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11 yr party- sleepover for only some partygoers


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48 replies to this topic

#26 Lesley225

Posted 13 October 2018 - 12:50 PM

Why not surely most people realise it's not realistic to have everyone stay over.

#27 Soontobegran

Posted 13 October 2018 - 12:55 PM

View PostLesley225, on 13 October 2018 - 12:50 PM, said:

Why not surely most people realise it's not realistic to have everyone stay over.
In an adult and perfect world.

#28 BadCat

Posted 13 October 2018 - 12:58 PM

I would do that without thinking twice.  :shrug:

#29 Etta

Posted 13 October 2018 - 12:59 PM

I think it sounds fine. If only 3 out of 11 are staying I can't see that that is a problem. If it was 3 out of 4 that would be different. And I don't think you need to keep it quiet either. If she was having only a sleepover for her party with 3 guests would you think it was a big deal?

You could talk to her about how people might feel, how she would feel - if she wouldn't mind if she was one of the 8 not staying for the sleepover then no problem. They are still coming to a party and having a good time.

#30 BadCat

Posted 13 October 2018 - 12:59 PM

View PostSoontobegran, on 13 October 2018 - 12:55 PM, said:

In an adult and perfect world.

I think you underestimate kids understanding.  We're not talking about 4 year olds here.

#31 steppy

Posted 13 October 2018 - 01:00 PM

Nope. We did that and it was fine. If any of the other girls cared, they seemed to get over it quickly. She didn't lose any friends.

Plus, you can just tell them its your rules and then they get it.

Edited by steppy, 13 October 2018 - 01:01 PM.


#32 sahmie

Posted 13 October 2018 - 01:08 PM

I think it sounds pretty awful. If you’re going to go ahead with it, I’d at least warn the parents of the not important guests of the plan so they could prepare their child.
It might sound precious, but frankly IDGAF - my kid would be broken by this, and it would give me the chance to turn down the whole party invite and do something fun with her.

#33 Brownbear

Posted 13 October 2018 - 01:41 PM

It's not very nice, I would definitely have been upset by it as a child and would likewise feel bad for my child if he was required to leave a party when others were staying.

#34 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 13 October 2018 - 01:55 PM

I remember being one of the not special ones at that age. I would not inflict that on anyone else.



#35 Elizabethandfriend

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:04 PM

I think its a terrible idea.

#36 Elizabethandfriend

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:08 PM

View PostLesley225, on 13 October 2018 - 12:50 PM, said:

Why not surely most people realise it's not realistic to have everyone stay over.

That's why you either have a small sleepover party OR a larger party with no sleepover.

#37 ekbaby

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:12 PM

I have a 10 year old boy and I think it would be fine. He has his 4 special friends that are very clearly a little group and then they have their bigger circle of friends. If he had a party of 15 kids or so (the whole class/soccer team etc) and just those 4 stayed over I think it would be fine. Obviously I would make it clear to him not to make a big deal about the sleepover in front of others. I don’t have an older girl though so I don’t know if it’s more of an issue then.

#38 Drat

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:19 PM

Kids can be really nasty sometimes.

I know my cousin was invited to a party and it was her 'best friends'. She didn't realise that her friend had invited people to the day party and then some to stay the night. The girls quickly told her that she wasn't invited to stay over and were bragging all through the party about all the cool stuff they were going to do. They were 8..
It's not the first time i've heard of that either. :(

I wouldn't do it.

#39 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:28 PM

Yes the bragging rights of the other children you will not be able to control.

#40 Sed

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:30 PM

I wouldn’t do it. Smaller party, everyone sleeps over or larger party, no one sleeps over.

#41 BluJay

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:38 PM

Yeah, nah, totes awkward and more than a little mean to the unwanted children

#42 *Nasty*Squeekums*

Posted 13 October 2018 - 02:39 PM

Id let dd have a party like that.
Its her birthday, her choice who she spends it with in time and activities we let her do for it.

#43 steppy

Posted 13 October 2018 - 04:09 PM

Hang on - she's only inviting 10 friends? What about all the girls she knows who aren't invited? Shouldn't she invite them too? You wouldn't want anyone she knows to feel they weren't a special friend of hers.

#44 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 October 2018 - 04:43 PM

View Postrainycat, on 13 October 2018 - 09:31 AM, said:

My g/b twins have a close school friend who is having her 9th bday soon. My boy is the only male in the friendship group.

Birthday girl decided in term 2 that she wanted a girls only party and constantly taunted him about him not being invited.

It’s a slumber party now and she has decided he is allowed to come for a few hours then leave. Ummm no.

I’m so over it and can’t wait for it to be done with. I get on well with the Mum and I am surprised she is letting all of this drama play out.
I’m assuming the Mum doesn’t know her child is taunting your child about not being invited. She probably has no idea that drama has even occurred.

OP I remember having these types of parties when I was around that age and my sister and also my cousin (who I was close in age too and we are also friends.)

#45 Riotproof

Posted 13 October 2018 - 04:46 PM

View Poststeppy, on 13 October 2018 - 04:09 PM, said:

Hang on - she's only inviting 10 friends? What about all the girls she knows who aren't invited? Shouldn't she invite them too? You wouldn't want anyone she knows to feel they weren't a special friend of hers.

Yes, that's completely the same.

#46 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 13 October 2018 - 04:51 PM

its not something i would do - or would encourage my kid to do. i think its either/or - have the party with 10 kids and everyone goes home at the end or have two/three kids over for a sleep over.

#47 Soontobegran

Posted 13 October 2018 - 05:19 PM

View PostBadCat, on 13 October 2018 - 12:59 PM, said:

I think you underestimate kids understanding.  We're not talking about 4 year olds here.

No, I am not underestimating anything..We are talking about 11 year olds.....who are generally at the age when friendships and relationships become more difficult to navigate.

Our kids got a choice who came to their party, sleep overs were held at other times or they all stayed.

Why make it harder than it is......obviously some of you are tough but I have seen the fall out and it is easily avoided.

Edited by Soontobegran, 13 October 2018 - 05:25 PM.


#48 BadCat

Posted 13 October 2018 - 05:45 PM

Why does it have to be framed as a negative?

Why not "Hey, I wanted to have everyone for a sleepover but we don't have room for that many.  So instead of people missing out altogether I'm having a party as well."

Anyway, clearly I'm not going to change anyone's mind.  I just wanted to throw in my two cents worth because OP asked for opinions.  My opinion is that it's fine.

#49 amdirel

Posted 13 October 2018 - 05:51 PM

I'm pretty sure the party's already happened...




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