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When were you ready to part with your child for day care and work?

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#51 CrankyM

Posted 22 August 2018 - 12:10 PM

View PostCrombek, on 22 August 2018 - 12:02 PM, said:

And because we understand what drives some animals to eat their young.

I'm sorry I had to quote this because I love it. Looking back now with older kids, god I was naive. The baby part of having kids it just one tiny drop in the ocean and I should have taken more help then I did. There is a reason people quote the "it takes a village to raise a child" saying. And it isn't just for the sake of the kids...

#52 Caribou

Posted 22 August 2018 - 12:31 PM

View PostKabu84, on 20 August 2018 - 11:18 PM, said:

DD1 was a sensitive, Mummy and boob-obsessed baby and even when she went to daycare 2 days a week at 12 months we both struggled with the long days and separation. DD2 is a different baby and although I have taken 18 months maternity leave this time I feel she would actually tolerate daycare pretty well even now (she is 8 months) and I wouldn’t mind a break from her busy-ness!

DS is very boob obsessed, so I'm not sure how that would translate to childcare! he's 16mths so far, all tactics of 'gentle' weaning are failing.

OP, for #1, she went to childcare at 2, I hated every moment of it. DD actually didn't mind it, but i did regret it, though it was crucial to my sanity as I had hit a bad time with PND and everything including my marriage was falling apart. I had no choice. I felt DD would have done better to wait until she was 3 or so. But if I hadn't done it earlier, I don't think I'd be here today. So there's gains and losses to putting them in childcare.

Upside of DD going into CC at 2, was that she got lots of social interaction. and that aspect she enjoyed hugely, barring the centre, which she didn't like. we must have gone through about 4 different centres before she settled in one she liked.

as for #2, I'd like to cart him off to child care now. I am ready for him to go, DS on the other hand... he's not. He's very much He and I are one and we don't ever part. We've been working on him spending more time without me around by hanging out with DH, but he will just go looking for me. and start getting worked up if he can't find me.

I am grateful and lucky I can afford to stay home. BUT I do wish that I HAD to go back to work, least then I can have no choice but to put DS in childcare and he'll have to adapt. But because I have that option, I just feel like I can't put him childcare.

All up, the first few days of childcare is always the hardest. I think thats where most of the anxiety is. you worry, will they be ok? will they get stressed? will the carers respond to their needs? will they enjoy this? will they still love me when I come pick them up, though I left them crying this morning?'

Once you get past that hurdle, it really does get easier. Soon you'll be happy to drop them off without the guilt, and you'll also relish in picking them up having spent the day away from them.

I admire the position of both sides, those who stay at home with their kids, and those who put their children in childcare. They both come with their pros and cons doing either.

Being a parent is hard. staying home with your child from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep is hard. being away from your child all day is hard. we all have to make some sort of sacrifice, and trust that all the decisions we make, are for the best of ourselves, the kids, and family as a whole.

#53 Lady Gray

Posted 22 August 2018 - 01:20 PM

My kiddo was supposed to go at 12 months but I wasn't ready for it and so I extended my mat leave by another 12 months.

I still wasn't ready when she turned 2 but a few months ago a spot came up at a centre that we'd signed her up for when I was literally 7 weeks pregnant!  We gave it a try and it just wasn't working so we've just pulled her out.  But we gave it a good try and I was able to power through so much work on my daycare day.  

I never, ever thought I'd feel this way about daycare, part of the reason we signed up so early was because I 100% sure I'd be going back to work( I actually thought I wouldn't last the first six months) and I thought during the first year I would have her in part-time to get some downtime.  HAHAHAHAHA!  This kid has taught me some major lessons!  So I totally get that feeling, I was actually having panic attacks over the thought of her going and returning to my old job (and I know how dramatic that sounds).  I have never felt more relieved when I told my work I wasn't coming back.

The one thing I would say is that I feel like if my kiddo had gone earlier than 2 she would have adjusted way better and that you need to give it a few months before deciding whether it works or not.  For me, the drop-offs were absolutely horrendous and I dreaded taking her.  My centre was super accommodating and made sure I was kept up to date throughout the day on how she was doing.

