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Is three a bad idea?

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#26 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 23 August 2018 - 05:24 PM

View PostSummerStar, on 23 August 2018 - 04:58 PM, said:

For me, yes it was. I'm going through a stage where I WISH we'd stopped at the two boys. They are 100 times easier than the girls have ever been.
They have never fought, are finished school, didn't cause too much drama, etc.... The girls on the other hand.....

Me too. My boys are lovely 11/13yo now and 8.5yo DD is much harder work.

Like a PP said 3 causes friction. Does not matter which one you take out, but take one out and the other two get along fine. This is the same for my SILs 3.

Holidays are my bug item. Hotels etc are geared for 2A2C and 3C means extra room or huge cost for a bigger room/suite normally (often the 2 rooms are cheaper- but if not interconnected you and DH sleep in seperate rooms with different kids).

#27 Lallalla

Posted 23 August 2018 - 05:56 PM

I definitely think the people saying have the 3rd a bit later are onto something. I had 3 under 2. My mother had 3 under 4. If I’d had a say in the matter my youngest would habe been born when her sisters were 5 and 3, not 22 months and 2 minutes old. Aside from anything it would have meant we avoided having 3 daycare aged children at the same time. It makes working very difficult. You have to earn more than average to make work pay rather than pay to go to work

Edited by Lallalla, 23 August 2018 - 05:58 PM.

#28 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 23 August 2018 - 06:24 PM

My mum had #3 (suprise) when I was 7 and my brother 10. She would not advise such a large gap and my sister 7.5yrs younger would also not advise it (neither would I - there is the initial joy of a “new toy” but reality sets in with tantruming toddler and teen who doesn’t want to be near a toddler).

#29 ~river song~

Posted 23 August 2018 - 06:26 PM

I have three and love it! My first two were a boy and girl so I wasn’t attempting to even the numbers.
We are now going for number 4 so it’s been good for us.
Baby and toddler days can be tough no debate their but is a short time in the grand scheme of things and when making our decision I looked long term and what I saw our family ultimately like

#30 SummerStar

Posted 23 August 2018 - 06:29 PM


Edited by SummerStar, 10 April 2019 - 05:49 AM.

#31 bluesilk

Posted 23 August 2018 - 07:06 PM

Maybe give it a little longer? Your 2 are still quite young (and probably still a real mental and physical handful at the moment). 36 is not old to have a third baby.

#32 Sarzie

Posted 23 August 2018 - 07:41 PM

My first two are 6 and 4. We have a surprise third baby who is five months and it is definitely easier with the larger age gap and we are so glad we have him now, we are both really enjoying it. So waiting another year may be easier.

#33 Jingleflea

Posted 23 August 2018 - 07:59 PM

Mum always said never have so many kids the parents are outnumbered.

She was one of 3, I'm one of 3, and MiL is one of 3 and we all wouldn't have 3. Mum only had 3 because the second 'baby' was actually 2.

3 tend to fight, often 2 gang up on the 3rd. I hated having 2 siblings, who both were mean to me. MiL said the same, she didn't like the uneven power balance of 3 kids. BUT she is really close now as adults to her sister if not as close to her brother(he's a bit ...quirky).

#34 hotsonfornowhere

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:07 PM

I have three and love it! But no more!
I have three boys - 6 yo, almost 4yo and 9 months old.
It's been pretty tough, mainly because my DH works away a week at a time. But I definitely wouldn't change it and am finally starting to feel like I have my sh*t together :lol: It is absolutely wonderful seeing all the boys play and interact together.

#35 maryanneK

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:17 PM

View Postlalalove, on 23 August 2018 - 12:16 PM, said:

Thank you all so much for your input. It is so nice to talk this out without judgment.

I had thought it would be best to plan the pregnancy for early 2019, baby born late 2019 (I would be 37) and DS1 starts FT school in January 2020.

this is how my age gaps have worked out - my eldest will be starting school while I am still on maternity leave with number 3.  Its really good.

Mine were 4.5 and almost 3 when my third baby was born - its pretty hard some days but its actually a very workable age gap and situation. The eldest 2 are out of the worst,most difficult and needy stage and adore having a baby in the family. The older 2 are good sleepers which makes a difference - I'm not sure I would have gone for 3 if the oldest two were bad sleepers or had special needs.

