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#51 born.a.girl

Posted 25 August 2018 - 04:46 PM

View PostPhillipaCrawford, on 25 August 2018 - 12:00 PM, said:

My views of the needs of a baby are very influenced by the studies I have done over the years in early childhood development. The bonds a baby forms with the significant caregiver have a lifelong effect. This statement is not me wanting to heap guilt on anyone, it is the opinion of researchers who work with in the field and it is something we need to consider in the choices we make for our babies.
I did not say the OP was ‘sad’. I did say her desire to outsource the care of her ill baby was a sad one – because that was the intent of her suggestion of isolation rooms at child care.

I have not any stage wanted to guilt trip working mums. I am one, although I was able to stay home for 10 months. And looking back on the early stage I certainly made choices in care that suited me rather than the kids, because a job was more important than them. So if anyone is guilty it’s me.

I also recognise that in the hierarchy of needs the physical needs of food and shelter are primary.
But what comes after that?

It is insulting to babies and children to say they don’t care who looks after them and will attach to anyone. Of course they know and of course it matters. We would not see so many posts from people whose children struggle at separation otherwise. Children, particularly those under 12 months need a consistent and caring caregiver in order that they develop an essential attachment.

When we talk about child care and leaving our children in care we need to think also of the child, not just the parents whose work arrangements are being jeopardised by the needs of that child. That requires a whole society shift that can’t happen if we don’t view the children’s needs as equal in importance to the parent.
And that is the intent of my post – not to guilt or judge another parent.



No one has said they don't care.

That is taking some of the words people have used, and putting them into a completely different sentence, with the complete opposite meaning.

People have said that there can be multiple caregivers, who are acceptable to children. What do you think happens in a home with multiple generations?  I've seen that, and the children are equally happy with parent or grandparent.


ETA: 'The' significant caregiver?  'A' consistent caregiver?

I think your agenda just slipped out.

Edited by born.a.girl, 25 August 2018 - 04:48 PM.


#52 Daffy2016

Posted 25 August 2018 - 05:15 PM

View PostPhillipaCrawford, on 25 August 2018 - 08:50 AM, said:



One of the things that gets lost in the discussion are not what a child 'wants' but what a child needs.



Pretty sure my kid also ‘needs’ a roof over her head and food on the table, and that ain’t gonna happen if I don’t work.

I’m assuming you’ll offer to cover my bills so I can stay home and attend to my child’s needs?




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