Jump to content

Family not accepting pregnancy


  • Please log in to reply
30 replies to this topic

#26 just roses

Posted 24 December 2018 - 01:42 PM

Hi OP,

I'm sorry if a lot of these replies aren't what you were expecting. It's probably hard to hear.

The truth is, to people on the outside looking in, it may well look like a baby isn't a good idea. Your DD - quite reasonably - will see this from her perspective. You're seeing it from yours. What will make you happy - new partner, new baby - does impact on your other children.

Tread carefully too, if you've been talking to your DD about hypothetically having a baby when you're actually already pregnant. I wonder if you were hoping you could bring it up as a hypothetical, have them get excited, and then be able to spring the happy surprise that you are pregnant. And now that's not working out as you'd hoped.

Please be gentle and patient with your DD. You have her for life. Your partner - like anyone's new partner, not singling yours out - is new and may not be forever. But she is.

Wishing you a happy Christmas, OP. And all the best for the future too.

Edited by just roses, 24 December 2018 - 01:42 PM.


#27 MooGuru

Posted 24 December 2018 - 02:41 PM

View Postjust roses, on 24 December 2018 - 01:42 PM, said:



Tread carefully too, if you've been talking to your DD about hypothetically having a baby when you're actually already pregnant. I wonder if you were hoping you could bring it up as a hypothetical, have them get excited, and then be able to spring the happy surprise that you are pregnant. And now that's not working out as you'd hoped.


I picked up on this too. I suspect you've come out of talking to her and this baby is very real for you whereas for her it's an idea with no plan of actually happening she was giving you feedback on.

My parents were very clear with me that they wouldn't be happy if I was pregnant again given at the time DSs diagnosis and that they felt they were too old to provide that same level of support in future.

It is your body and your choice. If you aren't reliant on them for support then that's fine, shake off their thoughts and focus on the positives but if you are reliant on them and there is no way you can raise this baby without them taking on additional responsibilities to support you and you expect that of them then you need to think very hard about what they are saying and whether you can and want to have a baby without them supporting you.

Sorry you are in such a crappy situation.
I agree with pp re family counselling.

#28 cabbage88

Posted 24 December 2018 - 03:53 PM

I'm really sorry you can't share the excitement. I wonder if it may be helpful explaining to your daughter that as her life is her life, as she gets older she needs to make decisions for herself. No one is going to tell her what she is allowed to study, work as, who to love whether to have kids. And likewise, although her feelings are important to you, you have to make the same decisions in your life. And having a baby with your partner is really important to you. And she can be upset, or whatever she wants to feel. But it's your decision. A child should never dictate a decision like that, as a grandparent friends whatever shouldn't.
I have been widely criticised for my decisions about having kids. At the end of the day, it's my life, and my husband and I decided this is what matters to us most so everyone can swallow their opinions. If I lived the life others would choose for me i would have never had kids and I think I would be extremely disappointed because it's what I looked forward to most in life. I'm extremely glad I ignored them, and all the more glad as the years go on.

#29 Heather11

Posted 24 December 2018 - 04:48 PM

After reading another of your recent posts I can well understand the trepidation your DD and family may have around bringing a child into the relationship.

Is your partner going to stick around or are you going to let him stick around?

#30 Hands Up

Posted 24 December 2018 - 09:00 PM

Based on your thread in November it certainly doesn’t seem like a good idea to have a baby with this man. It will be sooooo much harder to leave, and you already have massive red flags in his behaviour.

#31 justmeplus4

Posted 24 December 2018 - 10:18 PM

I’m sorry, my empathy is also with your kids, especially your daughter. So much change, a new and angry partner, her own SN’s that can make changes really hard, not enough mum to go around...

I also wouldn’t bank on kids coming around. A friend of mine has repartnered, each has 2 kids. Of those 4, none of them want anything to do with baby who is now 12 months old and the kids are massively angry and resentful. She’s in her 40’s and there is never enough time and energy. She adores her new baby but she said if she had her time again she wouldn’t do it, life has been hard, and that’s with a lovely, calm (now) husband.

I’m glad you're excited and I hope it works out for you but if your dd moves out maybe you’ll need to accept that this is what she needs at this time.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.