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11 yr party- sleepover for only some partygoers

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#1 Quick hedgehog

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:44 PM

DD is turning 11 in the upcoming holidays and wants to have a party.  

She wants to invite about 10 friends in the afternoon, then have 3 close friends stay on to sleep over.

Do you think this is this going to be awkward for those not invited to sleep over?

#2 Carmen_Sandiego

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:46 PM

Yes it will. That’s not nice.
One or the other - a party with everyone and no sleepover or just the day and night with the 3 friends.

#3 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:49 PM

I wouldn't do it. Just do one or the other.

#4 JRA

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:53 PM

Just not necessary, make a decision, one or the other.

#5 amdirel

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:55 PM

We've done this but with 1 friend, not 3. Maybe I've had 2 kids, I can't remember. But 3 is a small group, it might make it feel like 'half' the girls are invited to sleepover but not the others. I'd cut it down to 1 sleeping over preferably.

#6 my*xmas*kiddies

Posted 27 June 2018 - 05:59 PM

Disaster written all over if you do that. Make it one or the other.

#7 Clementinerose

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:04 PM

Do the sleepover at another time

#8 Caribou

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:06 PM

I wouldn't I think it leads to hurt feelings real fast. it just takes one kid to tell the non invited sleep over kids they're not coming and next thing you know, minefield. don't go there.

if you really want to do this sleep over with three friends, do it separately. like prior or week after party. basically just don't really relate it to the party at all.

or have all ten kids sleep over.

or only three friends plus sleep over party.

or just avoid sleep over until a later date.

#9 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:08 PM

I think it would ruin the main party and if the sleepover girls are nice people it will probably make them uncomfortable.  

#10 Nasty Butterfly

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:10 PM

View Postamdirel, on 27 June 2018 - 05:55 PM, said:

We've done this but with 1 friend, not 3. Maybe I've had 2 kids, I can't remember. But 3 is a small group, it might make it feel like 'half' the girls are invited to sleepover but not the others. I'd cut it down to 1 sleeping over preferably.

I agree, 3 seems like its own mini party that the others aren't invited to.

We have had one kid sleepover after parties many times and that hasn't caused dramas.

Edited by Nasty Butterfly, 27 June 2018 - 06:11 PM.

#11 Bird1

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:43 PM

Don’t do it, it’s sure to start fights in the friendship group. You have to remember girls can get mean at this age

#12 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 27 June 2018 - 06:47 PM

I think yes, it will be awkward. Its  not something I would do.

Either they all stay or you change to an arvo party only or you only invite the ones you want for a sleepover.

#13 Quick hedgehog

Posted 27 June 2018 - 07:42 PM

Thanks, confirmed my suspicions.

#14 Smoosho

Posted 27 June 2018 - 07:56 PM

My daughter attended a party where she was invited to the main party, not the sleep over, many years ago.

I remember the awkwardness still.Not a nice feeling for those who are leaving earlier.

#15 sparkles30

Posted 12 October 2018 - 09:56 PM

If there is a stand out best friend and they don't shout it from the roof tops, fine. But 3 would be divisive.

#16 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 12 October 2018 - 10:17 PM

we have done parties where we have had a party at a venue and then the kids get picked up.  The ones who are staying over come home with us.  For us it has not been an issue as parents show up, take their kids and leave.  So no one is the wiser and honestly the kids didn't even talk about it.

having a party at home and some kids leaving and other's staying might cause issues though

#17 Prancer is coming

Posted 12 October 2018 - 10:30 PM

I think it is tricky at pick up.  You might get a kid or parent who thinks that because other kids are still there, they are ok to stay a little longer.  I agree with doing one or the other.

#18 nzbee

Posted 12 October 2018 - 10:43 PM

My daughter is 11 and she has done this a few times.  It's never caused any problems with her friend group. She usually has about 8-10 girls to her party, then 3-4 stay overnight.

She does it because she wants to celebrate with all her friends, but also wants to spend more time with her "besties".

We usually have them all come from 3-6pm, then most of them go home and the others stay for dinner/dvd/sleepover and go home about 11am.

Also, there are some girls in her group that aren't allowed sleepovers and this way they can still come.

#19 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 13 October 2018 - 06:47 AM

I wonder how those who are invited feel when they realise they aren't a 'bestie'?
Do other friends do the same and is your DD in the bestie group or the 2nd tier of friends?
Because basically, unless she has ever been one of those asked to leave you are only commenting from the understanding of one to whom this issue never mattered.

In primary school DD had an Indian friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over, she didn't attend school camp either as sleeping away from her parents roof wasn't done.
She was always invited to everyone's whole party, when she had to leave was entirely up to her parents.

That's very different from another person determining who got to stay and until when.

#20 seayork2002

Posted 13 October 2018 - 07:00 AM

I will admit it genuinley would not bother DS But i still would not do it.

Edited by seayork2002, 13 October 2018 - 07:01 AM.

#21 Newbutoldish

Posted 13 October 2018 - 08:13 AM

We’ve done it before. Had a big party and 3 close friends slept over. To be honest I never even thought twice about it.

#22 tiggy2

Posted 13 October 2018 - 08:35 AM

Interesting. This is Very common in my 12 year old Dds circle - whole class of girls go to main party, closest friends of birthday girl stay over. Would happen more parties than not, never been an issue.

#23 Soontobegran

Posted 13 October 2018 - 08:35 AM

Would never have done that.

I know we should all encourage negative events to grow resilience etc etc but bugger that. Kids have enough to deal with when it comes to peer groups without creating obvious divides.

#24 Hellbent

Posted 13 October 2018 - 08:57 AM

DD went to quite a few of these parties as a tween.  It never bothered her or anyone else as far as I know.  A friend had a party last week and invited DD and one other girl to stay the night (though they are 16 now).  Again, didn't seem to bother anyone.  Perhaps its the norm in some friendship groups and not others.

#25 rainycat

Posted 13 October 2018 - 09:31 AM

My g/b twins have a close school friend who is having her 9th bday soon. My boy is the only male in the friendship group.

Birthday girl decided in term 2 that she wanted a girls only party and constantly taunted him about him not being invited.

It’s a slumber party now and she has decided he is allowed to come for a few hours then leave. Ummm no.

I’m so over it and can’t wait for it to be done with. I get on well with the Mum and I am surprised she is letting all of this drama play out.

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