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Daycare advice

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#1 Daffy2016

Posted 20 February 2019 - 10:51 AM

Apologies for the novel!

DD is nearly 18 months and has been going to daycare since she was 5 months, starting at one day a week. In sept last year she started three days, and a few weeks ago four days.

She’s always loved it and been very happy to go, no problems dropping off even when she was tiny.

However, at the end of last year, the carers in her room were all reassigned so she has all new carers this year. She’s in the same room but is one of the oldest, with one or two others her age or older and the rest 12months or younger.

She’s become increasingly clingy and drop offs are harder. She seems happy when I pick her up, but is usually away from the other kids and not really engaged. The carers say she always has good days and she’s eating and sleeping well there.

She’s also more grumpy and clingy at home, plus teething is tough on her.

I have no idea if she’s just not happy at daycare or if this is part of an overall phase and lead up to the terrible twos. I also don’t know if she’s a bit bored, but she can’t move to the toddler room until she turns 2, and only then if there are spaces.

She’s always been a happy girl but is very grumpy and angry at the moment - even trying to bite me.

I don’t know if it’s worth asking if she can go into the other room for her age range, where her room leader from last year is and there are a few more kids her age. Or maybe this is just a stage and another change will make it harder?

Any advice, wise EB?

Edited by Daffy2016, 20 February 2019 - 10:53 AM.

#2 SarahBelle48

Posted 20 February 2019 - 11:10 AM

Its always hard for bubs when they have a lot of changes in staff at daycare. Normally most centres try to only change a few staff in each room but still have some continuity. It would also be hard if she is the eldest and the most mobile. My youngest daughter was in this situation when she was about 13-16 months old where there were a lot of little babies that were barely crawling yet she was confidently walking and needing more stimulation. Its also hard because the little ones get more of the attention because they need it. So I would often go for pick up and she would be wandering around the room by herself while the carers were sitting down with the little ones.

If there is another room for the same age, there's no harm in asking to move her but it will obviously depend if there are spaces in there for the days you need.

#3 mandala

Posted 20 February 2019 - 12:34 PM

I'd be going to the centre director and asking what they think would work. Maybe there are times of days she could join in with the older kids, depending on staff ratios?

#4 3babygirls

Posted 20 February 2019 - 12:49 PM

Does she still continuously have the same staff?

To be honest if they had swapped out all the educators in my daughters room i'd be pretty livid.

Out of the 4 full time carers and 1 part time carer my daughter had last year, 2 ended up in her room and 1 in the room above (the two have joined playgrounds). Before the change in educators they spent quite a lot of time with the new ones etc. My daughter was almost 2.5 when she got moved up to the 2 year old room but there were about 5 or 6 of them that all got moved up together which was great.

I'd be looking at pushing to get her moved up.

#5 Daffy2016

Posted 20 February 2019 - 02:42 PM

Thanks everyone. I’ll have a chat with the director and see what she says, but she’s new too.

Drat, I was not particularly happy that it was all new staff. There also hasn’t been much stability since - there’s always at least one person on leave and others filling in. I think it was because her room had the least number of kids staying in it - most were moving up and a whole group of new babies started.

I’m really uncertain as to whether daycare is the cause of all this, but it seems a reasonable place to start!

Edited by Daffy2016, 20 February 2019 - 02:43 PM.

#6 LoveMySnuggles

Posted 20 February 2019 - 05:35 PM

I'm currently going through the exact same with one of my twins, then the other throws a sympathy cry! I know they have fun and are right through the day as the staff do tell me of any slight upsets, the girls old teachers will come and comfort them of a morning and can through the day if needed too so that brings us all comfort to know that someone is always there that they are confident with.
My 2 are stubborn and don't like new people so its just a matter of them getting used to the change, they will both go to the other girls whilst whinging at me lol so I know they don't have that big of a problem with them and it's a bit of show and preferring their old teachers otherwise they would not leave my arms. Does your DD happy go to the teachers in her room? Can one of her old ones help settle her of a morning if needed? My girls are nearly 2 and struggled with this change. I'd chat with them and see what they say, another reason I trust where my girls are at is they are more than happy to go over any concerns and try anything to help out

Edited by LoveMySnuggles, 20 February 2019 - 05:38 PM.

#7 Daffy2016

Posted 20 February 2019 - 07:35 PM

Thanks Lovemysnuggles. DD does see one of her old carers when the rooms are put together, and I managed to have a quick chat with her today.

Her carers say she’s okay during the day and apparently they should have more staff stability in the next few weeks.

