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Guilt/embarrassment about being an older mum

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#26 Drat

Posted 09 November 2018 - 09:49 AM

It's all about perspective.

In my mums group I was the young one (I was 30) and most of the mums were 38-40.

My mum had me at 23 and tells me how old I am all the time!! I will be 33 when my second is born and I feel bloody old, but I think it has nothing to do with my age and more with working full time and having a 2 year old. I need a lot of sleep.

I teach high school and there is a huge variation in parent ages. One of my year 11 students has a father in his mid 70s and seems to be the most doting (and embarrassingly sweet) dad.

Kids don't give a stuff about their parents ages generally.

The only student i've ever taught that seemed to be embarrassed was a girl who was about 7 and her father was in his late 70s and had very poor mobility. Pretty much everyone assumed he was her grandfather and it seemed to upset her on occasion.


Posted 09 November 2018 - 10:06 AM

Had my 3rd at 41.5. She is now 11.

I was tired all the time then but had 3 kids and worked. Now, life is actually easier in many respects.

2yos make everyone tired. So does being pregnant.

I have many friends with similar aged kids in my age bracket - I am by no means alone.

#28 Ferelsmegz

Posted 09 November 2018 - 10:10 AM

You will be great OP. I wouldnt worry about it...

Im the second youngest Mum in my DD's class - and was they youngest in my DS's class..

(Im 37 and have a 15yo and 11yo).

Some of the Mums didnt have kids when they were my age now!

As far as im aware none of the kids could careless about the age of their parents!

#29 Sara.xoxo

Posted 09 November 2018 - 11:04 AM

I had my DS when I was 37 and at every single appointment I had I was called an ‘older Mum to be’  in fact I saw on my file that I was a “geriatric mother” lol apparently it’s a legit medical term...
OP I believe that age is just a number.... you can do it! There is nothing wrong with being tired early in pregnancy, especially when running after a toddler!

#30 steppy

Posted 09 November 2018 - 11:33 AM

View PostHippyDippyBaloney, on 09 November 2018 - 07:07 AM, said:

My mum was between 38 and 43 when she had all 4 of her kids. I never felt any resentment or anything about her being an ‘older’ mum, and my siblings have never said anything of the sort either. She was an awesome mum.

4 young ones at 43 - I am in awe.

#31 luke's mummu

Posted 09 November 2018 - 11:41 AM

I was 34 when I had my first, and 38 when I had my second. A few times I’ve been asked if I’m their grandma! Just have to laugh

DS said in year 5 they had a class comp as to who had the oldest parents. Apparently my DH was the oldest dad, but there was 1 mum older than me

Edited by luke's mummu, 09 November 2018 - 11:42 AM.

#32 Lallalla

Posted 09 November 2018 - 04:16 PM

You’re 11 weeks pregnant with a toddler - of course you’re tired!! I was 10 years younger and also beyond shattered every single day.

Also where I live kids in your late 30s early 40s is the norm! We do a number of activities where I feel like the “young” parent when in fact I had them at 30 and 32

#33 ksds

Posted 09 November 2018 - 05:41 PM

I was nearly 43 when I had DS and we would love another one. Been trying since DS was 6months and it looks like it’s not to be as I just turned 46. I was worried about tiredness but I think you find the energy somewhere and children to me are just so rewarding. Congratulations! I wish you all the best!

#34 Dianalynch

Posted 09 November 2018 - 05:54 PM

I know what you mean op, I'm from regional Aust although I now live in the city, and many friends have kids around 20 years old...my youngest is 4. They see me as an older mum. Yet where I live having kids late 30s or early 40s is the norm.

#35 Silverstreak

Posted 09 November 2018 - 06:05 PM

I was almost 37 when I had DS and yeah, I was pretty damn tired throughout my first trimester (and the third, the second was fabulous though), but I enjoy being an older mum. I feel like I've got more confidence now when it comes to advocating for DS.

Besides, just because I'm now a mum in my forties doesn't mean I can't act silly and have fun. In fact, the older I get, the less I care about what others think! I routinely wear face glitter to work, lol.

All the best!

#36 a letter to Elise.

