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Daycare/Kinder/school pain

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#26 oh.one.eight

Posted 02 June 2018 - 05:27 PM

Send him the year he turns 6. I wouldn’t send him next year. I wouldn’t send any kid before the year they turn 6 personally and find other ways to extend him at home or kinder

#27 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 02 June 2018 - 05:31 PM

View PostLintu, on 02 June 2018 - 05:14 PM, said:

Thank you to all who have offered genuine advice and their experiences towards this. The mention of the wobble cussion or fidget toy was especially helpful and I will be asking daycare if they would be happy with him trying one. I will look in to an OT with them too.

For those who I may have offended with thing I have posted, I am extremely sorry, it was not my intention at all, I was basing it on the children that I know got moved up just because they were a couple of months older than DS.

For those saying that the audiologist would have been useless, it was reccomended by daycare as first port of call, therefore we did it. We just went with what they told us to do. If I'm a bad parent for doing as they asked and working with them, so be it.

The ones saying "good, he can't do his books" I'm not forcing the daycare to make him do them, not once did I say that. The handful of times he has asked me and taken them in its been during free play in the morning and hes been sat on the mat or at the table enthusiastically talking to his classmates about it, with a carer sat there smiling watching them (hell, if they want to photocopying the pages for use with the kids for a different task I'd say go for it!) If it was a problem they know they can tell me and I would tell him he couldn't take them.

For those of you who felt like attacking an unsure first time mother with no knowledge of Australian schooling for asking for advice thinking I was showing off and my son is 'exceptional' yeah, I never said that, I said he was a smart cookie, no where near 'exceptional', and this isn't just based of what I've seen, it's based on what his carers have told me in his time at being there. So well done you guys, you've made this mum not want to ask for advice from here ever again. *slow clap*

I’m sorry you had that experience but just ignore the haters. You will find EB is mostly a decent informative, helpful community but sometimes it can be a sh*t show like anywhere in the world.

I hope it works out for you and your DS, sounds like you have his best interests at heart.

#28 Smoo

Posted 02 June 2018 - 06:44 PM

You've mentioned he's very bright, is there any chance that he's gifted? Overexcitabilities can be misdiagnosed as ADHD have a look at http://sengifted.org...who-are-gifted/

If he is gifted holding him back would be extremely bad for him. From personal experience if he is you'll need to pay for the testing to back your feelings

#29 Babetty

Posted 02 June 2018 - 07:51 PM

Just to echo what a PP said but it got a bit lost - I'd encourage you to talk to the school you're thinking of sending him to and seek their advice. Different schools seem to have different expectations in what they expect when kids start prep, so any sort of readiness advice they can give would be useful.

#30 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 02 June 2018 - 08:40 PM

My second child is gifted. He is currently in FYOS/preprimary (WA) and is doing year 4 maths with me at home (on his own volition, he has always loved maths)
Socially he needs to sit in prep and learn how to play with other kids and how to listen to the teacher.

My oldest was also assessed as gifted, but in year 3 she has leveled off with the rest of her class (she is the youngest in the class but keeps up with those 11 mo older)

I think the play side is so important. We read together and play games but Im not a fan of ‘book learning’ for the little ones.

#31 harryhoo

Posted 02 June 2018 - 09:02 PM

My DS is a February birthday and was similar at 4 years. Main difference that he could do the whole alphabet but only counted to 10. Academically we could have started him at turning 5, but his resilience and concentration needed to be worked on. His preschool teacher was amazing and made sure the children doing preschool again were extended and never bored. That extra year at preschool has made a world of difference in his confidence in the classroom, approaching teachers and navigating the school yard. Boys brains generally aren't wired for long amounts of sitting still at 4 or even 5! And they can end up.being so focussed on trying to sit still that they miss what the teacher is saying. DS complained about the amount of sitting they need to do in class in the first week of school! If the childcare is decent and you are doing things at home with him (not just flash cards or memory games, but lots of role play and imaginative games) then another year in the preschool program could be a real benefit.

#32 lizzzard

Posted 02 June 2018 - 09:04 PM

OP I know its hard because you really want to do the right thing but try to relax. School readiness really isn't anything to do with intelligence or academic ability. Listen to the preschool's advice and really consider it.

#33 Cheesy Sanga

Posted 02 June 2018 - 09:46 PM

What school are you going to? Public or private? Public schools may not allow you to start early/late. Private schools may have more flexibility. Perhaps go to the school and discuss with them?

#34 ERipley

Posted 05 June 2018 - 01:23 PM

Have you considered moving him to a Montessori? DS was reading independently at 3 years of age. He had a lot of knowledge and was bored by the kids around him. He would try to talk to them and get nothing back. His kinder saw this as his problem and decided he must (of course) be on the spectrum, because how else could he be so smart yet not sociable? 🙄

They called in a field officer and she said his peer group is not as the kindergarten. I asked her what she meant and she said he was too advanced to be there.

I took him to his paediatrician who said he is not on the spectrum, but is just unhappy there as he gets his personal rewards through learning, not through socialising. Her advice was to find a kindergarten that was not play-based and to find a primary school with an academic focus.

Stupidly, I thought he only had one more year of kinder so I would advise the teachers what to do, and hope for the best. His teachers were utterly useless, and actually flagged it to me as a problem that he likes doing puzzles. He totally shut down there as he could sense they thought he was different and he was bored and scared.

We moved him to Montessori and the change has been incredible. He is still scared of other children as he had such a bad experience, but he is starting to come out of his shell. His teacher is sending him home with readers and said he shows exceptional mathematical abilities, something his old kinder wouldn’t have even noticed. They’re concentrating on social skills and writing. He’s gone from ignoring or running away from other children to engaging them in conversation, trying to read to them in the park etc.

