Jump to content

How to get over wanting another child

  • Please log in to reply
53 replies to this topic

#51 400

Posted 13 December 2019 - 09:50 PM

It’s an interesting topic for me at the moment- with #2’s impending arrival.

I wanted 4, DH wanted 2, it always seemed logical that we would compromise on 3.

But.... this pregnancy has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I hate being pregnant, I’m miserable, it’s affected pretty much every aspect of my life for the last 38 weeks and I’ve just been waiting, waiting for the end. I’ve felt unwell for 8 months, I can’t move, I’m a bad mum, wife, colleague, because I’m just so bloody sore, exhausted and miserable. I’m prone to depression and it has literally taken every skill I have ever learned in my many years of counselling to not spiral downwards- the light at the end of the tunnel is getting me through.

DH and I pretty much decided months ago that this would have to be it, because it’s been so, so awful. I joke that even if I forget about how horrible pregnancy is, DH won’t ever let me get pregnant again because of how hard it is for both of us.

But.... there’s this sadness crawling over me as this pregnancy draws to an end. I haven’t even met my daughter yet and I’m already sad that the decision is all but made that this is it. I’m so sad that I’m so miserable with pregnancy because I always looked forward to being pregnant (expectations did not equal reality!!)

I plan to get a mirena as soon as I’m allowed to after the baby is born, so that the vasectomy question doesn’t come up yet and I can enjoy the baby days while burying my head in the sand. The idea of calling it 100% is too confronting for me yet. I foresee a significant amount of grieving will be had, and I think I will have to give it a large amount of my attention.

Well done to those of you who have made it through the hard decisions and reality x

#52 ImperatorFuriosa

Posted 13 December 2019 - 10:45 PM

I don't think that question has a clear answer. After we found out both of our kids had ASD and the same chromosome deletion, DP decided he didn't want anymore. The geneticist we talked to said with both our genetic make up any future kids would have a higher risk of ASD.

I don't begrudge his decision at all. It's his choice and that's that.

It took me a long time to accept I would be having no more kids. I was angry at life taking the decision away from me. Maybe the next kid might've not of had ASD, but I didn't want to bestow that gift upon another child and I couldn't handle the stress.

I would get angry and resentful. I drank heavily and went in to rages over it then break down crying. I went through a phase of drinking and begging DP.

I don't think I'll ever quite get over it. But I'm in a slightly better place.

#53 Hands Up

Posted 14 December 2019 - 08:07 AM

My two are 14 months apart. It took me a while to realise that what I wanted was that first magical year I had with DS where he was the centre of our world. Having two so close together was really hard and a bit of a blur if I’m honest. Poor DS2 didn’t get many magical moments. I felt a bit ripped off as a result, but at the same time my head was telling me no no no. It was the right call for us. I know now with two full on kids that a third would have been too much.

#54 Jersey Caramel

Posted 11 January 2020 - 02:18 PM

I've only just come to this thread a bit late,  OP, but sounds like you are still in a bit of limbo. I have 3 boys, but would really have loved to have a daughter. I was really conflicted about going for a 4th, and I absolutely LOVE having a newborn, so felt very clucky. What really helped was deferring the decision... So I basically said that if I still felt the same way when the youngest was 2yo, we could try for the 4th (DH was very much happy with 3 but would have been supportive if it was something I really wanted). Of course, by the time the youngest was 2yo, I was exhausted and life was so busy... the first was at school,  second at preschool,  youngest getting into everything and basically making it very difficult to do anything fun with the older ones.  I realised I was truly done. Every time you have a baby you go back to square one! I realised I was happy to start moving forward.  Also,  I think once you come out of the "baby bubble" and re-enter the world where there are lots of interesting things to focus on other than babies, it is easier to leave that stage behind.  Now I love having older kids (11,9 & 6) and feel sorry for people with babies and toddlers! I still feel my heart lurch when I see a very sweet newborn,  but no longer wish that they were mine. I enjoy planning holidays we can take,  and love that we can spontaneously go out without packing an enormous bag and factoring in nap times. Good luck with your decision!

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


Top 5 Viewed Articles

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.