Posted 09 November 2018 - 06:06 PM

I had number 3 at 40. I honestly can't say I'm any more tired than I was with the first at 33. The first trimester is exhausting for everyone I think. I was sleeping at my desk during my lunch break with my first pregnancy!

My joints were destroyed by my last pregnancy though. I sometimes wonder if I was too old. But my physio says it would have happened no matter what age I was!

#37 cabbage88

Posted 09 November 2018 - 06:14 PM

My bones are tired and I'm 30!
My mum had my sister at 43. Back then most mums were 25, sometimes people asked rude questions but I definitely don't resent having older parents. They were well set up, could afford a nice school for us, we went on nice holidays. I'm a young mum I guess (first at 24) and we have been on one holiday since having my first! Ah well

#38 HippyDippyBaloney

Posted 09 November 2018 - 06:35 PM

View Poststeppy, on 09 November 2018 - 11:33 AM, said:

4 young ones at 43 - I am in awe.

She originally didn’t want kids. She loved her career. She fell pregnant with my brother and maintained that he would be an only child and they would get a nanny. She ended up never going back to work and the next 3 were all very much planned and wanted. I think being older she never felt like she missed out on anything. Plus they were financially established enough to give us great lives.

I was a young mum (23 when my oldest was born) and I feel the opposite to the OP. I feel my kids would have benefited from me being older and more settled.

I guess there is no ideal.

#39 marple

Posted 09 November 2018 - 06:55 PM

The "geriatric" mother thing is legit so don't be offended op. My GP put it on my referral ( I was 40) and my OB laughed . Good luck OP.

#40 bluesilk

Posted 09 November 2018 - 07:03 PM

As a kid I had hang ups about my mum being older than other mums and swore I'd be a young mum. But life gets in the way and I ended up being almost 4 years older than my mum when she had me!!

#41 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 09 November 2018 - 08:00 PM

View PostSilverstreak, on 09 November 2018 - 06:05 PM, said:

Besides, just because I'm now a mum in my forties doesn't mean I can't act silly and have fun. In fact, the older I get, the less I care about what others think! I routinely wear face glitter to work, lol.

All the best!

Sounds like a great workplace :p  Im trying to guess what you do for a living!

#42 Kreme

Posted 09 November 2018 - 09:47 PM

I’m 50, will be 51 next month, and I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old.

I don’t feel any older than the other mums, many of whom are as old or older than me anyway. I don’t think my kids resent me. I don’t act or feel “old”.

#43 Sincerely

Posted 09 November 2018 - 10:37 PM

I'm in my late 40s and go running regularly with my 13 & 11 year old. Like Kreme, I don't act or feel 'old' at all either. My DDs, 19 & 11, borrow my clothes frequently, despite having ample wardrobes of their own selection, so they clearly like my 'fashion' choices.

#44 BeAwesome

Posted 10 November 2018 - 07:51 AM

I'm 36 with a 10 & 7 year old, and about 10 - 15 years younger than most other school parents.

#45 *Spikey*

Posted 10 November 2018 - 08:32 AM

Age is a perspective thing.

I became a mum at 44yo. Most people automatically deduct a good 10 years from my assumed age, because I'm in there, doing stuff, being active, being involved. Basically, if you want it, and there are no other factors in the way, your kids will keep you "young".

Over ten years later, I struggle with a major injury - but I'm still involved and doing stuff with her. The assumption that I'm younger still stands. I have been asked if I am her grandmother by people who don't know us, which is kind of funny, as my younger sister's grandkids are either older, or the same age as DD. Most of her cousins are around the same age though, my other siblings all had children much later (and are much younger - mum had her last child at 40yo).

There is nothing to resent, DD realises I do more stuff with her than most of her friends with 'younger' parents.

Edited by *Spikey*, 10 November 2018 - 08:34 AM.

#46 Silverstreak

Posted 10 November 2018 - 10:25 AM

View PostWannabeMasterchef, on 09 November 2018 - 08:00 PM, said:

Sounds like a great workplace :p  Im trying to guess what you do for a living!

I’m a public servant!

#47 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 15 November 2018 - 08:28 PM

View PostSilverstreak, on 10 November 2018 - 10:25 AM, said:

I’m a public servant!

Casual Friday :yes:  Everyone should do it !

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