#54 ekbaby

Posted 22 August 2018 - 07:54 PM

I didn't feel ready until DS1 was almost 2. He was a horrible baby for the first 5-6 months, but after that "baptism by fire" I felt like I was only just starting to get a handle on being a mother and then it was time to go back to work again. I had planned to take 12 months mat leave but it was too short for me. I ended up on totally different trajectory that what I'd planned. Became a SAHM, did a bit of casual work starting when he was almost 2, but it never worked out more than a day a week, was at home almost full time for almost 9 years, had 2 more kids in that time. Now my youngest is 3 and I'm working 4 days a week. I enjoyed my time as a SAHM and don't regret it. It does f**k you financially big time though.
I left a job that I could still go back to if I really wanted to, although my wages would go back to starting salary... not that they were that high in the first place. I always worked in frontline community service roles. I have made a lot of decisions that aren't financially very smart. But I'm happy. And lucky.

#55 kimasa

Posted 26 August 2018 - 10:06 PM

DD went at 8 months.

Honestly, by 2 months old I was alternating between scratching at the walls and wanting to bang my head against them, I would have very happily gone back then, had I not done all the formal leave/had someone in my job temporarily and all of that.

#56 Freddie'sMum

Posted 26 August 2018 - 10:22 PM

With both girls - I didn't actually have a job to go back to, I had to find a new job.

With DD#1 - she was 14 months old, we were struggling to make ends meet and I was desperate to get out of the house, earn a bit of money and talk to adults again.  She was very shy, quiet and clingy and it took a lot of trial and error to find daycares that we were happy to leave her at.  

When DD#2 arrived - we kept DD#1 going to her usual daycare - I think maybe 2 days a week.  I was wiped out looking after a newborn and a toddler and those couple of days gave me some respite of the 24/7 care that babies and toddlers need.

Again, I didn't have a job to go back to, I put both girls names down at different daycares, and then started applying for jobs.  I got offered a daycare spot for both girls and then got offered a job, at that stage DD#2 was closer to 18 months old, and DD#1 was closer to 4 years old.  

I honestly do not believe there is a perfect 'right' way or 'wrong' way to do this - unless you have a money tree in your backyard, most people need to earn an income to pay their bills and young children need to be cared for whilst their parents are working.  If you are very lucky, you may have active grandparents who raise their hands and want to have Junior for a couple of days a week, you may hire an au pair, or a nanny, or use family day care or ordinary daycare, you may swap with another mum and look after her little one so you can go to work and vice versa, there is no 'right' way or 'wrong' way - we are all just doing the best we can.

#57 BeStill

Posted 26 August 2018 - 10:37 PM

I’ve felt ready at different times for each of my kids. Ranging from 9mths through to 2years. The actual time I went back also varied and didn’t always match up with when I felt ready unfortunately.

I did find I was more ok with it than I had expected to be though once I got into the swing of things. I only went back very part time (1-2 days a week) so I’m not sure if it would be different if I was full time. I don’t know that I’m ready even now and my eldest is 8 :/

#58 MsLaurie

Posted 27 August 2018 - 05:51 AM

Our daughter started daycare at only 3 months, as a place came up. So initially she went one day a week, just from 10-2. The first few weeks were weird, but then I started to look forward to the break, to have some time and headspace. Gradually we increased the hours: 10-3, 10-4, 9-4. So when I went back to work when she was 8 months (3 days a week), she was settled there, and I wasn’t worried about how she would cope. We picked up an extra day of care just before I started work, and the third day was shared between grandparents & The Mister.
After about another 9 months, we were offered an extra day and accepted, so I increased my hours. Working 4 days has been great, and has allowed for career growth in a way that 3 days would not have (in my workplace).

So we’ve landed with Miss now-3 doing 3 days of daycare, one day with me, one with Dad/grandparents. Daycare has been good for all of us, neither DH or I are suited to 24/7 parenting we both need the focus of work to be ourselves. And she needs the structure and space of daycare and other kids and messy play!

#59 IkeaAddict

Posted 27 August 2018 - 06:02 AM

DS started daycare at 8 months old, 3 days a week. Family baysittng wasn't an option due to distance. He thrived at daycare. Loved it from day 1

#60 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 27 August 2018 - 09:58 AM

DS I waited much longer than I’d intended for a range of reasons, many of them I can now reflect were based on mistaken beliefs- he went into childcare at about 18mo 2 days a week, and it was a really difficult adjustment period. However it was a fantastic thing for both of us and I realised my internalized bullsh*t about a “good mother” had held us back from something that would have been really beneficial for us both. With DD, even though I didn’t return to work until fairly recently, I had her in childcare 2 days a week from about 7 months old. One of the best choices I’ve made for my family. I’m now working 4 days a week and she’s so at home and settled that her time “separated from me” is now the least of my worries.

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