View Postlalalove, on 23 August 2018 - 02:55 PM, said:

Thank you again.

I think more conversation is needed with DH...

Ultimately I just don't feel like we are done. I love being a mum and when I see my two boys I just think how lovely another would be.

Definitely heart over head feelings though ;) I appreciate all your comments x

that bolded bit is exactly how we ended up with 3 ! I could have written that word for word. I was like - my first two are so gorgeous, how could I not want another one?!  I felt like I would always have been left feeling like something was missing if we'd stopped at 2. Now I feel absolutely 'done' - its a very different feeling, so I know I made the right decision.

Yes its hard but so is having babies, full stop. work through your reservations but don't let them stop you if you are sure you want 3.

#36 Tinsilitis

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:18 PM

I was number 3, and I have 3. Three girls, with 6 years between 1 and 3.

I love having three, and never question why we had the last. I don't find there is tension with 3. Mine have always managed to happily have all three playing together, or 2 together and 1 on their own. Yes they fight, but they would be fighting even if there wasn't a third in the mix.

#37 bandbub

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:47 PM

sometimes I wished I had stopped at 2 and then some days no.3 does something and it changes my mind its definitely testing that's for sure

#38 iwanttosleepin

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:58 PM

I was in your position, except I was younger.

Had DS1 in my late 20's.  DS2 3 years later in my early 30s.  Always wanted a girl.  Finally convinced DH....it took ages.

I now have DS3.  There is a 9 year gap between #1 and #3.

I wouldn't change him for anything and he is the joy of my life but my wishful longing for a little girl will never go away.  People still ask me if I'm going for #4...hahaha - so I get 4 boys!  I think not and I'm too old now.

I was actually sadder about not getting a girl with #2 than with #3.

I now have a girl dog.

#39 MGB

Posted 23 August 2018 - 08:59 PM

I had 3 under 4 and it was busy! It’s still very busy, loud and messy but I wouldn’t change it.

I found it a bigger adjustment from 1-2 than 2-3. They do bicker, but they love each other immensely and I love watching their relationship with each other.

#40 daybreaker

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:11 PM

After having my 3rd child, I could see why people say 2 is best! There's more fighting, homework, baths, cooking to different tastes, more expensive holidays etc etc

But I also had 2 boys and desperately wanted a girl so I gave it a shot. Luckily I had a girl and she is such a joy, well behaved and an easy child.

So for me, although I can see how much harder it is to have 3, I'm so happy we had our 3rd.

I was prepared to have a 3rd boy too of course but then I may have gone for a fourth!

#41 Chelli

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:15 PM

I have three as number three wasn't long after number two and was a surprise. We had secondary infertility with number two, so there is a bit of an age gap between the first two.

For us, it was the best thing ever and she has been an absolute delight from the second she arrived. All three of our kids get along well (mostly) and although it's busy, it's been worth it.

#42 marple

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:22 PM

My 3rd ( out of 4) has been an absolute joy. Clever, funny, well-behaved, popular, easygoing, basically what everyone wants their child to be. I recommend a third. So much joy. ( he is a 3rd boy OP ). They are so wonderful. I could not be more loved than by my boys so don't worry about that.

#43 **Xena**

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:37 PM

I have 5 so clearly I liked 3 :lol: I have no regrets on having number 3 but I had different circumstances so it's hard to say whether it would be the right choice for you.

I actually found #3 easier than #2 because my boys would entertain each other whilst I dealt with the baby. They were all decent sleepers though which helped a lot. I find it hard to function with little sleep!

Maybe take some time to really weigh up the pros and cons and discuss them with your partner so you can address his concerns too.

Good luck x

#44 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:41 PM

View PostLallalla, on 23 August 2018 - 05:56 PM, said:

I definitely think the people saying have the 3rd a bit later are onto something. I had 3 under 2. My mother had 3 under 4. If I’d had a say in the matter my youngest would habe been born when her sisters were 5 and 3, not 22 months and 2 minutes old. Aside from anything it would have meant we avoided having 3 daycare aged children at the same time. It makes working very difficult. You have to earn more than average to make work pay rather than pay to go to work

I have 4 year age gaps between my 3. The older two were in school when the third arrived.