He absolutely has a long way to go to undo all the damage that has been done, but my advice to you would be to go with your gut. Maybe take him to a paediatrician to figure out whether there is anything really wrong. I think if he’s very sociable outside kinder but shuts down there, the problem is with the kinder.

Admittedly I had a very bad experience (one of the educators at Montessori said I have grounds to make an official complaint) but I certainly noticed a lot of teachers blaming parents and kids if things didn’t run smoothly. Several of the mums I talked to were told their children had “emotional problems” or were immature and so on. I knew these kids outside that setting and they just seemed like normal 4 year olds to me.

#35 ERipley

Posted 05 June 2018 - 01:28 PM

Smoo, that’s interesting. Did you have a hard time with teachers because your child was gifted? I’m thinking about getting DS assessed just so I can give them a piece of paper and avoid trouble in the future. I do not know why people see a bright, independent, excited-to-learn child as a problem, but there you have it.

#36 MrsLexiK

Posted 05 June 2018 - 02:26 PM

The thing is any good kinder teacher/elc teacher/pre school teacher will support a child who wants to learn. I know where my son is they do this, they don’t sit down and do working sheets or practise writing or anything formally but if a child wants to do that they do. All the kinders I have toured in our area do this.

I don’t mean to be harsh but from what the OP is saying her child’s acedemic skills are not on the gifted side, they are on the average side for his age. Probably at the higher end of average but nothing in that strikes me as exceptional for a child of that age.

#37 AllyK81

Posted 05 June 2018 - 02:47 PM

OP, definitely liaise with his school and get some more advice. It may be that he needs another year of kindergarten.

I echo PP in that my DS at 4 is doing all of the things you describe and he can sit still and certainly isn't bored. He is also at a play based centre. If I sent him with work books no way would he do them - he would be too busy playing! DS will be starting school next year.

We do some maths and reading stuff at home if he is interested.

Friends of ours were going to send their DS to school next year. I cannot comment on his 'academic' knowledge but behavioral wise he is SO clearly not ready. It was obvious even to me. The kinder pulled his parents aside a couple of months ago and they have decided to hold him back.

Asking 4 year olds to sit still is a big ask and some kids are just not ready for it.

#38 TobiasFLK

Posted 05 June 2018 - 03:14 PM

I think the expectations for young children to sit still and listen are ridiculous.  It is only recently in schooling history we expect children to sit indoors for such long periods of time. Not all are mentally ready to do so.

OP he sounds like my youngest. He struggled during kindy and FYOS because he couldn't sit still and didn't seem to be listening. My fears were unfounded - he was (and still is) academically advanced and still thriving as a 10 year old.

Things turned around for him when he had a male teacher in year 1 who was very into play based learning. Lots of outdoor opportunities, even during cold/wet months. This did wonders for DS. He simply needed lots of physical movement at 4-5.

Personally if this is just preschool/kindy observations, I'd go ahead with FYOS. If still an issue the following year I'd reassess options.

#39 Luci

Posted 05 June 2018 - 04:25 PM

OP I can understand that you feel as though your DS is ready for the next stage of learning. However as PP's have mentioned, emotional / social readiness is more important.

It sounds like your DS has a decent grasp of the basic skills ie counting. Personally I would not worry too much about extending those skills anymore at the moment.  This is what I would do:

Enrol him in school (can change your mind later)
Speak with the school and see if they can make any suggestions with regards to gauging school readiness and skills to work on.
Work with his preschool staff to try to improve his listening / concentration / social skills.
Seek professional advice from an OT.

Good luck

#40 nom_de_plume

Posted 05 June 2018 - 05:08 PM

View PostSmoo, on 02 June 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

You've mentioned he's very bright, is there any chance that he's gifted? Overexcitabilities can be misdiagnosed as ADHD have a look at http://sengifted.org...who-are-gifted/

If he is gifted holding him back would be extremely bad for him. From personal experience if he is you'll need to pay for the testing to back your feelings

I have a potentially gifted preschooler. DD can have a short attention span when she's bored (and will usually tell you 'i'm bored'), but she can also sit on the mat and pay attention in a group setting at kinder.

I was advised by our preschool that there wasn't much point having a formal assessment done until DD was in a school setting so that is what we have elected to do. The preschool teacher did give us information regarding the testing (in case we did want to do it), and offered us advice about what to look for in a school for DD and we chose one accordingly.

I would be asking for an appointment to speak to the teacher (our preschool has 1 interview at the beginning of the year and then 2 progress ones during the year), about what their specific concerns are with your DS, what the testing was for, and what you can do (if anything) to encourage school readiness. Follow up with the appropriate professional (paed/speech therapist/OT/psych) if needed.

#41 Smoo

Posted 07 June 2018 - 10:34 AM

View PostERipley, on 05 June 2018 - 01:28 PM, said:

Smoo, that’s interesting. Did you have a hard time with teachers because your child was gifted? I’m thinking about getting DS assessed just so I can give them a piece of paper and avoid trouble in the future. I do not know why people see a bright, independent, excited-to-learn child as a problem, but there you have it.

I've had a hard time convincing teachers that he needs extra help, despite his teacher in kindy saying he was gifted at the 6 weeks into school interview. We finally got him assessed half way through last year (year 1) as his teacher kept dismissing his I'm bored as he needs to do repetitive work. The piece of paper gives you something to refer to when they try to dismiss your concerns, not a blanket it fixed everything. We're still waiting for our promised independent learning plan 6 months later and they're ignoring half the psych's recommendations. His teacher this year is making an effort which has made a big difference and I think more important than an ilp. He's also now on a waiting list for a (very expensive) private school that actually has a gifted program. Feel free to PM if you want more info I don't want to hijack...

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