums to make friends.
Thanks I will try that!

#16 Lady_Bacon

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:55 PM

View PostDaffy2016, on 26 April 2018 - 02:24 PM, said:

Oh, I hear you OP.

I went back to work when DD was nearly 5 months and you couldn’t have held me back from getting out that door and into the office! I love her dearly but I was so bored and lonely, despite mothers group and similar.

DH is now home with DD and he finds the same thing. It’s hard work!

Where are you located? Maybe some ebers would like to meet up?
I am glad I am not the only one! My DH is also taking time out to stay home with DS once I go back to work, I often wonder how he will handle it
I am in Sydney

#17 Lady_Bacon

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:57 PM

View PostEtta, on 26 April 2018 - 02:29 PM, said:

You could ask your MCHN if there is a group that you could join? She may know of one for older mothers - or she may know some older mothers who have slightly older babies but who you may have more in common with.

I hooked up with a few mothers from a slightly earlier group - they had organised open walk/coffee dates so I went along and had more in common with them than my own group.

While age doesn't have to matter it sometimes does. Also sometimes a different age group may already know each other or have other friends in common so you may not feel part of this.

One mum came along to playgroup with her 6mo as she was going back to work at 12 months and wanted to make connections. Her partner then came along to playgroup when she went back to work but she had made good connections.
I might try that although the other groups struggled so some of the people in the other groups were put in ours

#18 Elsegundo

Posted 26 April 2018 - 02:59 PM

I agree go to playgroup. Most people are happy to have a chat and understand about the ups and downs. Very supportive environment from my experience. Also I felt very different to others in my mothers group but over time we formed bonds over common problems. You could try inviting one or two to your place or a kid friendly cafe and see what happens.

#19 Babetty

Posted 26 April 2018 - 03:29 PM

I struggled more with being at home with a baby and feeling lonely, and not being in control like I was at work - and that's why I didn't click with my mother's group at first, as most of them didn't struggle with a massive shift in identity like I did - I was more career oriented, one of the first to return to work etc. However as our kids got older we had more "mum" stuff in common and we were still catching up until our sons started school. Then life got too busy!

So while I didn't make new best friends, I did make "friends for a season". Now that kids are at school, I'm making new and different "friends for a season".




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