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#1 Joanie79

Posted 10 December 2018 - 11:51 AM

Hi everyone,
I haven’t been on the threads since I had DS4 4 years ago. I honestly thought I was done and dusted. But we were never ready to finalize anything and now that aching for another child rears it’s head. Went to OB to talk about it and it scared the living daylights out of me! 5th c-sect, turning 40 next year and had blood clot in lungs after last bub. So potentially very high risk if every complication pops up. But could also be fine right?? I keep telling myself to be happy with what I have. But seeing a baby uptown or hearing a newborn cry makes me so sad ☹️. Not sure what I’m even asking for by starting the thread. Advice? Has this happened to you?

#2 Mrs Lost Wanderer

Posted 10 December 2018 - 12:54 PM

I never felt finished after 4, like there was always someone missing. So we had number 5 who is now 10 months old. That said, pregnancy is pretty easy for me with vaginal births, able to leave hospital hours after so recovery from a CS not a factor. All 5 have been premature between 33-36 weeks so have had to stay in the NICU/SCN which is a whole different story which was fun trying to fit going to the hospital for feeds around the other kids, dinner time, bed time etc.
Our 5th is an easy baby who has slotted into the routine and now we are done.

Before she arrived though, I asked myself a million times, are we crazy? What if this one isn't a good sleeper or has health problems? Is it fair to the other four to have another? How will I spend time with each of them if I've got a newborn who wants to feed a million hours everyday?

So yes... having 5 has definitely been a wild ride but I'm glad we did.

ETA I was 37 when number 5 was born and the other kids 8, 6, 5 and nearly 3. DH is a nurse so his hours can be a bit flexible which has helped a lot.

I just re-read what I wrote and realised that it's not very helpful to you. Good luck with your decision.

Edited by Mrs Lost Wanderer, 10 December 2018 - 12:58 PM.

#3 marple

Posted 10 December 2018 - 01:38 PM

I sometimes wish I'd had number 5. I'm happy with my gorgeous family but one more wouldn't have gone astray  :)

That feeling does fade though.
Good luck either way.

#4 Joanie79

Posted 10 December 2018 - 02:05 PM

Thanks Mrs Lost Wanderer and marple!

#5 40+

Posted 10 December 2018 - 02:20 PM

#5 was my #2 c/s. Dr has given me the go ahead for 2 more c/s *if* I actually fall preg (I'm 42). Only reason for saying no more than 2 more is my medical history... So if you've got good care and know your risks, it's not nuts.

You're not crazy for considering #5. 5 is an awesome number :)

The feeling for *just one more* has never left me. I tried to convince myself I was done, but nup, not done.

#6 jessa86

Posted 10 December 2018 - 05:11 PM

I've just had my 5th and I never had that complete feeling until now.

My OB gave me the go ahead to have my 5th c-section, obviously there was added risks but nothing that we couldn't manage. But my 5th pregnancy ended up being full of complications.

I had a subchorionic hematoma in the first trimester with 2 massive bleeds. Horrendous morning sickness, SPD and the reflux from hell. My little girl was diagnosed with IUGR at 20 weeks so my pregnancy was stressful from the beginning and I had a high risk of stillbirth. Her IUGR got worse in the 3rd trimester and I developed cholestasis, she was delivered early at 36 weeks. But thankfully is a perfectly happy and healthy 7 week old, she's just very little.

Like you said though, anything could happen in any pregnancy or it could be completely fine. If your OB is on board and you want have a 5th, then go for it.

For me, my 5th was definitely my body's way of saying it's had enough. My OB has also recommended I don't have anymore and I am 100% fine with that.

#7 Tinselonthefloor

Posted 10 December 2018 - 05:27 PM

I always wanted 5 but husband sprinted to the doctor after number 4 was born. I "agreed" at the time but I think he got me at a weak moment after having a few bad days trying to juggle a newborn, 2,4 and 6 year olds. Now at 50 I feel I'm still "missing" that 5th child and my kids assure me I'm years off becoming a grandma ( which is possibly a very good thing considering my eldest is only 20 ). I hope you can reach a peaceful decision

#8 Lallalla

Posted 10 December 2018 - 06:59 PM

I think even if you know your family is complete seeing a newborn can make you wistful/clucky. Hell, I just read a baby naming thread for twins and it made me wistful for my  newborn twins. But I know I’m done. I wanted 3, I have 3, the health risks for me to have more are high. And yet....

On the health front it really is worth thinking about how much more your body can cope with and the long term implications of that. I know I’ve had less babies than most people replying here, but I feel like I had too many in too short a timeframe (I had 3 under 2) and my body has been rebelling ever since.

#9 Joanie79

Posted 10 December 2018 - 07:45 PM

Thank you everyone for your responses, I really value your input. Think we’ve cancelled two scheduled vasectomy dates and I couldn’t go through with a hysterectomy (heavy periods). Eldest is turning 14 soon then, 11, 8 and 4. I really felt it with my last one due to being at my heaviest weight ever, age and GD. When I brought it up with DH I couldn’t believe it when he said he kept looking for #5 but had been telling himself to stop being stupid. Will keep taking folate and try to lose more weight. If there were no more risks than normal I think it would be a definite yes.....

#10 123Babies4Me

Posted 11 December 2018 - 05:18 AM

I have 5. I’ve had uncomplicated pregnancies and births so unfortunately I can’t help with that side. At the moment #5 is 5 months (the others are almost 9, 6.5, 5 and almost 3). It is hard hard work. I wasn’t convinced I was finished after #4 but I am now! I still love little babies but I don’t have that ache (perhaps it will return? But even then I won’t act on it!)
If your DH is in board too that is great. The potential health issues would be a bit of a sticking point though. If only we had crystal balls!!!!

#11 Joanie79

Posted 11 December 2018 - 01:29 PM

123Babies4Me I completely agree with just because I want a baby doesn’t mean I should give into that desire. I’ve got a few friends with 5 and they’ve said the ache came back but they are thankful everything was finalized birth control wise before then

#12 **Xena**

Posted 11 December 2018 - 04:25 PM

I have 5- all c-sections. Part of me would love another and I'm not sure I'll ever feel done. However due to my own health and the health of a future baby I am stopping at 5. I just can't risk it as i feel it would be unfair to my husband, existing children and hypothetical baby if any complications happened.

Good luck. The battle between heart and head really sucks.

Edited by **Xena**, 11 December 2018 - 04:25 PM.

#13 Joanie79

Posted 11 December 2018 - 08:38 PM

Thanks **Xena** 🙂

#14 kadoodle

Posted 11 December 2018 - 09:22 PM

5 is great. I had my penultimate child at 36, and you’re not much older than that. It means every seat in the people mover is taken, too.

#15 123Babies4Me

Posted 12 December 2018 - 04:53 AM

Best of luck to you Joanie as you think through this. I’m sorry if my post was a bit hard to follow - I’m a bit tired these days 😂 I’ll be thinking of you  - that ache is very hard to put aside. I had always told myself that #4 would be it and started giving away all the baby things but the ache was still there.

#16 Joanie79

Posted 12 December 2018 - 03:59 PM

I’ve gotten rid of all my baby stuff 😂.  Cot went years ago! Actually I’ve gotten rid of everything after the third and fourth 🤔🤦🏼‍♀️. I’ve been hoping to fall accidentally for the past few years so I wouldn’t have to make a decision. Meanwhile I’m just older with no baby....

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