#8 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 24 February 2019 - 08:25 AM

I don't think they can legally move a kid up until they are 2 because of the ratios, but my DD and another girl from the baby room were taken in to the older room for some of the activities during the day, if age appropriate.
That helped a lot with keeping them engaged as they loved playing with the slightly older kids.
This was a small centre so maybe a bit easier for them to do it.

#9 BornToLove

Posted 24 February 2019 - 08:40 AM

We had similar issues when DD was roughly the same age, one of the oldest and by far the most mobile. She was so terribly board.

The centre was good about it when we raised it with them. A few new kids joined the room that were closer in age (and development to DD). They also did a minor shuffle of kids mid-year which put DD in a room with kids her age or slightly older which suited DD better (she is more engaged trying to keep up with older kids than leading a group of younger kids if that makes sense).

#10 Christmas tree

Posted 24 February 2019 - 09:25 AM

We had a similiar issue when they moved all the older kids and my dd was a bit older than those left. She was absolutely bored and it resolved the moment she was moved.

#11 HolierThanCow

Posted 24 February 2019 - 11:31 AM

We have a similar issue with my youngest (20 months) who is among three children around 18 months old who are still in the 'baby' room. All the other children are about 12 months or less. We don't have the same issue as you with staff changing, but they do make an effort to have the three older ones mix with children from the 'toddler room' (they are right next door to each other with a joining door, so it's easy). I'm not sure how often or for how long during the day, but the two rooms are also always combined in the early morning and late afternoon. Perhaps you could see about something like this happening if moving her up isn't possible?

My older child (3 1/2) was really unhappy about going to childcare when there was a big change in her room with the new year's intake. Also started throwing some tantrums again at home, I think due to picking up the behaviour from some of the younger children now in the room with her. She also seemed more frustrated at the end of the day. The room transitions can really throw them out of kilter even without it involving staff changes, so she may be finding it hard to adjust.

#12 Daffy2016

Posted 26 February 2019 - 09:54 AM

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I’ve spoken to the room lead and the director about my concerns and they’ve said they’re trying to do more with the older kids.

Unfortunately things have gotten worse and hitting, biting and tantruming have escalated in the last few days.

I honestly don’t know if this is daycare or just a developmental stage. I feel at a total loss.

When I picked her up yesterday she burst into furious tears and didn’t let up until nearly bedtime. She also hit another child on the way out of the room. I’m embarrassed she was so awful and feel terrible that she feels terrible.

#13 molinero

Posted 26 February 2019 - 10:11 AM

That sounds really tough.

Yes, it's hard to see active toddlers like that in the same room as crawling babies. Of course it can affect their behaviour. Add that to a tough developmental phase they are going through and you have a recipe for disaster.

Aside from staff being reassigned to different rooms, it is also very common to have high turnover rates with childcare workers as many of them are casual, studying part time, or are youngish women themselves with their own young kids or babies being born that need care. So I find problems like this never go away....

It's good she's able to see her old carers from time to time. Does your DD have a focus teacher (i.e. main teacher) apart from the head who's job it is to give feedback on her development? I'd be chatting with them for sure.

#14 Daffy2016

Posted 26 February 2019 - 10:20 AM

Thanks Molinero. The team leader is the main one, I guess. She says DD is fine during the day and has acknowledged they need to do more stuff with the older kids.

#15 CrankyM

Posted 26 February 2019 - 10:53 AM

This is one of the reason's I like that our daycare had a 0-12mths room and then a 1-2 room and 3-5 room. (it was expected kids went to 4yr kindy at 4 so there was only some 5 year olds there that we on the alternative days to kindy. Or has been picked up from kindy for after school care). We moved to this daycare because my older child was the only toddler in a room full of babies and his behaviour went downhill. Kids in his mothers group and the same age had moved up a room but they kept my kid back because he wasn't talking (stupid stupid reason, he didn't talk to 3.5/4. But he needed to interact with peers who talked and socialised).

I would just keep talking to the daycare, letting them know what's going on and seeing if anything changes. It could be something at daycare, it might not. But getting her interacting with the older kids is likely to make it so she is somewhat happier.

#16 JomoMum

Posted 26 February 2019 - 12:13 PM

I know it’s not practical for most people. But that would be enough to have me looking elsewhere.

The staff at a centre are what make it! Continued opportunities to build relationships, familiarity with people, they set the tone and the vibe of the whole place.

For a Director to make such massive changes shows a very short sighted vision IMO.

DS was at his centre for 2.5 years. Once in the preschool room, for his last two years, the only 1 person that changed was the “floater”, as they bring 1 teacher up form the baby room each year with the newbies. So he had the same 4 consistent teachers really for 2 years. And even then, it was a small centre of 46 so they knew them all anyway.