I still tell people to think really hard about a third.

Sure they bring lots of joy and happiness, I don’t thing anyone who is saying three is hard would disagree, we still love them immensely but they changed things significantly and not always for the best.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the age gap really.

#45 amdirel

Posted 23 August 2018 - 09:54 PM

I also want to point out that my 3 are getting older now, and I'm finding it just as hard or probably harder now than when they were younger. So I don't think age gap really matters either, nor do I think it matters much about nappies/toddlers/childcare or any of those other things related to babies. The 'hardness' doesn't end when they start school!

And OP I actually felt the same as you- I didn't feel finished after 2. I did after my third, so I really thought it was the right decision. And maybe it was, I don't know. All I know for sure is that 3 is freaking hard, and I don't feel like I have enough time/money/energy to share among 3. I feel like I could do so much better just dividing myself between 2 kids.

#46 aace

Posted 23 August 2018 - 10:03 PM

I have 4 now.

My third one I fell pregnant unexpectedly and considered a termination for quite some time. Deep down I wanted a third but my relationship with ex husband was on the rocks so I was feeling very conflicted as he did not want to continue the pregnancy. Third child was born. Relationship failed very shortly after. I am vey grateful I had my third though. Having three spread what I had to give very thinly and I was able to see the ex DH was a complete man baby and when he expected me to look after him too, I walked. And that is the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Anyway so I am not sure haha. I have 4 now and I am glad I have 4. If I started again I would have 3 with my current DH and not 4. We are feeling the financial pressure. But it is what it is. Good luck with your decision!

#47 Soontobegran

Posted 23 August 2018 - 10:19 PM

Our 3rd was our easiest child, we had a 1 year old and a 2 year old and she just fitted right in......we were lucky we had healthy and relatively stress free children but it was busy.

Now if you were asking about #'s 4 and 5 I would have  different story to tell you. :huh:

OP I knew without doubt that 2 children were not enough for me. I am glad my DH felt the same way as I think I would have been forever unhappy if I'd not had more.

#48 Bigbaubles

Posted 24 August 2018 - 07:10 AM

I have one, about to be two.

Thought about having three, but just pregnancy wise, there's no way in hell that I could have a third and take care of two others (I end up with horrible morning sickness).

Also the dynamics of having 2 vs having 3. Pretty much all of my friends who have 3 say that 2 was much easier and how they possibly would have stopped at 2! Both sets of my cousins were 3's and I remember seeing them interact as a kid and always seeing one left out. Whereas even now my brother and I fight for about 2 minutes and then give up.

We also like traveling and extra curricular stuff and having 3 kids in music lessons, sports and swimming would be crazy. And having to get an extra room when we travel etc.

I would actually be much more likely to have 4 than 3. All the families of 4 kids that I know seem to have such a nice balance. I teach 5 or 6 families with 4 kids and there seems to be less of the singling out of each other. If they fight they just seem to swap over to a different sibling etc.

#49 lalalove

Posted 24 August 2018 - 10:44 AM

So much good advice.

I had always thought I would have to do it (try for #3) in the next six months or so, otherwise I'd be too old.
This has made me think maybe waiting a bit longer could actually be ok, and that I am not that ancient!

I'm basically feeling a lot less pressured to make the decision RIGHT NOW which helps.

#50 Summer81

Posted 24 August 2018 - 03:56 PM

I am 30 weeks pregnant with #3. I have 2 DS who are 3 and 5. I'm pregnant with a girl this time around.

I was like you, just couldn't get past the idea of only having 2- I always wanted 3 (I am one of 3 and loved growing up with 2 siblings and we are very close still). I didn't want to regret the decision to stop at 2 which I know I would have.

So whilst I don't yet have any idea how 3 will be, I'm so happy we went for it as crazy as we might be. My younger DS will be almost 4 and starting preschool next year so it'll be nice at home with just bub a couple of days a week.

I just turned 37 last week- so similar age to you as well!

Good luck in your decision-making it's such a hard one to make!!

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