#17 3babygirls

Posted 26 February 2019 - 12:34 PM

View PostDaffy2016, on 26 February 2019 - 09:54 AM, said:

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I’ve spoken to the room lead and the director about my concerns and they’ve said they’re trying to do more with the older kids.

Unfortunately things have gotten worse and hitting, biting and tantruming have escalated in the last few days.

I honestly don’t know if this is daycare or just a developmental stage. I feel at a total loss.

When I picked her up yesterday she burst into furious tears and didn’t let up until nearly bedtime. She also hit another child on the way out of the room. I’m embarrassed she was so awful and feel terrible that she feels terrible.

So sorry Daffy, that must be super difficult for you.

Whats your overall gut feeling tell you? Do you think that this daycare is good and right for her? Do you have the option to view others.
I strongly feel that you get a general vibe about a place and whether it's good or not. I know i've walked into centres and have just felt that they weren't 'right'. Where as the daycare she's at currently I loved it from the second I walked in.

#18 Daffy2016

Posted 26 February 2019 - 02:07 PM

Thanks Drat. We loved the centre last year and she had some wonderful carers. She loved going.

This year I feel less certain because she hasn’t bonded with any of the new people in the same way. But I don’t know if I’m overthinking it and it’s just a developmental thing. I don’t want to introduce another big change in her life (she’s just gone from 3 days to 4) if it’s her, not the centre - if you know what I mean!

#19 Daffy2016

Posted 03 April 2019 - 12:14 PM

So I’m popping in to update.

Things have not improved. DD is still very clingy at drop off and has started crying and hanging on to us when we try to leave.

At home she clings to me and has started to object to getting dressed or getting into her car seat. Her sleep has gone from bad to worse.

When I ask her carers they just say she had a great day, but they say that about all the kids. Apart from the team leader, no one can tell me what she did during the day, what toys she likes or who she plays with.

They do some activities with the other nursery room but those seem less and less.

We are thinking seriously about moving her, but I don’t know if this is a developmental stage that will be made worse with change.

I feel at a total loss on how to help my sad little girl.

#20 seayork2002

Posted 03 April 2019 - 12:41 PM

View PostMands09, on 03 April 2019 - 12:39 PM, said:

Move her. 100%.

I’ve been there, done that and once I moved him and the change in him afterwards I felt so bad that I didn’t act sooner. That centre is not meeting your DDs needs.

I have not been there as DS was fine at day care but I agree with you 100% move her!

#21 Rilee's~Mama

Posted 03 April 2019 - 12:59 PM

If they can't give you ANY specifics about her day (who she played with, what toys she used, how she spent her day) then yep, move her. Just because the centre was great last year doesn't mean it will be this year, especially with staff  changes.

#22 Daffy2016

Posted 04 April 2019 - 07:28 PM

I spoke to the room leader today - she is nice and pretty engaged, and she said DD is fine by the time she gets there at 9:30am. Apparently DD is eating fine and sleeping fine so all is okay. The room leader was able to tell me a bit about what they do during the day, but I think their time is so filled with the babies that they don’t really have time for the older kids.

DD is still miserable on drop off. I think she just hasn’t clicked with any of the carers, and the room leader is the most engaged but can’t be everywhere.

#23 EmmDasher

Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:33 AM

I had this happen with my eldest. Both my kids are at the younger end of the school cohort. It meant that they were frequently left behind in the younger rooms. My eldest didn’t leave the 0-12m nursery room until she was 22m because she missed the transfer the previous 12m. I was pretty cranky and she was pretty bored and unhappy by the end of the years. Her carers were fine but it is IMO impossible to adequately meet the needs of tiny babies and almost 2 year olds in one space.

With my second I was the annoying, constant squeaky wheel agitating for her to be moved to the next age group up. Both of my kids were instantly happy again when in the appropriate age group.

#24 Daffy2016

Posted 05 April 2019 - 09:51 AM

Emmdasher, this is what concerns me. She won’t be able to move up a room until next year, and that’s a very long time for a little girl!

#25 EmmDasher

Posted 05 April 2019 - 11:19 AM

That’s what I was initially told too but I just kept agitating for a move and they did eventually find a spot during the year as kids moved around. It really is not acceptable and it’s a huge bug bear of mine that kids at the younger end of a cohort are placed at a further disadvantage because of the  annual calendar year shift of kids. Places in the older age groups are filled with new to the Centre kids and then come March/April when the tail end of a cohort really needs to be moved up the older groups are all full/no places, soz! They were going to skip one of my kids from toddlers (12-24m, 10kids) to prekindy (3-4yrs, 24kids) 🤯 My kid is cruisy as but even I baulked at that.

Edited by EmmDasher, 05 April 2019 - 11:19 AM.

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